35 months :)

Oh, and yesterday marked our 35 mths of being together, and it was nice to have spend it in Pasir Ris. Obviously we weren't celebrating it, but rather spending time with the JSS kids. But having to wish each other face to face is a great blessing already :). Yay, we're turning 3 soon!

And my birthday is coming soon. A pity that one of my birthday present has to be a test to start my day. Thinking about birthdays definitely make me feel old. In fact, i really felt old when i was playing with the kids yesterday. They had SOO much energy, i wonder where had all my energy gone to. They could literally yack non-stop, and stay up the entire night...while the energy-less me had to sleep in the tent to recharge. Anyway, i have 4 very simple birthday wishes this year: (and probably repeated for the years ahead hahaha)

1. For my mum and brother to receive Christ.
2. For my loved ones (family, matt and friends) to be healthy and happy.
3. For me and matt's r/s to strengthen and grow, with closer dependence on God
4. For me to grow up and be more mature; to be a more supportive and understanding gf, filial daughter, obedient child of God, to be a better and more encouraging friend.

JSS P5&6 stayover @ Pasir Ris Park

I truly want and need to thank God for His goodness. My busy hectic week didnt turn out as bad as I thought. In fact, I wasn't as tired as I thought I would be. God was very gracious and granted me quite a bit of sleep as I do not have to go early to the lab for some of the days. I didn't go for LM on tuesday though, as I was held up by my fyp that evening due to some unexpected changes. As for yesterday's stayover, albeit tiring, I was very thankful that I get to sleep for almost a good 4-5 hours. So after getting back home, i bathed, and totally konked out for another 4 hours. And now, i'm refreshed to start studying for my test. But before I do so, I wanted to do some reflections about the stayover.

It's my 1st time joining matt's JSS (Junior Sunday School) stayover and i thoroughly enjoyed myself. We gave much thanks to the Lord, as Mondays - Thursdays were practically raining cats and dogs. But when it came to Friday evening, there was no rain, and the weather was rather nice and cooling. The amazing thing was Uncle Tony (the planner) refused to have any contingency plans (while we, of little faith, were really worried if the stayover had to be cancelled seeing that every other day of the week has been raining). He had great faith that God will hold the rain, and true enough, He did. Praise be to God. It's so heartwarming also, to hear that some of the kids were praying very hard throughout the week too. When both of us reached the place yesterday evening, the little ones were pitching their tents, and it was also my first time literally helping to pitch the tents. It was pretty fun and interesting. Followed which, these kids had to cook their own dinner. I think this was one of the fun parts, as they get the chance to find big stones and use solid fuel to cook their instant noodles and canned food. Both of us cheated, hehe, we ate dinner before we went :P.

This camp is special in the sense that no programmes were lined up. Basically, it was meant to facilitate the bonding of the P5 and P6's. So, they could do anything they want, play any games, and just be themselves. I was really comforted that the P6 girls approached me to ask me to play with them. So we had a good time playing cards together inside their tent, and afterwards, proceeded to play mother and hen, outside...and then some group games with the boys. I thus came to know the girls a little bit better and i'm thankful for the bonding session. As for the boys, they were like monkeys running around, and matt kept them entertained by playing ball games with them.

So anyway, we both had a good time mingling with these little ones. And it was through this stayover, (it's actually my 1st time literally sleeping in the tent), that made me see how beautiful each of this kid is no matter how monkey-ish they were. I am sure God has a great plan in store for each of them, as they continue to grow. The opportunity to stayover at a park, is truly refreshing. The sounds of the waves crashing on the breakwaters, the chirping of birds, the persistent croackings of toads through the night, the warm sunshine and the cooling seabreeze, is a very good break and reminder of God's magnificence for me. I'm glad I went for it :)

Everything has come so fast, and so hard.
I'm surrounded by many people who have dreams to get rich, be successful, or basically just live comfortably.
Competing with them for these very same things have so little meaning.
And even if i didn't, its not that everything would just fall into place either.
Life is much more complex than that, and there is never a straight answer to everything.

At the end of the day, I have to realize...
that life is simply about God.

I live life for God.
The path towards Him, always seems like the illogical step away from success.
Many may proclaim his great blessings, but his blessings are truly borne out of great extraordinary steps; not the steps of an ordinary man.

Yesterday, talking to the yesteryear people...

In today's society,
The ordinary man might seek sexy girls and good sex,
the ordinary man might seek wads of cash,
the ordinary man might seek fame and a life of luxury.

The world is terribly polluted, and so many people i know have lost those core values within them...
the values which proclaim justice, love and peace.
the values which proclaim fidelity, honesty and integrity,
the values which proclaim salvation.

When will these values be regained?
Can an ordinary man forsake his desires for the world and for the pleasures of man, to seek an upright living as an extraordinary individual?
I suffer and struggle hard everyday.
Sometimes, i just feel sorry for so many of my friends, who have seemingly lost the battle, but yet hope, they might still win the war.

At the end of the day, you hope maybe Gods laws were laxed, and maybe repentance would provide redemption.
But, you really really hope that repentance comes.

God is seemingly lost in this world,
and the anti-christ coming has been foreshadowed by many of man's demons.

Love is lost,
God is seemingly unheard and unseen,
and people are becoming more and more Of this world.
God save our souls; especially us young ones.

God is our pillar of strength, and my wife of virtue (although i have been coming down a bit hard on her these last few days) is worth far more than rubies.
She is my only hope.

Conducting A Spiritual Audit

Six questions to keep your personal account in order.

1. Am I content with who I am becoming? I must be sure my profession does not consume my person. It’s important that I be more than I do or have. When the time comes for me to leave my title and power, will I have anything to fill the vacuum? As i mature am I moving from power to wisdom; from the offensive to being sought out? “Throw off your old evil nature – the old you that was a partner in your evil ways – rotten through and through, full of lust and sham. Now your attitudes and thoughts must all be constantly changing for the better. Yes, you must be a new and different person, holy and good. Clothe yourself with this new nature.” (Eph 4:22-24)

2. Do I have a quiet center to my life? For many of us our life motto seems to be, “When in trouble, when in doubt, run in circles, scream, and shout.” God’s word, however, encourages us to “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10). There is an important difference between the fast track and the frantic track. By way of contrast, Jesus quietly “went about doing good.” He had a quiet center. A peace which evidenced the presence of God. Do I?

3. Is my prayer life improving? Do my decisions have prayer as an integral part, or do I make decisions out of my desires and then immerse them in a sanctimonious sauce I call prayer? “Do not be anxious about anything, but i n everything by prayer...present your requests to God” (Phil 4:6)

4. Is my humility genuine? There is nothing so arrogant as false humility. Humility is not denying the power that I have, but admitting that the power comes through me, not from me. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” (Phil 2:3)

5. Is obedience in small matters built into my reflexes? Do I try to bargain with God or rationalize with him? Obedience largely determines my relation with Christ. God intentions count for little. “Obedience is the test of whether we really live “in God’ or not. The life of a man who professes to be living in God must bear the stamp of Christ.” (I John 2:5,6)

6. Do I have joy? Joy is perfected in the full belief in the total sovereignty of God. Doubt dilutes joy. Does my joy extend into my suffering; understanding that my suffering is my maturation? “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4)

You know, i often wondered, why God wouldn't just tell us His will. Wouldn't that make our lives much easier? Having to know what's in store for us will save us from the trouble of making difficult decisions, and also prevent us from choosing something that is not of His will. Be it the type of job, or applying for the right course, knowing what God wants out of us would definitely save us from going through the process of should i / should i not.

But then I thought and pondered harder again, and Jo's dg yesterday struck a chord to me. What if God's will is not something that you would want, would you still abide having known it beforehand? For example, if you know that God wants u to be a missionary in some poverty-stricken area, would you truly abide and go forth? Some may say yes, some may hesitate, some may just ignore. Perhaps the reason why we want to know God's will is a very selfish one....just wanting to avoid additional trouble, and sometimes, only if God's will is in line with our heart's desires, then will we go forth. Otherwise, we'll just continue to bargain with God. Secondly, because we do not know what is in store of us, it allows us to exercise our faith and therefore, allow us to develop a day to day, minute by minute, kind of personal relationship with God...constantly seeking for His guidance, wisdom and strength. That personal, intimate relationship with God is what makes Christianity so special. This close walk, with our Father, is just unreplaceable. And the promise that we hold is that God will never harm us as He loves us so much He sent His son to die for us on the cross. So, what's holding us from depending on God?

Love is something intangible. Many things are beyond our control, yet we humans, are often control freaks. Should something goes beyond our control, we become like frantic spiders. Perhaps what Jo said yesterday really makes sense. The more we try to take control of our lives, the harder it is for God to shower His blessings to us. Only if we are willing to loosen our clutch, then will we be able to receive God's goodness.

I should always be reminded, that in this relationshp with God, it's not about me. No longer is it about my welfare, my desires, my wants...but it's all about Him. Lord, help me to learn to be contented and appreciative with every single thing that you've blessed me with and let me stop asking for more.

Oh no, the week has yet to begun, and i'm already feeling very very tired even though i practically didn't do much work during the weekends. This is bad. I have loads to do actually, but just feeling so lazy and unmotivated. ZZ calls this the year 4 syndrome. I probably am a victim of it. Sigh. Maybe i'm just getting old...where did all the drive and energy disappear to?

Anyway, both of us just had a really big buffet dinner at Mandarin Oriental just earlier to celebrate dear's dad's birthday. The buffet was really fabulous, but i ate too much that i'm feeling so uncomfortable now. Gluttony. So much so that i don't feel like doing anything other than sleep for now.

Earlier this morning, while my mummy was walking with me and dad to church, she was just telling me to put sunblock on my face; warning me that i'll get pigmentation if i don't do so. She then went on to talk about the skin specialist she went for, and the beautiful skin he has. Then, she added a point which struck me...she said that if his skin isn't good, then he wouldn't be able to get much business since his credibility will be at stake. The same goes to dentists and beauticians. So i drew the parallel to us, as christians. If we, as christians, do not portray the Christian values which Christ has taught us, then how can they see Christ through us? It's truly our responsibility to be ambassadors of Christ, and therefore always be alert and careful with what we say and do.

Anyway, my crazy week is about to begin...and i'm feeling slightly apprehensive and hesistant to go through it. But time doesn't stop for me. I just hope that God will bring me through in one piece, and that hopefully, He will smoothen out the road a little by helping me out with my phd and fyp lab results.

soo busy :(

okay, this's gonna be a random and meaningless post. Wanted to start the day today knowing what's in store for me for the upcoming week...It's going to be a really really busy week ahead, and i hope i can breathe at the end of the week. So anyway, i'm just typing this post so i can organize the many things i need to do in my head.

tmr - church, matt's dad's bday
mon - make up DG
tues - lab presentation, crusade LM at night till 9.00pm
wed - DG at night till 9.30pm
thurs - cell grp at night till 11.00pm
fri - symposium biopharm talk in the aft, (1-6pm), JSS stayover at ecp till saturday afternoon

+ test following week (haven't started)
+ FYP experiments which probably is going to be a daily affair

okay, so i'm practically busy with all the christian night activities and the day activities in school. I doubt i'm gonna have enough rest, since friday's sleepover will probably be just a stayover and not a sleepover hehe. I'm not complaining though, kinda looking forward to mingling with the sunday sch kids. But, i guess i really need God's grace to sustain me throughout the week. Having had 10.5 hours of sleep last night is a good start!