blah.

I detest writing anything with regards to FYP, but I just needed an avenue to garner some prayers. The past week has been somewhat a difficult one, having to force myself to start writing my report (since my results can't get any better). It's such a huge inertia to really start myself going, but I have to since my phd is leaving next week for Thailand. Writing a report is like a roller coaster ride..it would always start out hard, with much frustrations trying to express my thoughts and to decipher what i'm actually writing, and then it would get better once i've passed through a small stage, and then back to the difficult part again when a new paragraph starts. Currently, I guess i'm into the most difficult part of the report, where I really think anyone who reads it would scratch their head, wondering what on earth I am doing and why everything seemed so messy and confusing! And so, I'm really trying to make things clear...but i myself am quite muddleheaded too. Sadly, i'm progressing much slower than I thought (i didn't expect myself to take such a long time), so please please do pray that somehow, God will really grant me wisdom as I type. I couldn't have come so far without God, and whether or not it's gonna turn out acceptable, I really need Him.

It's been 3 whole years :)

3 years, and I'm truly thankful for him being a wonderful blessing in my life. There are so many things to give thanks for in our relationship, and at times, it wasn't easy. Both of us aren't perfect, and each and every day of us being together, had played a part in teaching us every single thing about love.

Thinking back, we started out pretty rough and emotional with my parents being not so welcoming to the idea of me having a boyfriend at the age of 20. But we prayed for God to move the mountains, and we're indeed thankful for their acceptance, for this happy family. It's true to some extent that relationships are easier to handle at the start cos things seemed so nice and rosy, but gets harder along the way when we started taking each other for granted and becoming more picky with each other.

Though both of us had our rough moments now and then, we tried to depend on God and always seek to reconcile and make things work out. Me, being unperfect, had to eliminate the idea of wanting things my way. I've come to realise that a relationship wouldn't work out if i kept insisting my way. Rather, we've both learnt to listen to each other's needs, to communicate and to ask God for wisdom; though i think we can always improve on the latter.

I guess throughout the 3 years, the main thing that I've learnt is that a relationship is really not about 'me'. And that's where unconditional and sacrificial love comes in, which is always the hardest. Many times, our interest has to be put aside and either of us must take the initiative to compromise.

That being said, it's been a really enjoyable and sweet process, and we're indeed very blessed. While we will continue to work for our relationship, we pray that God will be in the centre of it all and guide us; for without Him, there would be no us. As for our friends, we too are really praying that one day you would find 'the one', just as we did :)

We love because He first loved us.

A simple Jap dinner at Orchard's new mall :) thanks hunny

Today, a very meaningful phrase popped up into my head, it was "never blame God for the wrongs people have done unto you"

But besdies the point, i would like to reflect a little bit about my time in NUS

In NUS, I've can't say i've enjoyed my time. I now understand why NUS alumnus do not give much donations back to NUS. However, I don't even feel its really the students at fault, neither is it the NUS system. It just seems to me that it is an inherent flaw with the flesh of mankind.

Over the last 4 years, i've seen maliciousness, dishonesty, disregard for authority and for others, sexual immorality, news about molestation and paedophilia, selfish ambition, copying and stealing. Its a result of putting about 35000 different students and staff together in a melting pot community.

I've seen good things as well, though, such as love and romance, homemade gifts such as little sweet bags and homemade cakes, community service, care, kindness, brotherly love, people helping each other out and encouragements. Thing is, it seems the bad things overshadows the good for me, not because there were more of it; but, because it was so empowering and destructive. "Ouch".

Thats the nature of good versus evil, where the lure of darkness engulfs the draw of the light.
Simply put, grey always seems more black than white.

The interesting thing is, in the church, you don't see the dark overwhelming the light. In a good church, it is so nice to feel the everpresent warmth of the light. You don't feel the dark, and i've thoroughly enjoyed the experience. Even if someone is individualistic in the church, it doesn't seem to have as great an effect as that in school. Love engulfs the unlovely.

So I say "Wow..." The church is magnificent. The church is beautiful. The church is a modern day Utopia. And to me, it is a fact. The church is a great refuge.

I shall resist the temptation to stereotype here. But to me, the church feels bright and NUS seems so dark. I haven't met a single person who actually committed suicide in church before, although i've seen people commit suicide in school and at home. Pity, we should have brought them to church for a stayover camp.

NUS, I am sorry i compare you to a church, for you will never be one. Maybe Campus Crusade and VCF and Navigators will be a church of bright lights, but NUS will never be one. It was just not built for that.

As such, even as i contemplate my future career choice, i really hope there is a church out there for me to join. A church shining in the darkness of the commercial world. I met an investment firm which told me they ran by christian principles and that their boss was a christian. But, when the recession hit, they told me they did nothing for the guy who lost all his money. That is not a church to me, that is nothing but a company living in the darkness, proclaiming it as light. That is like teaching your colour blind child that blue is orange and orange is blue. Note I bear no intention of the coincidental colour matches with the NUS colours here.

In Switzerland, EAWAG was a company that seemed to be a church, that seemed to really be abounding with love and care for others. The Singaporean company that was recently featured in the news seemed to be doing a similar kind of work with EAWAG as well. We are always too quick to judge, but to me, there is always a fine line between commercial profit and love. Where ever did unconditional true love turn into rational love. Can love without sacrifice truly be called love at all?

I am a dreamer, an idealist, a person who believes that paying it forward is the way for society to move forward. People these days pay it backwards too much. Paying it forward was based on irrationality; vice versa for paying it backwards.

Seems like the only answer for someone seeking the light, is to really join the light. Christians always say Jesus was in the world, but he was not of the world. "Cheem Ya." Can we be the light in the darkness? We need to be light. We need to be the light in the world, a light not of the world because that equates to the ray of darkness. But we need lights in the darkness, to light our way, to ensure that darkness does not consume us. We are in great danger of being consumed.

In essence, having given it enough thought, i hope that "someone please set up a church in the world of darkness that i can join!" A church that is bright, a church that pays it forward, a church that is in the world but not of the world! Is that a viable business strategy compared to the "blue ocean concept"?

Even as i expand the idea, we run into the conflicts of complexity and the limitless knowledge that exists. And even so, there lies so many loopholes in what i write. Everything is simply too subjective for its own good; except maybe God's word.

So anyway back to my point, looking back at the last 4 years.
1. I've thought about so many things.
2. I've come to so few conclusions.
3. I've met dark people and bright people.
4. I've been jaded enough by liars, and encouraged enough by friends.
5. Church has been good, NUS hasn't been so good.
6. Company doesn't appeal to me, but church does.
7. Obedience is key to answering my dilemma.
8. Nobody really listens to me. Everyone listens to the other person because they do not understand me.
9. People often mistake the ray of darkness as the ray of light. What we should remember is that the light is in the world, but not of the world.
10. Light and darkness can intermix, but light does not necessarily wins over darkness. That is because darkness is so powerful and empowering. Most places in the world are thus dark places, because the light has been overpowered.
11. I'm happy that at least i will have a household of faith in this world that will shine for me.

I pray for a church.
A church where i can serve my purpose.
A church in the world of darkness, not of darkness.
So that i can leave the darkness behind.
Cos i've come to the end of the 4-year tunnel,
And it is almost time for light to prevail.

I really have to say "sorry" to so many people.
Please do believe "Jesus lives" and that "he is the true light of the world" and the "only path to God".

Only without darkness, can light prevail.
It is a simple choice, for each and every person to choose.

Do not be consumed.

Prof Christoph's Visit!

It was really nice for Prof Christoph (our ETH Environmental Sanitation Professor) to contact Matthias that he would be coming down to Singapore for the World Toilet Summit, and therefore asked if he could meet up for dinner. It was initially supposed to be a day plan, but unfortunately, there was some misread of his schedule and thus, it was changed to dinner. Nonetheless, it was really a good time of meeting up and a wonderful opportunity and privilege to be able to be personal with our very own professor from Switzerland!

We thus tried to our best ability to plan out something nice and memorable for him to remember Singapore and to take home to Switzerland. So it started out with a nice stroll at East Coast Park, a widespread of local dishes at the hawker centre, a stopover at the marina barrage to see Singapore's night skyline, and then a drive through Orchard Road to see the Christmas lightings. It was simple, yet i think a great experience for him we hope. We enjoyed ourselves throughly, trying to play a good tour guide by giving him some historical background of Singapore. Christoph has a really friendly disposition, and we enjoyed his presence very much. We had a great time just chatting and talking at a personal level. Thank God for this wonderful meet-up.

It was a great pleasure for us both to be given this opportunity and we sincerely hope he enjoyed himself tonight. He said he would bring his wife and son down one day, and we hope to be able to meet up then and bring them around to more places. My other half has been a really good host today! :)

And that's our prof! (2nd from the left, with a broken nose back then when he went hiking)

The following is actually a story of a family (written by the mum) of one of my Sunday School children in my JSS batch this year. Its been a great testament to the Lord for how he has not only brought this JSS student so far forward in his walk and in his faith. How he has changed so much, and how it all fits in within God's great plan for his family.

It wasn't long since we had our JSS Camp 2 years ago and Daniel came to accept Christ. Since then, he has really changed, he has really grown so much; and I am thoroughly impressed of all that he is now.

Back from Coma to Life (Taken from BFEC Frankelite Vol 073/04/2009)
By Daniel's Mum; Kate Chew

On Thursday 30th July 2009, I was informed that my husband was critically ill Lock Sung at Changi General Hospital (CGH) and that I should go there immediately. Frightened, I quickly rushed to the hospital and was told that Lock Sung was in intensive care unit (ICU) in a coma and on life support. The entire cell group one gathered there to support me in whatever way I needed. I was numb but I knew that their silent prayers held me up.

The next day, I contacted Dr Tay Khoon Hean, Sung Lock's best friend and told him what happened. Prof Teo, Head of Medicine in CGH Sung took over Lock's case at Khoon Hean's request. Lock Sung had a seizure before it could cause any damage. After the MRI, the neurologist assessed his brain and said that there was no brain activity. The neurologist said that if Lock Sung could wake up in three days, the chances of recovery were better. If not, it would be bleak. I sent out smes to good friends from our and other churches to pray.

From Saturday, I played and sang some worship songs and read from the Bible. I also asked God to teach me what He wanted me to learn. The Holy Spirit impressed upon me to read the book of Matthew to Sung Lock. When I arrived at ICU, I was informed that Lock Sung did not show any progress. I was confused and upset. I sent a dismal sms to friends who were praying for us. They encourage me not to lose hope. I then Decided to read the book of Matthew to Sung Lock as Prompted by the Holy Spirit the night before. I read aloud till I came to Matthew 7:11 Which says: "If you, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven will give good gifts to those who ask Him ! "I then cried before the Lord" Sung Lock is a good gift to me, a very good gift to me. "

In the afternoon, Bee Poh and Susan came and we praised and worshiped God in the ICU room with my children. After they left, my son Daniel said that he wanted us to sing a song for Dad. Daniel began to sing this song that the Junior Sunday School taught him. Lock Sung shuddered and moved his right shoulder for the first time. More movements continued and God was giving me hope.

On Monday, Prof Teo explained that in many cases coma, people wake up with a degree of brain damage from mild to serious. I understood what he was trying to say but I told him that I believed that Jesus was Sung Lock's healer.

When he had examined Sung Lock, he told me to wake Sung Lock up. I called in a gentle way but Prof Teo then shouted: "Sung Lock! Wake up! "Immediately, Sung Lock's eyes opened. The doctors were not positive about his intermittent wakefulness as it seemed slower that a normal recovery should be. They feared there was brain damage. However, God comforted me Despite the pessimistic view. God was still doing His healing work. On Thursday, Gina came to pray over Sung Lock. Well, what happened was that God woke Sung Lock up, fully.

Though Lock Sung was conscious, I was Disoriented. It crossed my mind that Sung Lock may have some brain damage. What if the Lord wanted to give him back to me like this? I told God, "O Lord, if this is your will, I am so frightened." The next morning, God gave me this look in Romans 8:! 5 "You did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear .. "My fear was halted and my faith arose. The next day on Friday 7th August, Sung Lock's improvement was phenomenal. On Wednesday 12th August, Sung Lock was discharged.

Through all this time when I had to be in hospital, the cell group and Frankelites came to the ICU and prayed and helped me in all sorts of ways. God took care of my ever need through His Holy Spirit and through you. Thank you.

Of Praise, Joy & Thanksgiving

"The LORD your God is with you,

he is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

he will quiet you with his love,

he will rejoice over you with singing."

- Zephaniah 3:17 -

(Pictures Taken on a Copenhagen-Oslo Cruise - Sunset)

O' Lovely Capri

Picture Taken in Capri - Italy

Capri was one of our highlights of our grand tour, and it's no wonder why. That small little island by itself is so so pretty. The water was exceptionally clear and blue, oh how i remember the blue grotto cave we went to. Filled with so much wonder and mystique. I would love to go back there one day, and stay in one of the resorts for a weekend. But, nah, it's too expensive. I hope to dream of Capri though.