matthias & davina

35 months :)

2009-11-07T21:45:00.002+08:00

Oh, and yesterday marked our 35 mths of being together, and it was nice to have spend it in Pasir Ris. Obviously we weren't celebrating it, but rather spending time with the JSS kids. But having to wish each other face to face is a great blessing already :). Yay, we're turning 3 soon!

And my birthday is coming soon. A pity that one of my birthday present has to be a test to start my day. Thinking about birthdays definitely make me feel old. In fact, i really felt old when i was playing with the kids yesterday. They had SOO much energy, i wonder where had all my energy gone to. They could literally yack non-stop, and stay up the entire night...while the energy-less me had to sleep in the tent to recharge. Anyway, i have 4 very simple birthday wishes this year: (and probably repeated for the years ahead hahaha)

1. For my mum and brother to receive Christ.
2. For my loved ones (family, matt and friends) to be healthy and happy.
3. For me and matt's r/s to strengthen and grow, with closer dependence on God
4. For me to grow up and be more mature; to be a more supportive and understanding gf, filial daughter, obedient child of God, to be a better and more encouraging friend.

JSS P5&6 stayover @ Pasir Ris Park

2009-11-07T16:02:00.002+08:00

I truly want and need to thank God for His goodness. My busy hectic week didnt turn out as bad as I thought. In fact, I wasn't as tired as I thought I would be. God was very gracious and granted me quite a bit of sleep as I do not have to go early to the lab for some of the days. I didn't go for LM on tuesday though, as I was held up by my fyp that evening due to some unexpected changes. As for yesterday's stayover, albeit tiring, I was very thankful that I get to sleep for almost a good 4-5 hours. So after getting back home, i bathed, and totally konked out for another 4 hours. And now, i'm refreshed to start studying for my test. But before I do so, I wanted to do some reflections about the stayover.

It's my 1st time joining matt's JSS (Junior Sunday School) stayover and i thoroughly enjoyed myself. We gave much thanks to the Lord, as Mondays - Thursdays were practically raining cats and dogs. But when it came to Friday evening, there was no rain, and the weather was rather nice and cooling. The amazing thing was Uncle Tony (the planner) refused to have any contingency plans (while we, of little faith, were really worried if the stayover had to be cancelled seeing that every other day of the week has been raining). He had great faith that God will hold the rain, and true enough, He did. Praise be to God. It's so heartwarming also, to hear that some of the kids were praying very hard throughout the week too. When both of us reached the place yesterday evening, the little ones were pitching their tents, and it was also my first time literally helping to pitch the tents. It was pretty fun and interesting. Followed which, these kids had to cook their own dinner. I think this was one of the fun parts, as they get the chance to find big stones and use solid fuel to cook their instant noodles and canned food. Both of us cheated, hehe, we ate dinner before we went :P.

This camp is special in the sense that no programmes were lined up. Basically, it was meant to facilitate the bonding of the P5 and P6's. So, they could do anything they want, play any games, and just be themselves. I was really comforted that the P6 girls approached me to ask me to play with them. So we had a good time playing cards together inside their tent, and afterwards, proceeded to play mother and hen, outside...and then some group games with the boys. I thus came to know the girls a little bit better and i'm thankful for the bonding session. As for the boys, they were like monkeys running around, and matt kept them entertained by playing ball games with them.

So anyway, we both had a good time mingling with these little ones. And it was through this stayover, (it's actually my 1st time literally sleeping in the tent), that made me see how beautiful each of this kid is no matter how monkey-ish they were. I am sure God has a great plan in store for each of them, as they continue to grow. The opportunity to stayover at a park, is truly refreshing. The sounds of the waves crashing on the breakwaters, the chirping of birds, the persistent croackings of toads through the night, the warm sunshine and the cooling seabreeze, is a very good break and reminder of God's magnificence for me. I'm glad I went for it :)

2009-11-07T15:16:00.003+08:00

Everything has come so fast, and so hard.
I'm surrounded by many people who have dreams to get rich, be successful, or basically just live comfortably.
Competing with them for these very same things have so little meaning.
And even if i didn't, its not that everything would just fall into place either.
Life is much more complex than that, and there is never a straight answer to everything.

At the end of the day, I have to realize...
that life is simply about God.

I live life for God.
The path towards Him, always seems like the illogical step away from success.
Many may proclaim his great blessings, but his blessings are truly borne out of great extraordinary steps; not the steps of an ordinary man.

Yesterday, talking to the yesteryear people...

In today's society,
The ordinary man might seek sexy girls and good sex,
the ordinary man might seek wads of cash,
the ordinary man might seek fame and a life of luxury.

The world is terribly polluted, and so many people i know have lost those core values within them...
the values which proclaim justice, love and peace.
the values which proclaim fidelity, honesty and integrity,
the values which proclaim salvation.

When will these values be regained?
Can an ordinary man forsake his desires for the world and for the pleasures of man, to seek an upright living as an extraordinary individual?
I suffer and struggle hard everyday.
Sometimes, i just feel sorry for so many of my friends, who have seemingly lost the battle, but yet hope, they might still win the war.

At the end of the day, you hope maybe Gods laws were laxed, and maybe repentance would provide redemption.
But, you really really hope that repentance comes.

God is seemingly lost in this world,
and the anti-christ coming has been foreshadowed by many of man's demons.

Love is lost,
God is seemingly unheard and unseen,
and people are becoming more and more Of this world.
God save our souls; especially us young ones.

God is our pillar of strength, and my wife of virtue (although i have been coming down a bit hard on her these last few days) is worth far more than rubies.
She is my only hope.

Conducting A Spiritual Audit

2009-11-05T15:56:00.002+08:00

Six questions to keep your personal account in order.

1. Am I content with who I am becoming? I must be sure my profession does not consume my person. It’s important that I be more than I do or have. When the time comes for me to leave my title and power, will I have anything to fill the vacuum? As i mature am I moving from power to wisdom; from the offensive to being sought out? “Throw off your old evil nature – the old you that was a partner in your evil ways – rotten through and through, full of lust and sham. Now your attitudes and thoughts must all be constantly changing for the better. Yes, you must be a new and different person, holy and good. Clothe yourself with this new nature.” (Eph 4:22-24)

2. Do I have a quiet center to my life? For many of us our life motto seems to be, “When in trouble, when in doubt, run in circles, scream, and shout.” God’s word, however, encourages us to “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10). There is an important difference between the fast track and the frantic track. By way of contrast, Jesus quietly “went about doing good.” He had a quiet center. A peace which evidenced the presence of God. Do I?

3. Is my prayer life improving? Do my decisions have prayer as an integral part, or do I make decisions out of my desires and then immerse them in a sanctimonious sauce I call prayer? “Do not be anxious about anything, but i n everything by prayer...present your requests to God” (Phil 4:6)

4. Is my humility genuine? There is nothing so arrogant as false humility. Humility is not denying the power that I have, but admitting that the power comes through me, not from me. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” (Phil 2:3)

5. Is obedience in small matters built into my reflexes? Do I try to bargain with God or rationalize with him? Obedience largely determines my relation with Christ. God intentions count for little. “Obedience is the test of whether we really live “in God’ or not. The life of a man who professes to be living in God must bear the stamp of Christ.” (I John 2:5,6)

6. Do I have joy? Joy is perfected in the full belief in the total sovereignty of God. Doubt dilutes joy. Does my joy extend into my suffering; understanding that my suffering is my maturation? “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4)

2009-11-05T14:35:00.002+08:00

You know, i often wondered, why God wouldn't just tell us His will. Wouldn't that make our lives much easier? Having to know what's in store for us will save us from the trouble of making difficult decisions, and also prevent us from choosing something that is not of His will. Be it the type of job, or applying for the right course, knowing what God wants out of us would definitely save us from going through the process of should i / should i not.

But then I thought and pondered harder again, and Jo's dg yesterday struck a chord to me. What if God's will is not something that you would want, would you still abide having known it beforehand? For example, if you know that God wants u to be a missionary in some poverty-stricken area, would you truly abide and go forth? Some may say yes, some may hesitate, some may just ignore. Perhaps the reason why we want to know God's will is a very selfish one....just wanting to avoid additional trouble, and sometimes, only if God's will is in line with our heart's desires, then will we go forth. Otherwise, we'll just continue to bargain with God. Secondly, because we do not know what is in store of us, it allows us to exercise our faith and therefore, allow us to develop a day to day, minute by minute, kind of personal relationship with God...constantly seeking for His guidance, wisdom and strength. That personal, intimate relationship with God is what makes Christianity so special. This close walk, with our Father, is just unreplaceable. And the promise that we hold is that God will never harm us as He loves us so much He sent His son to die for us on the cross. So, what's holding us from depending on God?

Love is something intangible. Many things are beyond our control, yet we humans, are often control freaks. Should something goes beyond our control, we become like frantic spiders. Perhaps what Jo said yesterday really makes sense. The more we try to take control of our lives, the harder it is for God to shower His blessings to us. Only if we are willing to loosen our clutch, then will we be able to receive God's goodness.

I should always be reminded, that in this relationshp with God, it's not about me. No longer is it about my welfare, my desires, my wants...but it's all about Him. Lord, help me to learn to be contented and appreciative with every single thing that you've blessed me with and let me stop asking for more.

2009-11-01T23:29:00.002+08:00

Oh no, the week has yet to begun, and i'm already feeling very very tired even though i practically didn't do much work during the weekends. This is bad. I have loads to do actually, but just feeling so lazy and unmotivated. ZZ calls this the year 4 syndrome. I probably am a victim of it. Sigh. Maybe i'm just getting old...where did all the drive and energy disappear to?

Anyway, both of us just had a really big buffet dinner at Mandarin Oriental just earlier to celebrate dear's dad's birthday. The buffet was really fabulous, but i ate too much that i'm feeling so uncomfortable now. Gluttony. So much so that i don't feel like doing anything other than sleep for now.

Earlier this morning, while my mummy was walking with me and dad to church, she was just telling me to put sunblock on my face; warning me that i'll get pigmentation if i don't do so. She then went on to talk about the skin specialist she went for, and the beautiful skin he has. Then, she added a point which struck me...she said that if his skin isn't good, then he wouldn't be able to get much business since his credibility will be at stake. The same goes to dentists and beauticians. So i drew the parallel to us, as christians. If we, as christians, do not portray the Christian values which Christ has taught us, then how can they see Christ through us? It's truly our responsibility to be ambassadors of Christ, and therefore always be alert and careful with what we say and do.

Anyway, my crazy week is about to begin...and i'm feeling slightly apprehensive and hesistant to go through it. But time doesn't stop for me. I just hope that God will bring me through in one piece, and that hopefully, He will smoothen out the road a little by helping me out with my phd and fyp lab results.

soo busy :(

2009-10-31T11:22:00.002+08:00

okay, this's gonna be a random and meaningless post. Wanted to start the day today knowing what's in store for me for the upcoming week...It's going to be a really really busy week ahead, and i hope i can breathe at the end of the week. So anyway, i'm just typing this post so i can organize the many things i need to do in my head.

tmr - church, matt's dad's bday
mon - make up DG
tues - lab presentation, crusade LM at night till 9.00pm
wed - DG at night till 9.30pm
thurs - cell grp at night till 11.00pm
fri - symposium biopharm talk in the aft, (1-6pm), JSS stayover at ecp till saturday afternoon

+ test following week (haven't started)
+ FYP experiments which probably is going to be a daily affair

okay, so i'm practically busy with all the christian night activities and the day activities in school. I doubt i'm gonna have enough rest, since friday's sleepover will probably be just a stayover and not a sleepover hehe. I'm not complaining though, kinda looking forward to mingling with the sunday sch kids. But, i guess i really need God's grace to sustain me throughout the week. Having had 10.5 hours of sleep last night is a good start!

Dinner Talk by Nicky and Sila Lee

2009-10-28T23:03:00.002+08:00

Having received an email invitation by our cell leader, Michael, to attend tonight's Dinner Talk on Family Life and Relationships by Nicky and Sila Lee, I was really excited and kept persuading matt to go with me. We were both highly interested to go but the cost factor was holding us back for a while as it costs $80 for a couple, inclusive of buffet dinner and the marriage book written by them.

Nicky and Sila Lee are the authors for Alpha Marriage, and have led numerous marriage courses, thus strengthening many couples. Before you get the wrong idea, no, we're not getting married yet...but we both thought it would be good to listen to them in person and gain a better understanding and perspective what this course is about. After the dinner talk we had, chances of us attending the marriage courses, when the time is right, are quite high :).

And it was so sweet that they prepared a rose each for the men to bless their wives. Oh i have to add, when we first arrived, it was urm, awkward. Cos almost 99% of the people there were married and of course, they came in pairs. So obviously, I was the youngest looking one....wearing my shirt-jeans attire, and when the em-cee started asking on who has the longest marriage etc etc, it was REALLY weird. but that makes it all the more fun :P some pictures another time!

If there's one thing I would like to be prayed for...

2009-10-26T22:04:00.002+08:00

would be to rejoice even when things are not going my way; for God is the creator of every situation and circumstance that happened. And I should be thankful that God is putting me in this situation, even if it's a fix, as it simply shows that He cares and wants me to grow and learn something from it. God gives us enough grace to tide through; and I should just have faith and let Him take control; for many things are beyond my means.

2009-10-25T14:44:00.002+08:00

Little Conversations..

2009-10-18T22:17:00.003+08:00

I think God knew i needed an avenue to vent on my fyp frustrations, and since matthias is bogged down with a whole load of projects, to my surprise, Thes messaged me on facebook. And so, we had a facebook chat. It's really my honour to be able to keep in touch with Thes. He's actually a phd student under Prof Mazzotti (my prof who taught me a module back in ETH Zurich); and so he was the co-tutor for the module i took. It was my most enjoyable module, partly cos i really enjoyed doing maths and Thes was always so nice and patient in explaining the concepts to me. It's funny how my SEP nostalgia also comes from school over there. I really really enjoyed classes in switzerland, even though it was tough!

Anyhow, we started chatting with the usual 'how're you', and so I started telling him about my fyp...and i think he had to take in all my whines from that short conversation. Ooops. And i started telling him how great it would be if i could do fyp under him, and how i really liked math (but not computational work)..and he said this:

"Thes: but that you like math makes you a perfect candidate for a project with us :-)"

How i wish i could do my fyp in switzerland! That would be so enriching and fun! But too bad, it wasn't meant to be. But i was really thankful for that short conversation, and the advices he gave to me...i think he could understand because he's doing post-doc himself and in the midst of research work. Thank God for that short conversation. Really am thankful to be able to keep in touch with him. Makes my SEP experience all the more worth it! :)

And that's him on the right!

My heart

2009-10-17T22:52:00.002+08:00

is a vulnerable little thing. However cold-blooded or unfeeling i try to be, i just can't do it. Emotions swallow me up like a tsunami, and i sometimes do hate it. But if you haven't already know me, i really feel for many things. And this feel is always directed towards sadness, empathy, sympathy, comfort, guilt.

I just can't control and can't stop myself from my natural inclinations to feel. It sounds funny i know, but my heart is really a powerful thing. It controls my entire body (i know everyone's heart does), but in terms of emotions control, i am really lousy. I cry when I'm sad, all the time, even if it's not on me. God is truly amazing to have created this little thing of great power.

2009-10-17T00:33:00.002+08:00

I feel that the world is slowly falling on me, and once again, i am losing my confidence and feeling utterly helpless and saddened. Haven't felt like this for a long time, the last was probably 2 years back. Is this the start of a long dark tunnel i'm supposed to go through again?

Not Again...

2009-10-14T16:03:00.002+08:00

once again, i'm being sucked into an emotional whirlwind...getting myself all depressed and demoralized now that things (or rather more explicitly, fyp) has taken a downturn. well, it's just fyp right? why should i get myself so worked-up over it? i don't know, it's probably the fact that time is running out, i have only about a month, and me (incl my phd mentor) seem totally clueless and i feel as though i'm just doing my expt aimlessly, trying to manipulate 1 out of a 1000 variables, hoping perhaps something miraculous would occur. But i don't like doing that, i feel as though i'm heading to nowhere, without a sense of direction and understanding of what i should expect to get out of all these.

i guess, what makes me even more jaded is that i feel terribly upset with the environment i'm working for my fyp. nobody talks to me, the phds talk amongst themselves, i tried to initiate and say hi a few times but that was it, and my phd mentor isn't really that friendly to talk to. so my mouth is practically shut everytime i'm in the lab, so my mind became really free to wander and put demoralizing pictures into my head.

but somehow, i know God has a reason for my existence and the fact that this expt was given to me. still, it just feels that my expt and presence in the lab is meaningless and futile...i don't see His purpose for me as yet. I'm not interacting as much as i wanted with any of the people around, and i'm not producing any solid work either.... so i'm just an aimless experimenter. perhaps, God wants to test me on my perseverance and faith. well, that's the only thing i could think of for now.

p.s.//just read Gen's blog, and it really depicts the amount of pain and hardwork in delivering a child. congrats Gen (guess u won't read this), but u're really amazing to be giving birth one after another!

2009-10-11T23:27:00.002+08:00

Somehow, it feels a little fun and exciting that matthias and i are going to apply for jobs at the same time. We're now in the process of polishing our resumes (though not actively doing so), and have started thinking and praying about the future jobs we would like each other to have. For now, both of us want to work in the same company / organization together, since it would make it so much easier to meet up and it'ld be fun to have the same colleagues! (that's just from my shallow perspective). While it's exciting to forsee ourselves working together, it's also a little scary since we don't really know what God has in store for us. Who knows, we might be working at opposite ends of Singapore! Nonetheless, God's plan for us is always perfect and pleasing, and we will claim that promise and hold on to that :)

He

2009-10-11T17:47:00.002+08:00

is really a good man. He's really a good boyfriend.
He would never intentionally want to hurt me, nor will he every stop loving me.
No matter how nonsensical i was, or how whiny or temperamental, he would know how to deal with me. Even if i get upset and all teary cos things don't turn out the way i wanted to (i.e. i didn't get to win haha), he would still embrace me with love at the end of the day.
That's him.
He's just who he is, inside and outside, a truly sentimental guy who loves God and cherishes his faith.
A guy whom i can always trust, a guy whom i forsee a future with, a guy whom i would like to support in his christian life.

It's just strange why God put such a deep abstract thinker like him to be with such a shallow, somewhat superficial and naive me. It gets me a little vexed sometimes when i wonder why he's always thinking soo much. Yet while he thinks a lot, i worry a lot. I guess, it's obvious that thinking would be far better than worrying. People say that when you're with someone for a long time, you'll become more and more like the person. I can't really tell if we're getting more similar, but one thing that's for sure, i'm becoming more like him....starting to think more (though i'm not sure if i'm thinking of things that i should think about), and starting to be less carried away. He said that i'm probably tired now, after working so hard for the past 3 years. I kinda lost my drive, and i don't know why and how i did it. I can't blame it on exchange, because i worked pretty hard there too!

Oh well. I'm indeed thankful for him, and am excited to know and see how God can use us, as one, to do His work...it wld be fun to do sunday sch together!

The human heart

2009-10-10T18:19:00.002+08:00

"In comparison with this big world, the human heart is only a small thing. Though the world is so large, it is utterly unable to satisfy this tiny heart. The ever-growing soul and its capacity can be satisfied only in the infinite God.

As water is restless until it reaches its level, so the soul has no peace until it rests in God."

2009-10-10T13:31:00.001+08:00

davina needs to desperately plonk her butt on a chair and do some real academic work...

2009-10-08T17:33:00.002+08:00

2009-10-06T23:16:00.002+08:00

its exactly 34 months so far... thats almost 36; almost 3 whole years.
34 months of looking back, many months of looking forward to.

Life has its twists and turns, hope and dread always has its say.

Surely, we are all who we are, nothing has changed; but yet so much has.

I have changed.
Life has its twists and turns, and i've had mine.
I've had my falls, I've had times when i walked on the wrong path, picked the wrong flowers, and lost things along the way.
But yet, I was never alone, always with my dear, always with God.
And God always has his say in my life.

How I wish, He had his say in "yours" too.
Life was never meant to be lived alone, the path was never meant to be walked alone.
Friends have come, and friends have gone...

You just wish for "forever"; that things wouldn't change, things would last a lifetime; and more.
It has only been 34 months, but still there is a lifetime to be forged; and an eternity to cherish.

"Forever" has been the theme of my life; the only thing that has meant something to me.
Forever is where life, love and hope intersects.

I love my dear

Happy 34th Monthsary :)

2009-10-06T22:43:00.004+08:00

Thank you dear, for loving me for the past 34 months, 1020 days, 24480 hours, 1468800 minutes, 88128000 seconds. :)

You've been there for me each and every single time i need you, and even when i didn't ask for you to be with me, you were still there for me.

We've shared many experiences, both local and overseas :), both sad and happy, both relaxing and tiring, both angry and hurtful, both forgiving and impatient moments. Each of these experiences have taught us something new, so that we can better learn to mould this relationship God has graciously blessed us with.

And we're both indeed very thankful and look forward to the future that is to come :) love u dear

The Booster Rocket

2009-10-01T10:09:00.000+08:00

Today God Is First Volume 1 by Os Hillman
Wednesday, September 30 2009

After the death of Moses the servant of the Lord, the Lord said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses' aide: "Moses My servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them-to the Israelites." Joshua 1:1-2
A rocket launch is truly an amazing phenomenon to me. Tons of weight is stacked vertically to the sky with thousands of gallons of fuel exploding in a matter of moments. Soon the rocket drops its take-off boosters and uses additional boosters to move the rocket to the next stage of the mission. The first engines have a unique purpose...to get the rocket to the next stage.
Joshua was known for almost 40 years as "Joshua, servant of Moses." God's preparation for him required years of selfless service, training in the desert, and tests of faith. Those preparation years were booster rockets designed to move Joshua into each new stage of his development and his ultimate calling.

God allows each of us preparation times to lay a foundation that He plans to build on. Some of those foundation times appear to be laborious and meaningless, yet these varied experiences are what God is using to frame your life for the message He plans to speak through you. Without these foundational experiences, the Jordan River can never be crossed and we cannot enter the Promised Land.

Embrace these times of seeming inactivity from God. They, too, are a rocket booster to your next stage of your walk with God.

Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6).

Chemical Engineers

2009-09-30T22:40:00.002+08:00

Chemical engineers, being chemical engineers, has been notoriously well-knowned to be highly competitive, to the extent that it amuses me. We not only run (literally) to the tutorial class with the best tutor, but we also ruthlessly seek for short cuts, desperately leeching tips from fellow friends and seniors, and also commit unethical behaviours. Perhaps it seems really subtle and insignificant, but chemical engineers would always try, to their best ability, to churn out the best results they could ever get, so their reports would look as perfect as always. I was highly amused in my chemical engineering lab just a few days back:

Taking out some sheet of paper and analyzing,

Person A: I need to do some creative accounting...
Me: huh? is that a module? i only heard of financial accounting..
Person B: tweak tweak
Me: ohhhhh i get it, it's a professional term for tweaking results!

Sigh, seems like in this course, results and grades matter more than anything else. I guess, that's the definition of perfection and success to many in the cohort. And that's not anything new and unusual.

Sometimes in life, God gives you the support to make things right :)

2009-09-30T22:27:00.004+08:00

Series of pictures taken at the Leaning Tower of Pisa, Italy

and... God has given me you :)

hmmmm...

2009-09-27T14:52:00.002+08:00

In celebration of children's day, the JSS (Junior Sunday School) kids get to go on a little trip to changi airport for some fun. Since dear's a dedicated sunday school teacher for years now, I get the chance to join in and help out! I guess we all really enjoyed ourselves making the kids remember bible verses, playing games to teach them biblical principles at different stations in the airport. Despite the fact that some of them are little terrors (imagine them calling me 'loser' and 'hey shortie!'), i just can't really get very angry with them no matter how much they run around like monkeys and swinging their yoyos all around. Little naughty joel surprised me when he actually gave in and told me that he'll pass his yoyo to me (after persistent naggings and warnings of course), but on the condition that i return to him after that particular station. Usually rebellious kids at the p5/p6 age wouldn't do that, especially boys grinz. And little valerie was so adorable when she came telling me all her personal stories. She even named me all her 4 best friends in order!

I guess i really have something for children, and i think it won't be long before i decides to serve in sunday school..but probably not at the moment. Don't ask me why i'm in chemical engineering.