matthias & davina

2012-01-04T20:41:00.002+08:00

In the quietness of the night, it's just me and the computer today. My heart feels really heavy, frustrated and vexed over a remark made by my parents. I know they wanted more so as to be "fair" and in a way, follow the customs. But I have no control over this either, and I'm just thankful for all that have been given. I guess, at the end of the day, it's not really important at all, and I hope my parents will not feel in any way shortchanged. Being in the middle, I feel tugged and of course wish everyone would be happy. But when things are not so rosy, I guess someone just has to give in.

Sometimes I feel that I really worry too much. Not sure if most of them are unfounded, but one thing i'm sure of, is that these worries bite into me. It makes me fall into a bottomless pit, getting myself all so pessimistic and gloomy, thinking that there's no way out, and affecting people around me with my mood. Then, I ask myself why can't I just be filled with the joy of the Lord..and what does Matt 6:33 really mean to me? In a way, worrying excessively is disobeying God for it must be of utmost importance if God clearly states in the bible that we should not worry about tomorrow. Yet, the heart is weak. O God, may you teach me how to lay my burdens and worries at the foot of the cross.

I have been questioning myself about life these days. I guess I'm desperately trying to seek meaning in my day to day life, in search of God's purpose for me. Golly, I am in great desire to feel useful! Not for my glory, but His to be done.

This is such a random post, made up of sentences and paragraphs that don't really flow. But oh well, I am just feeling moody and all...and for the rarest time, I went online on msn and facebook trying to see who I can talk to...and ended up realising that I couldn't find anyone that I could really talk to that was online. That's sad. I suddenly felt like a loner, and ended up in this space, typing irrationally. It's tiring to be optimistic when you're sad, and it's even more tiring trying to be happy so that others won't feel sad when they look / talk to you.

Anyway, I think I'm not getting anywhere. I shall stop it here.

We're in it together.

2011-09-08T23:34:00.002+08:00

Dear,

I just want you to know that I'm with you. Know that you're feeling jaded, lost and directionless, feeling confused with where God is leading you to - or maybe even wondering if you're listening to God's voice, but I really want to encourage you to be thankful for whatever situation we're in. Good or bad, we shld be thankful that we have God in our hearts and we know He will never forsake or leave us. That's His promise. More often than not, we wish things would happen the way we envisioned it to be, that we could control getting what we want and think that it shld be what God wants of us as well. But really, He works in mysterious ways we cannot fathom. But we know that He knows what's best for us - even if it means being denied of worldly pleasures. However, we musnt lose our joy - for joy comes from the Lord as it's one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. Let us be joyful even in sadness, knowing that God is in control.

I love you and you know, I realy wish things would happen the way you want it to, cos i'ld love to see u happy but coming to think of it, i'ld rather things happen God's way cos I can't tell what's best for u in the future. I can't see things beyond my sight, not sure what lies in the unknown. But God knows and He cares. Just want to encourage you that God has actually answered our prayer so clearly. Though He said No, it was clear right? If the door is wrong, it doesn't mean that you're underserving of it..but simply means that it's not meant for u or that it's the wrong timing. Whatever it is, God will open new doors and slowly but surely, we'll find that right door together. I want to be part of this journey with you, to hold your hand and to be your support. To share tears and joy with you, and be your companion. Let us take heart, and cast our worries and fears unto the Lord. Let this not be a burden on you okay? :) through trials and tribulations, we learn and we get humbled. Even Jesus who was God, was willing to be like one of us. All glory goes to Him and Him alone. We've been teaching our jss kids about making decisions haven't we? Let us then practise what we've taught..to pray and tap on God's power for wisdom.

Let us continue to walk this journey of life together, with God's light leading us. No matter what it takes, we know a cord of three strands is not easily broken.

I love you, through and through.

Your dearest :)

2011-08-20T22:32:00.002+08:00

It's been a while, and much things have happened since my last post. In short, it was a very trying period but we've now grown to be much stronger than before. Thank God for how he has led us through each and every hurdle that we face. His grace, we cannot fathom and cannot taken advantage of. This love we cherish, for it was His grace that brought us to each other.

Anyway, just wanted to let out some thoughts. Year 2012 - a year to really celebrate and look forward to with the upcoming weddings, not just mine but also my brother's. While it's a joyous occassion, I do feel a tug in my heart knowing my parents' hearts. I'm sure they are happy for us both, but I also do know they are wondering of what's like to go through an impending empty-nest phase of their lives. Having been their one and only daughter, I could more or less understand their feelings and thoughts, even though it remains unsaid most of the time. They may express it differently, saying that it's okay for us to move out and all, but I know deep down that they wished that at least one of their children would stay by their side. And I'm already starting to feel that my mum is trying to take it all in, trying to adjust and adapt to the upcoming changes and that itself kinda makes me sad. I really wish for my parents nothing but happiness.

And I know my hubby-to-be really wishes to migrate and get out of this stifling country. I really do love the place he wants to go to as well, but when I put myself in my parent's shoes and feel for them, i know they would definitely want me around to take care of them. Life is full of hard choices sometimes. As the Lord leads. If He wills, He will clear the obstacles.

On a side note, I am still feeling very lousy as a person. I used to pray everyday, wanting to be like Jesus more and more each day. But when I look at myself right now, I feel really really ashamed. Even at work, it seems like whatever I'm doing is just for myself. I need to really look beyond self, be a better friend, and help the less fortunate. I believe i've a soft heart, a heart that really feels, and I need to make use of that like how i used to volunteer to help out in Salvation Army and THKMS. Felt that life back then was really more meaningful. Should really consider doing a regular form of volunteering / social work again. I want to extend my heart out to God's people and be a blessing rather than always being at the receiving end.

This's a post that's all over the place. But i'm blogging because my heart is feeling really all soft and formless right now...oh well.

when Satan strikes..

2011-08-06T23:11:00.002+08:00

Believe there's a spiritual attack going on...cos of all times, it's resurfacing now. The same old issue that I've been trying to grapple for years. And it really hurts, it bites into my very heart. I've tried to voice it out, but I really feel hopeless at this stage. While I wish a choice could be made according to what I feel should be the way for the better of the future, I know it's tearing u apart and therefore, makes me in a fix. I very much feel like the bad person here, as I think I'm probably the cause of the entire mess. At times like this, it's really not difficult for me to just absorb the pain and continue life as it is..and just take it in. But then again, the pain accumulates and there's a threshold. I do feel that I'm reaching the treshold and I'm afraid what would happen when I've reached the burst pressure. It's a scary though and I feel desperate. You know, I really hate my heart. Hate it so much. I feel so lousy abt myself for kicking up a fuss, and making life difficult for u. The situation is diffiuclt + hurting u makes me all the more feel worse inside. I really want to retreat and take it all in, as how I used to be. But I really don't know if I could then display genuine happiness.

Need God's direction, really...especially when I feel Satan is currently planting all sorts of thoughts and emotions in me. Is this a test of our foundation, God? How do we make wise choices like the man who build his house on solid ground, and not fall into the trap of the foolish who sought the easy way by building his house on sand that topples? What would Jesus do in this situation?

My heart yearns for Your comfort and security, Father. Grant me thy peace.

Our Engagement (080711) :)

2011-07-29T23:48:00.004+08:00

To the only boy that I would ever say "Yes, I Do":

It must have been really brain wrecking for you to think of the "best" way to propose to me. Honestly, whether you were going to propose to me in the restaurant, beach, void deck or anywhere else doesn't really matter. As long as it's from the heart and as long as it's sincere, I will definitely say yes to you because you've long won my heart. Thank you so much for taking all the effort to customize the ring. Heard so much from Alex that you spent alot of time coming down to the shop, and talking to him about the ring even 11+pm at night! The many months that you took to research about diamonds, and choosing the little details of the design - i really appreciate it. But you need to know that it's definitely not the ring that won my heart. Even if it were to be a 0.1k diamond ring, I would still say yes without any hesitation. Guess one of the most difficult part for you (which I imposed) was to ask my hand from my parents without me knowing. Well, I really believe in honouring and respecting parents - so i think geting their permission is definitely a must. And I want to thank you for making that extra effort / mile to do it. Must be really hard since I'm always with you and you with me, but I'm proud of you that you did it. It must be a very nervous moment for you. You must have imagined what to do if my parents were to say "Not now" because i know "No" will never be their answer for you.

Your proposal was so sweet and cute in everyway, and just recollecting the memories of that day would make me chuckle and smile. You not knowing where to do it but yet want to do it somehow on the 8th of July, you trying to make it all seem natural so that I won't be the least bit suspicious, you trying to feign being allergic and thus find the excuse to remove your other shirt...dear, it's really so so sweet and my heart literally melted when I saw your hand-woven shirt and as you knealt on the ground, with your eyes full of love and sincerity, and asked "Will you marry me?" (with the ring held upside down hehehe), I could not say no. Obviously I was in shock, because I was really worried about your allergy! In fact, I thought it was so serious that I was frantically searching my bad for some anti-histamine pills..until i read the words on your shirt. You really got me dear, a job well done! haha. I always thought i would be smart enough to anticipate your proposal, but you have outwit me in this! Aiyah, but i maybe should have really paused for a while so that you would have said your message! I didn't know that you prepared a message. Had i known, i would have cheekily waited to hear those words. But hearing it after that also touched me nonetheless, and i truly just thank God for you. You're the greatest blessing in my life, and God has been so good to us. May He continue to shower His blessings to us, as we look forward to build together a household of faith.

"Will you marry me?" Hmmm...

"Yes Dear, with all my heart" :)

My very cute fiance, whom I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with!

The ring worn on the middle finger on that day cos it was a little too big!

(Dont blame him because my fingers are really bony beyond measure lol)

I am eagerly looking forward to the day we officially become husband and wife.

May God protect our love, and may He be the centerpiece of our marriage foundation. For without Him, we would not have loved.

Now that we're engaged, we will be really busy with the upcoming wedding preparations. We're both looking forward to all the planning, and are thankful for the blessings received and for the help that have been offered. May this wedding planning period also be a good time for us to build our decision making and communication skills as a couple. We'll hopefully try to blog and pen down our wedding preparations along the way, so that we will be able to look back at these memories in the future.

*****************

Disclaimer: Apologise if this post is too cheesy. This post is not to brag about my ring or how fortunate I am. But really just for us to remember this special moment of our lives, and hopefully,that others would be blessed by our joy.

A titleless post.

2011-07-29T23:02:00.002+08:00

This post is gonna be about and for you. I guess things have kinda soured between us ever since we went for that trip together. It's indeed very sad that things turned out this way, and I never meant any of it to happen. When I told you that I was blessed and thankful to have met you and that God has placed you in my life back then, I was sincere and I still believe that it was God's plan for us to meet. I still thank God for you, and never regreted the times we've shared. This post is not a post to differentiate who was right or wrong, good or bad, but just my feelings about this issue all these while. Perhaps I won't be able to pen everything down in words, but maybe putting it here (even if you don't see it) would allow me to just release my emotional burden and submit it to the Lord. Honestly, I've been really tired having this emotional burden resurfacing in my heart time and time again and it's time I let it go. If it's God's will for you to see this post, then I want to say sorry if I've caused you any form of discomfort / sadness /disappoint / anger at any point in time. Well, I personally don't hold and haven't held anything against you all these while. Things went awkward between us, perhaps because I might not have agreed with you in everything and went ahead doing things the way I thought should be done. In all honesty, I felt really bad for neglecting your concerns at certain critical times of yours. And i hope you won't hold that against me. Perhaps I should have tried harder to compromise back then. Later I also found out that you couldn't trust me anymore, and hearing that very words broke my heart because I have never ever thought of giving up this friendship. When trust is no longer there, the friendship can no longer possibly hold. That was then I started to hold myself back and was thus afraid of being forward/initiative in the friendship. Guess this led to a domino effect and spiralled into a prolonged period of quietness, coldness and awkwardness. I guess perhaps maybe both of us had ever thought of closing the bridge and reconcile, but just that we don't know what each other was thinking - and therefore none of us made that move. As time passes, things have changed and we've each continued our different paths of life, so much so that it seems like we are slowly beginning to become complete strangers. It's really sad, but I'm also very happy to see you happy. Don't know the little details of your life, but just from the surface of looking at things (accurate or not i do not know), it seems like you're doing well and are enjoying your work and church ministry. For that, I'm happy for you. Just hope you know, I really did pray for you and for our friendship - I've asked God why things had to turn out this way. Many thoughts came through my mind and I always wonder if i'm just really a lousy friend. This is not the first time I've lost a friendship, and it just pains me to see it happen time and time again. When things happen the second or third time, it's really easy to just conclude that "it must be me again". Perhaps the root cause for the friendship failure is me? my heart? or was it just meant to be? I really don't know and am trying to figure it out myself. I tried to smile and open myself up when I see you, but perhaps, it may be all just a pretense in your opinion which I don't blame you for thinking that way. But just wanna say that...if the bridge between us is not meant to be repaired, then the only thing that I could do is really just to ask God and whipser a prayer of blessing and protection for you and your loved ones. If two hands doesn't clap anymore, then may God replenish you with an extra abundance of friendship. I am sorry for how things have turned out the way it is now, and I sincerely seek for your forgiveness in any way. Nothing of this was my intention, and I really do mean what I've said. God bless you.

2011-07-10T21:05:00.002+08:00

Have an issue in my life:
I squeeze, and its like getting water out of a rock
He squeezes, and its like opening a tap

What does God want me to do?
Get a staff? I am so flawed as a human being.
So flawed.

New mantra for the week... "Just need to hold on to God"

2011-07-10T20:48:00.002+08:00

i'm tired....
From the day i was born, maybe i shud have just been left in the garbage.
i guess i'm just jealous then
i need to learn from my sis, cos she has managed to look past so much.
But, maybe, i'm just stressed by situations and things around me.
and this is a journey that God puts me through.
I hope I can understand.

Its true. I should change.
As hard as it is. I should. I am not right as well.
But whatever God gives, we take as blessings. Whatever God does not give, we do not touch.
don't know why.. its just me.

Too much pent up hurt, anger, and unforgiveness. God help me.

A new journey beckons.

2011-06-26T21:39:00.004+08:00

Tomorrow marks my first day of work at my new company. Just a few weeks ago, I remember blogging about how I was at a crossroad in my life and how I was desperately asking God which direction I should be heading for. He did not fail me, and gave me a very clear answer. He provided me a way out and answered my prayer. By faith, I followed His guidance and by faith, I will start a new journey again. The new journey ahead may be hilly, but I believe this is God's will for me in my life. Having taken that step, I am assured that God's plan is best for me and it will work out according to what has been planned. May God bless this journey ahead, and may I trust Him and walk by faith. It's definitely gonna be exciting and will definitely need your prayers alongside.

Before my break officially ends, we've both been experimenting and coming up with a few dishes during the past week or so and thought it would be good to post some pictures of them here. Hopefully, we will be able to continue this passion / interest of ours and more importantly, to continually improve and hone whatever cooking skills we have.

Dear's chicken and vegetable stew:

Dear's wedges with melted cheese, and stuffed breaded chicken with cheese:

My experiment on Carbonara & stuffed chicken:

Stuffed chicken with capsicum, garlic and herbs:

Carbonara:

If time and energy permits, I would really like to try baking Almond & Pistachio Biscuit Crisps next! I told dear that when we get married in the future, if this recipe turns out successful, this would be his snack at home. It would be killing 2 birds with one stone cos it's healthy and I get to save $$ on not buying other unhealthy junk food!

Till then! Maybe I will try putting up some Bhutan pictures when I feel like it haha.

Camp Faith was a MIRACLE!

2011-06-21T22:30:00.004+08:00

I don't know how to start this post. While desperately trying to pen things down in an organized manner, I can't help but have these phrases running through my mind right now:

- I feel so spritually refreshed and rejuvenated.
- God has been so so real.
- God has moved the Frankelites and everyone who was there at the camp.
- I am totally wow-ed and in awe of how majestic God is.
- God can move indeed move the mountains.
- By faith, we have seen the hand of God.
- God has answered a prayer that I've been praying for years!

And these short phrases just keep flashing through my mind, and I want to pen all these down before a new day awakens. Every thought in my head is a beautiful mess right now, and I honestly don't know what I should write next. All of us (300+ campers) worshiping God together in one voice and spirit was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. As we formed a circle in the dark with a lighted candle in our hands, the atmosphere was just one filled with unity. As we cry out to God and thirst for Him, I can't help but to weep. The desire is so great and all of us knew, that God was present amongst us. So many faith encounters, so many thanksgiving - God is just so marvelous and too good to be true. Pastor Benny Ho's messages were extremely inspiring and there was so much that we have taken home from him. I can just go on and on, but really, each of us who have gone through Camp Faith has gone home different. We've been renewed, we've been changed, we've been refreshed. Our focus has been realigned with our eyes fixed on him and we know, that this race is not going to be easy. But we're going to end this race well as one body in Christ.

I could really go on with the details but I think, I would like to take this time to share my personal testimony in this space of mine, hoping that it would encourage the hearts of christians who have been praying for their family.

To start of with, this was my first church camp I've been. Sure, I've been to a young adults camp, youth camp and several JSS camps, but attending a church camp was my first and it is really the best camp I've ever been. There were so many things that I've learnt, many people that I've met and fellowship with and most importanly, many encounters with God. Having been recently baptized in BFEC, I felt that it was essential for me to attend this year's church camp (titled "Camp Faith") with the main purpose of really getting to know more Frankelites and to encounter God in an intimate manner. For those who may know, the past month was really tiring for me. I was desperately crying out to God to reveal His plan for me in my career and it was an exciting time as He unfolded His plan right before my eyes in His timing. I have actually went through my first resignation but before that liberation, it was a real tough struggle. I thank God that He provided (I will leave that to another post), and was really looking forward to this camp for spritual rejuvenation and refreshment as I felt I needed to spend time with Him.

Initially, I did not consider asking my parents to come for this camp until dear and his parents asked me. As I pondered, I just naturally felt that they would most probably be hesitant and cook up several excuses to not want to come. I was pretty sure that it's gonna be a "No" mainly because they do not really know anyone there except me, dear and his parents. And as my mum is not a believer and knowing her, she would definitely feel uncomfortable with all the expected sharing and group discussions. But the amazing thing was through a few conversations to persuade them to go and a final sms that I sent to confirm their attendance, they actually replied "Okay". I was really surprised and happy of course. That was the first sign of God's goodness! For one, I know one of the main reasons my dad agreed was because he wanted my mum to come to Christ. Nevertheless, I thank God for their decision and was exceptionally proud of my parents for taking that step of faith. Nearing the date of the camp, my parents especially my dad started to show signs of anxiousness. He felt really insecure not knowing the camp schedule / programme. I could not in any way find out for him because it will only be revealed on the first day of camp itself when the camp booklet gets distributed to all campers. I could only briefly tell him what to expect based on my previous camp experiences. As his anxiousness develops, I myself was getting a little worried for my parents. I had worried thoughts running through my head such as whether they would be sticking at one corner by themselves, whether they would want to be involved in the games, whether they would find the worship / sermons too radical etc etc. Eventually, my worries were really unfounded for. You will find out why as you read on. But I must thank God that the camp committee has put my parents in a different group from me, because that really made them come out of their comfort zone.

Finally when it was time to leave for camp, God was good and provided journey mercies to Pulai Springs without any traffic jam at the causeway. When we reached there, I was realy anxious to want to introduce people for them to meet and make friends with. God provided many Frankelites who really took the effort to talk to them and made them feel welcome - dear's parents, dear's auntie and uncles, my cell group leader, etc etc. It was just too many to name. Well, partly because I've been telling many people about them and have been garnering their prayers for my family. I thank God for each and everyone of them. Thank God that Auntie Wai Peng and Uncle Kheng Sin were in their group, because they really took good care of my parents during all the group activities. To my delight, my parents fit in to their group pretty well. Once in a while, I would glance over to take a peek at how they were doing. Seeing them getting their hands involved in the games and group discussions really warmed my heart greatly. Throughout the 4 days, dear and I tried not to stick with them too much - and allow them to expose themselves to other people. It was really comforting to see my parents coming out of their own realm of space, because it was then I began to clearly see God's hand working on them.

I was personally touched when one morning, Auntie Kate came to me and told me that she would like to give my parents a book that she wrote - a book containing her life stories and how God was there to provide for her each step of the way. She meant specially as an evangelistic tool for my mum and I was really touched by her kindess. To my surprise, that night, I saw my mum actually starting to read the book! Praise be to God! I pray that she will complete reading it and be blessed by it.

Although my parents perhaps felt uneasy when we were called to kneel before the Lord and to go to the front to receive prayers, I was still really really proud of them. Just as I thought that camp was just going to end after a short worship and prize presentation, there was a segment where campers were free to speak through the mike to share their thanksgiving. Elder Jimmy walked around and passed the mike to certain people and I was secretly hoping not to get the mike because I wasn't ready. After hearing several sharings, I thought this was just gonna be it...until Uncle Kheng Sin (my parent's group leader) stood up and asked Elder Jimmy to pass the mike to my dad to share because he's a first timer! At that moment, you should have seen me and dear's face. We were totally stunned and our jaw literally dropped as we stared into each other's faces. I suppose my dad's heart stopped momentarily as he looked nervous and unprepared. (or perhaps he was already planning something in his head as a backup plan, who knows?) At first, I had a slight feeling that perhaps he would decline speaking, but to my another surprise, he held the mike and stood up to speak! My heart practically stopped to listen what he was going to say. I just felt lost in space during that minute. My dad actually shared about how it was me and my persuassive power that got him and my mum to come for this camp. He continued to go on about how he initially was hesitant cos he didn't really know anyone else but at the end of it all, he felt happy that he came because he felt so welcomed here. Albeit simple, it was really heartwarming. This is the first time I've ever seen my dad share something so personal in a crowd (a big crowd), and I was literally holding back on my tears. It was really tears of joy within. At that instant, I knew something has clicked in my dad's heart through this camp. Something has moved him and he's not going to go home the same as before. He's a changed man. A man, renewed of his faith. Hallelujah! When camp broke, the next thing that happened was Uncle Kheng Sin asking my dad and mum to join for his cell group. As far as I know, they have agreed to go and give it a shot. This was my prayer for my dad all these while, can u imagine? I have been praying so hard that he would join a cell group, to fellowship with his fellow brothers and sisters, and slowly serve God in ministry. GOD HAS ANSWERED MY PRAYER after many years! All praise goes to Him. Dear was so touched by it that he teared immediately after my dad's sharing. It was just so moving. I really don't know how else to describe this incredible feeling. My heart just felt so warm.

Pardon me for my poor sentence structure, grammar and vocabulary but I pray that my sharing of how God has answered my prayer will be an encouragement to others. Although my prayer for my mum has not yet been answered, I believe He who has began the good work will see it to completion. By faith, God will move the mountains.

I've encountered God through Camp Faith and it was beautiful to have encountered it with dear. We had not only an intimate time with God, but we had intimate fellowship, worship and sharing together with our Saviour. We cried out together as one, prayed together as one, danced together as one, rejoiced together as one. This camp has truly brought us even closer than before because we've both held on to God (our centerpiece) even tighter.

I've seen His hand in my life and I've heard Him speak to me throughout the 4 days. "Be Bold for Me" was what I believe God wants me to do. Fear has always been my foothold and it's time I resurrect this fear unto God. May God continue to do His work in me, and may I continue to run this race well for Him.

We've all been blessed by this wonderful worship song "By Faith" during the camp. Even my parents enjoyed it so much :). So, I would like to share the lyrics with you here and hope you'll be blessed by it too.

I give thanks to God for He is good. There is really no one else like Him.

Words and Music by Keith & Kristyn Getty & Stuart Townend

By faith we see the hand of God

In the light of creation's grand design

In the lives of those who prove His faithfulness

Who walk by faith and not by sight

By faith our fathers roamed the earth

With the power of His promise in their hearts

Of a holy city built by God's own hand

A place where peace and justice reign

We will stand as children of the promise

We will fix our eyes on Him our soul's reward

Till the race is finished and the work is done

We'll walk by faith and not by sight

By faith the prophets saw a day

When the longed-for Messiah would appear

With the power to break the chains of sin and death

And rise triumphant from the grave

By faith the church was called to go

In the power of the Spirit to the lost

To deliver captives and to preach good news

In every corner of the earth

We will stand...

By faith this mountain shall be moved

And the power of the gospel shall prevail

For we know in Christ all things are possible

For all who call upon His name

We will stand...

self-discovery

2011-06-09T18:50:00.000+08:00

I am someone who is definitely not meant to climb up the corporate ladder...

2011-05-30T19:56:00.003+08:00

When davina is away, this blog becomes all mine.
And I really need the space to just air..... air so many thoughts and troubles.

Today, started the day pretty slow, unsure what to do. Did up a photo appendix, before a meeting ensued.
During the meeting, mind started to wander, extremely distracted. Ended up, I think I couldn't really catch what my boss and colleague were talking about. There's no reason why I was distracted, and I really couldn't fathom why.

But anyway, basically, I couldn't understand what they were saying! In some ways, in definitely made sense. Just that to me, I really couldn't understand why they had to raise this question, or bring up that topic. It was just straightforward to me, and to me, just do what should be done. I find myself struggling, for the particular reason, that I prefer to just do, and not contemplate so much. If I spent my time doing, the total amt of work that would result would be so much greater and more complete than contemplating so much. Contemplation is okay, but communication slows down things too drastically.

This is a far cry from what I used to be during exams in NUS. I used to contemplate about everything, and end up writing nothing, cos I was never convinced that my answer was complete enough. Sigh... so having adapted to uni, I have to readapt again. I believe I can, its just frustrating having to do it so quickly.

Started getting frustrated at myself, and things started to "whirl". Either my education was useless, or work is not what its meant to be. Just so happen, came across an ex-classmate's linkedin profile. Have seen this guy/girl work before. And not to be mean, but just don't understand why someone would employ them. Think its all about credentials to me. Not exactly credentials, but what you make your credentials sound like. Its a real farce.

Well, but fair and square I guess. He got the job. The proud side of me would say, they have a flawed interview system. The humble side of me would probably say, I got a flawed sense of self. Which brought me to another question. Why some people value me so highly, and some not?

Over time, they say, things become clear. And maybe that is why, just that half the time, we don't really know the other person. During interviews, its even worse.... So maybe they don't know me well enough, or maybe I don't express who I am enough. Yes, its all about fluctuating probability.

But, nonetheless, that brought me to yet another question. Who do I really know? Sigh, and that stumped me and brought me into depression. Somewhere inside me, I wish I had those few best friends I could do everything with, share everything with, and trust everything with. Doesn't help that one of them is away in Bhutan right now.

I know I don't get along with everyone. Sometimes, its simply about values. Other times, probably pride. Yet, at other times, its probably about "just don't like his/her face". Maybe, at times, its about jealousy. And the rest of the time, its probably just not being proactive enough. But, then again, sometimes people don't want to get along with you.

For me, I think I have an underlying motive. That I am extremely sentimental. And I don't like change. The perfect scenario would be me being able to retain all my friends from primary and secondary school. The people I meet nowadays... Not enough space for one more friend. At least, not enough space for what I would define as true friendship.

I don't deny it might be exactly the same for me, which makes it so tough. Maybe, its just an asian thing.

So, I wish I could be free. Free like a bird, free to do whatever I wanted and when I wanted to. Uninhibited by anything, living life with a ruthless fancy, confidence and choice in what I would just so automatically do. Think I was a bit like that during NS. And I was happy then. But, it didn't exactly turn out as gd as I would have wished it did. But, that feeling of liberation and happiness was undoubted. I really felt free. Free of fears, Free of inhibitions, Free of people.

How times change. And I see that in others that I envy. I wouldn't say its the best thing to be. But when I see it and see some of them succeed at it, I wonder. Could I and Should I be like that? But yet, I see all the flaws in being that way, and it humbles me. And I'm not sure what is right or wrong, unsure what should be done, what I should be like.

Life is complicated. I wish and look fwd to meeting up with dave. He's awesome, and well, you know, he really doesn't need me as a friend cos he has so many.

I'm an introvert. 51% of me anyway. I'm like a fluctuating monster. One minute, I'm extraverted, one minute introverted. One minute happy, the next sad, and the next angry. I'm definitely satsified that I get to experience so much in my life, but its draining the life out of me.

I wish I were logical, but that I'm definitely not. I train myself to be, but it never always happens enough. Feel like a wreck sometimes. I spent 80% of my energies just focusing to keep all emotions in check. 20% on my work. But how I wish, that it was the other way.

Battling my emotions has been the bane of my life. Heaven must be wonderful in that way for me. That I will just be happy. And then, 80% of me and my worries just fly out the window. I am definitely looking forward.

Maybe I should preach. These emotions do something good in the sense that it brings out creativity from within me. It provides me the reliance on God, that a preacher so needs. And somewhere along the lines, God unlocked a gift, that helps me to present well, with sufficient charisma; derived from Him. Just so wish I knew what was meant to be.

I'm okay being poor. I just need a purpose.
Even if I were rich, I might be happy.
But, please God, show me what is meant to be.

You're Precious in His Sight

2011-05-11T22:24:00.002+08:00

Jordon O' Jordon,

If only you knew how special you are, and

how you were made so wonderfully and beautifully in God's eyes.

If only you knew how much God loves you,

and how much He cares for you.

If only you knew that God understands what you're going through,

so much so that He hurts even more when you are hurt.

If only you knew,

just how precious you are in His sight.

More precious than the finest gold and silver.

Jesus is your best friend.

And we all love you, so much.

Crossroads

2011-05-08T18:17:00.002+08:00

The crossroad infront of me is visible and I cannot avoid it. I'm not sure if I should steer to another direction or if I should continue going straight. I don't have very much time to think as I have to make a decision real soon - and real soon means within this week or so. Seriously, I have no idea what to do and what I want to do, because there's no real secure backup plan. And because of that, being human, I'm afraid. I'm scared. Being pretty much of an escapist, I try not to think about the pending decision deadline and try to carry on with my usual life routine. But being aware that the date is looming near, makes it difficult to really shun away from the decision-making thought process. I've been praying, and really trying to trust God that He will do His will. But somehow, I'm just afraid that He wants me to just let go without knowing what's next. It also doesn't help knowing that making that decision will definitely face a lot of opposition from family and probably, friends.

Today, at Sunday School, I noticed one of the p5 boys in our class left halfway during the lesson. I saw him, and "chased" him to bring him back. It started with a little bit of probing about his actions and why he has seemed to lose interest in sunday school, and it escalated into a deep heart-to-heart talk with this child. We talked for a good half-an-hour or so, and I realised how desperate this child needs to feel and be loved. Him sharing his deepest inner feelings with me about being rejected, teased, mocked by friends led me to recall my days in primary school. I could identify with him in someway, and I felt so led to share with him about my past experiences of rejection. As he teared while opening his heart to me, I felt really compelled to encourage him and I did. His current emotions of wanting to commit suicide, to give up with life, feeling rejected as he has no friends, being laughed for his height, having no self-confidence and all, made me realise how much support and love these kids really need. Sometimes, all they need is just a friend, a true friend who will listen. I told this little boy about how Jesus was likewise being rejected, mocked and laughed at and how He could still love them and forgive them. In fact, this was what my secondary school teacher told me when I was feeling rejected back then - and that became my turning point of my faith. I pray that this boy will continue to pursue the narrow path. Many people would go for the easy way, and few would go through the path that is persecuted but that's the right one and we know that it'll be worth it at the end of the day.

While speaking words of encouragement to this boy, I subconsciously reflected upon my own words. Despite being in a different circumstance as the boy, should I not also move by faith as I encourage him to? Going through a decision struggle and lamenting endlessly about my predicament is a very human thing to do and I wish I could stop myself from leaning on the tangibles to make myself feel secure. Faith is afterall, something unseen and unheard. Trusting Jesus may be the easiest thing I could say to this boy, but I also know how difficult it is to fully abide. The problems this boy is currently facing really crunches my heart. He's really one beautiful boy - with a heart of gold, and it's my prayer that he will see Jesus as his best friend.

And likewise, I should also see Jesus as my helper and guider and fully submit my worries unto Him.

Open my ears Lord, for your servant wants to listen.

I've been baptized! (:

2011-04-24T20:48:00.002+08:00

It's just so surreal to know that I've been baptized! Baptism - this has been lingering in my mind for perhaps 3 years now, and I've always been asking God for the right time. Finally, this Easter, with much prayer, dear and i decided that i'm ready for baptism and i went ahead with it. I'm filled with so much joy that I don't really know what to blog but just want to blog because it's such a special day for me and I want to remember the moment.

I've been looking forward to this Easter for a while, and still am very excited for the upcoming journey. I'm fully aware that a Christian's journey is definitely more than just baptism itself - it's a long long road ahead, and it'll definitely not be smooth-sailing. But I'm just swelling with joy as I know God is with me and I just feel so happy to be with God's family. The baptism process itself was really really fast, it was done before I know it! The water wasn't as cold as I expected, but it was definitely quite an experience to be immersed and pulled up with water filling my ears (haha!). When I came out of the water, I know I've been born again - just as Christ was resurrected. Hallelujah! Being baptized in Bethesda Frankel Estate Church was also a great joy to me as I'm finally a member! Since the day dear first brought me into BFEC, I already felt so welcomed with love. It felt like home. And I feel that's the way a church should be - a home for a family of believers.

What made my baptism so special is really, to have so many loved ones taking the effort and time to come and witness my baptism. The love that I've received today was really immeasurable and overflowing. Though I received A LOT of gifts (I really wasn't expecting to receive any presents! in fact, I didnt know it was "normal" to be receiving presents on baptism...cos it did feel like my birthday! haha! and i think i received a lot more presents than I would usually receive on my birthday lol), it really wasn't about the gifts. Sure, I'm extremely thankful for every single present I received, but it's really about the joy and love that they showered upon me. Seeing so many people whom I love showing their joy for me, in their own way, warms my heart a great deal. And I feel REALLY REALLY REALLY blessed to know each and everyone of them in my life.

I truly thank God for my earthly dad, who really took the effort to come for my baptism as he hasn't been feeling physically well for the past few days. He's suffering from some digestion problem lately, and needs to use the toilet frequently. Despite the inconvenience, he really wanted to come and witness my baptism for he knows it's a very special day for me. I really thank God so much for keeping my dad in good shape throughout the service. And the rest of my family too! My mum, to my surprise, did not question my decision about baptism. Instead, she supported me and not only came for my baptism, but also encouraged my auntie to come! Praise the Lord! I also thank God that my brother and his gf (who are not christians) came to witness too. My cousin, who just gave his heart to the Lord recently, came too with no hesitation. Thank God for my biological family and for dear's family too for giving me so much support and love.

And to my dear friends too (in no particular order) - my cell group, Uncle chung chi & Auntie Pooh Lii, Uncle Fritz and Auntie May (who sent their regards by sms from switzerland), Josephine, Jessica, Melissa, Yuting, Sandra, Andreas, Rahel, Guo Yi, Erlin, Jocelyn, Reynard etc etc. Thank you so much for showing me your support and being so happy for me in your own way. I don't know what else to say other than "Thank you!" with utmost sincerity.

To my better half, I'm so so happy that we're now members of the same church! And we will be officially serving in the same ministry together! I can't wait for this new journey ahead with you! (: Thank you for the lovely bible that you gave me...it's so sleek, and irresistable haha. We will have so much time to grow in the Word together! You've been ultra supportive to me, and I really appreciate every single thing of you! Though we each have our own iniquities, i'm just so glad to have God in our hearts - a common faith which we will hold on dearly to for eternity.

My baptism verse, specially chosen by me, dear and his parents, is really appropriate for a person with so much fear as me:

Isaiah 41:10 (NASB95)

"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

God, I want to walk my life with You in my hands. Take me, and use me.

2011-04-21T22:32:00.002+08:00

It is easy to receive.
It is hard to give. But,
It is even harder to give and not expect anything in return.

We all need to learn to love from Jesus, the only one who is capable of selfless love.

And I hate myself for always struggling to love selflessly because our human side is constantly seeking to be recognised and to be loved more in return. Beware as discontentment eats you up.

The Joseph Road

2011-04-21T19:08:00.002+08:00

I fell ill again. The last time I was germy was about a month back. The oh so familiar asthmatic cough, fever, phlegm and block nose is back to haunt me again. But I am thankful for the plenty of rest today; albeit a boring day, I had lots of time to watch a DVD, sleep and read a book.

I picked up a book in my room a few days back, titled "The Joseph Road" and found it captivating as I flipped through the pages. Through the years of reading the bible, I've gathered very little understanding of Joseph's life. This particular book, written by Jerry White, has opened up my eyes to see how Joseph endured all the struggles that he had to face, and more importantly, how he dealt with them. His God-fearing heart and faithfulness filled me with awe. His life was definitely torturous, but yet, he relied on God each and every circumstance he is in without any resentment towards God. Truly, we have so much, so much to learn from Joseph and his attitude is something we all should learn and follow. Some important pointers that we can strive for in our life:

1. We keep going. We don't quit. We draw deeply on our resources in God.
2. We keep doing what we must do. We remain faithful even when we find it hard to be motivated. We take one day at a time.
3. We work and live to the best of our ability with the gifts and skills God has given us. We don't become angry and dspondent. And we don't blame others.
4. Then we wait for God to act.

And God will act - in His own tme and way.

"It is possible that the scrupulously honest man may not grow rich as fast as the unscrupulous and dishones one; but success will be of a truer kind, earned without fraud or injustice. And even though a man should for a time be unsuccessful, still he must be honest; better to lose all and save character. For character is itself a fortune"

- Samuel Smiles-

Some place to write

2011-04-19T23:12:00.002+08:00

I need some place to write my thoughts down, guess it has to be here.

Been thinking a lot lately, everything from work, to about my best friend, to friends that have left, opportunities that have gone by.

Somehow, I have an awful feeling there's something very wrong with the world today.
Its not just simply a case of climate change, but something feels awfully wrong.
And I can't place it, but there seems to be a loss of order, a chaotic sense of things present.

Went back for FYP symposium just last sat, and it really reminded me of a lot of things.
Think it reminded me most of the "conflicted life" i had. It reminded me so much of rjc.

Now I know why people hate growing up.

Sigh, think I am a little bit depressed, and its just certain people in my life that make me happy everyday.

"Have you reconciled the thought in your head?"

No. Wish I did, thought I had, but No.

4 years of my life in SS, you don't think of all these. Come out into the world, and it blows up in your face. Don't blame me for being idealistic, but somehow, thats what "it" made me. The world is the exact opposite of idealistic. There's no such thing as perfection, but there's something known as condemnation.

Seriously. I need to learn to survive in the world today. It is eating me alive.
I have a whole mind full that is ready to go back to Switzerland and do something meaningful. Tuck, you definitely made me think too much. Environmental engineering in SG is just an escapist solution to the world out there.
Then again, I could be too blinded by the snowcapped peaks.

I really don't know, and really don't understand the world.
If God created zombies, we could be them. Life is meaningless at this point, at least for me.

Through my observations, days of a Singaporean are spent in the following ways:
1. Study
2. Eat as nice food as possible
3. Work
4. Earn Money (1C)
5. Try to Earn more Money (4 Other Cs)
6. Get attention, awards and accolades (3As)
7. Not much Sleep
8. Shop
9. Entertainment
10. Help Others via helping themselves.

I might sound angsty, I might sound dejected.
But I truly think I'm just insecure.
I feel just like 1 of 6 million people, or even 6 billion people.
God, I feel so small.

God, how do I ever get big for you?
We all spend life the same way........................
I'm not a zombie, not a robot.......................
I'm a person.

Salvation belongs to our God

2011-04-03T21:52:00.002+08:00

My heart is filled with utmost thanks and gratitude to hear that my cousin has recently started to attend church. I believed he has opened his heart to God and it's just so heartwarming to see how God is truly working in my family. For my Dad's side, only his 2nd sister and one of my dad's brother-in-law has yet to be saved. There's nonetheless a lot of work that needs to be done on my Mom's side. All will work out according to His will and in His timing. Trust that God will continue to hear our prayers and soften the hearts of those who have not yet believed. I feel really blessed to be able to witness how God has transformed my cousin so much. Just by interacting with him via email and hearing about him through my auntie, his life is undergoing such great transformation as the spirit of God lives within him. I've never ever shared with him anything personal in my life...but it's just amazing how I am starting to share with him about some of my interests and struggles. May God bless his heart and keep his faith. One good news to share: I have officially completed my baptism course and will be getting baptized this Easter in dear's church! I'm so excited and can't wait for this life-transforming moment! It's time to put my old self to death, and be alive in Christ :) I'm looking forward to having my parents, close friends and relatives to come and witness my baptism. It's a mere 2 weeks away and it'll truly be the most important day of my life. I've got a few prayer requests. I'm not sure who still reads this blog but I would welcome prayers anytime :) - Please pray that I will have the love for God's people; to be less judgemental and cynical; not to seek to be competitive but to have the best interests at heart for others. - To think less for myself, and be more selfless for Christ. - To curb any form of jealousy and/or enviousness. To truly be contented and thankful for whatever God has given me - not to continually seek for something better, but to accept what God has given me. - To fear the Lord and not let the wordly possessions of the world consume me. God, always remind me that I am nothing without you. It is through you, that all things are made possible.

hmmmm...

2011-03-30T22:09:00.002+08:00

Am back in singapore and feeling quite lost as usual. While I was hoping to get a mini retreat at pattaya to reflect over my life and to hear what God wants me to do, all I gathered was "Be patient, Be still and know that I am God. It will work out in My timing". I am seriously not sure if it came from my own head, but I want to believe that it's from God.

Yut, I totally understand your fear and stress with regards to stepping into the working world. I too, up to today, am not doing what I have interest in. I studied something I didn't really fancy, but I could still work my way through it. But...the joy? The satisfaction? I am not sure if it exists. Sure, I learnt and am learning a lot...and am thankful for many opportunities...but I know I don't want to do this for long. I have dreams..but it too, takes a lot of courage and sacrifice. I don't want to be rash and jump into the ocean. I pray God will guide and prepare me with open doors.

I have some dreams of mine since a long time ago, and I still hope it will come true one day. It is better to have dreamt than not to dream at all right? But perhaps, it's better to try living out your dreams, than not to try it at all.

May God show His light unto me.

Yut, you're not alone :). May God alleviate our fears and grant peace in our hearts.

Sa waa dhee ka!

2011-03-19T11:41:00.002+08:00

Greetings from Thailand! Sa bai dee mai ka (How are you)?

It's my 2nd work trip, and it's also my longest work trip thus far since I am based in Pattaya, Thailand for 2 weeks from 14th-26th March. Dear was here with me for a week but he has gone back to Singapore today, which explains why I am so free to blog now...rather than touring around. It's been a tiring one week here. Daily routine: wake up at 6am in the morning and reaching back to the hotel at 7+pm. The work here is physically straining too cos it involves me going into the refinery and climbing up (literally climbing up vertical monkey ladders without harness) columns and equipment to sketch piping. But I'm really thankful that the past week has been absolutely cooling in terms of weather - nice breeze with slight rain and no sweat. Afterwork would be dinner with dear and we had a good time walking down the streets of Pattaya last night and tasting a lot of local food.

I have absolutely no complains for the hotel cos I had a corner room with a balcony overlooking the beach, and a bathtub with the entire ocean view too. Buffet breakfast is complimentary and I am always satisfied with the wide spread of food. Prices are quite steep here though, compared to other places in Thailand like Chiangmai and Chiangrai..and there's nothing much to do here other than eating and going to the beach. Work wise - It has been rewarding because I finally got to see what a real plant looks like and it's quite cool when you get to translate paper work into real life. I've learnt alot, and it's also very fun working with my colleagues at the plant. It's quite scary though, especially when climbing because the columns are all very high up and we can't afford to injure ourselves in any way.

I have another week more to go..but this time, dear won't be with me. It's time to be independent and hopefully, I will get a nice retreat over this weekend with God. I need to really ask and hear from God what He wants me to do in my life.

Dear, I miss you very much...take care k :)

Here're some pictures for your viewing:

At a local foodplace opposite the hotel. The Tom Yam Gai was really goood and cheap.

Tasting the meat sticks. It was delicious. Aroy ka!

Me and my colleagues (yes, i'm the only girl) in our PPE (Personnel Protective Equipment) at the Refinery's admin building.

Sunset @ Pattaya Beach

The balcony of our hotel room - see the gorgeous view! I love enjoying the view everytime the curtains are drawn...

That's it for now..may the coming 1 week be smooth and safe. Can't wait to get back home.

Has technology lowered the value of human life?

2011-03-07T22:24:00.003+08:00

I chanced upon a softcopy version of a General Paper essay which I wrote during JC days and thought my ideas and writing style were rather interesting and amusing back then. Unless you're very free, there's no need to read this post. I'm simply just reminiscing the good old student days...

Technology has improved by leaps and bounds in the last century, so much so that one cannot help but stand in awe of the progress that led to these inventions. The advent of cutting-edge technologies have no doubt increased and enriched the sanctity and quality of human life. Yet, Science is both peril and promise, bane and blessing. Despite being accorded for its abilities to transform the world and bring about radical changes to man’s lives, one cannot put aside the fact that the backlash of technology can deteriorate man’s humanity, sanctity and ethics, thereby leading to a precipitous dip in the value of human life. In this light, technology has indeed enhanced the value of human life but one can never deny that technology is a double-edged sword.

Ever since medical technology, especially in the area of stem cell technology, was initiated, perennial debates sparked off as opponents of medical technology have claimed that the latter has been elevated to the role of God, thereby undermining the sanctity of human life. The controversy on the practice of stem cell research on the human race consists of greatly polarized opinions and the profound moral and ethical issues posed cannot be taken lightly. A case in point can be seen in scientists toying with the notion of human cloning, which has brought about a vehement protest from religious authorities and the humanitarian groups. Ethical controversy stems from the deliberate alteration of genes and mutation of cells to create an ideal clone. Christianity, Islam and Buddhism are against such research as embryos are killed in the process of manipulation of human life. Seen in this light, the breach of morality has indubitably infringed the sanctity of human life. Science appears to play God, thereby undermining morality and depreciating human life, causing the world to lapse into dilemma.

It is axiomatic that the abuse in technology has spurred moral degradation especially amongst teenagers today. One key criticism of the mass media is the increased violence and pornographic graphics, which may have undesirable effects on the impressionably and immature children and teenagers. The ubiquitous usage of the Internet has created an easy access to millions of pornographic and violent websites. Credulous teenagers will subconsciously accept these images as a norm due to the prevalent nature of these graphics in the IT realm, thereby learning about pre-marital sex and other adult activities the wrong way. The release of these graphics to the masses via the different modes of the mass media is widely unacceptable and is considered a taboo especially in conservative societies as these graphics will inevitably pollute the teenagers’ minds and subsequently cause them to imbibe erroneous values, thereby contributing to the deterioration of their psyche. This explains the unprecedented three-fold increase in juvenile crimes, such as premarital sex and fights in many developed countries. Moreover, the presence of chat lines in the IT world has become a playground for many innocent girls to become victims of the malicious Internet users. Hence, it is not at all a wonder that many societies are facing the pressing problem of moral degradation stemming from the detrimental influence of the mass media today.

Technology has no doubt been manipulated to invent deadly military weapons, causing a loss of humanity. Developments in technology were carried out for a sole cause of improving human welfare. Ironically, the production of nerve gases and bombs enables soldiers to torture and kill. The use of chemical weapons in contemporary warfare by zealous terrorist groups and draconian politician leaders has been exploited to the extent that these actions were viewed as ruthless and unscrupulous by the masses. A case in point can be seen in the holocaust during WWII, where six million Jews were demised using a gas chamber. Furthermore, in 1994, an ethnic genocide took place in Rwanda between the Hutus and the Tutsis, creating a magnificent upheaval. These happenings have indeed witnessed the loss of humanity, as large groups of people were killed innocently under the brutal hands of terrorist and political leaders. Undeniably, the developments of insidious technologies have allowed tyrants, dictators and terrorists to blackmail the world, thereby suppressing and causing a mammoth of people to die. Such a prevalent phenomenon has indeed showed how insignificant humanity is today.

Unprecedented breakthroughs in medical advancements have created remedies for incurable diseases, thereby enabling one to appreciate the sanctity of life. The invention of vaccines to cure fatal diseases such as tuberculosis and malaria has been hailed as one of the greatest scientific achievements in this era. A case in point can be seen in the creation of the anti-tetanus immunization and typhoid immunization which aims to combat and cure diseases caused by bacterial getting into wounds and infectious diseases which produce fever and diarrhoea respectively. Also, with precise medical procedures in place, patients will inexorably have a higher rate of success in operations and can lead normal lives. The myriad of newly invented drugs churned out can also help the sick and improve the plight of the poor. This can be witnessed in the aid given to HIV patients in Aids-inflicted country, Africa, through subsidized modern drugs. The revolutionary progress made by medical technology has no doubt allowed mankind to appreciate life at a deeper level, thereby increasing the sanctity of life. Unlike the past where death was prevalent due to the widespread infection of diseases, man can now experience a longer life span, thereby holding the sanctity of life in high esteem.

It is undeniable that many technological advancements serve as therapeutic and entertainment tools to enhance the quality of human life in today’s competitive and stressful world. In the medical arena, the production of facial cosmetics and dieting pills has whipped up a surge of interest especially amongst the females as appearance begins to take on a presiding influence on mankind in today’s contemporary world. Many societies apparently perceive thin women as pretty and mucho men as handsome. Such generalization often causes many women and men to pursuit dieting pills as their only source of hope, which can provide them with immeasurable amount of happiness. These pills provide a ray of hope for the obese who hitherto have to face societal discrimination, thus contributing to inferiority complex and low self esteem. Hence, by popping these pills into their bodies, the positive end result will inevitably improve their outward appearance, thereby boosting their confidence and enhancing their quality of life. The improved quality of life can also be attributed to IT, which served as a therapeutic tool. Melodious and harmonious music downloaded via the Internet undeniably help to relieve the stress prevalent among many people today, as lifestyles are competitive and hectic in many developed societies. No doubt, such music can allow one to relax his or her strained muscles and psyche after a tedious hard day of work. In this respect, one’s quality of life has been enhanced and taken on to a higher level. Thanks to technology.

In the light of the above discussion, technology is both a boon and a bane. Perhaps advocates of technology perceive the latter to have enriched the value of human life especially in terms of its quality, but one should not repudiate the fact that science cannot be compromised. Its backlash can spawn a cataclysm which no man can avoid and ignore its repercussions on the humanity, morality and sanctity of human life. Technology is a force not to be reckoned with as it wields extraordinary power, which can both enhance and depreciate the value of life in different aspects. The spurious claim that technology has one-sidedly improved or lowered the value of human life would thus be a sheer fallacy.

2011-02-17T23:48:00.002+08:00

For every broken heart in need of mending
For every lonely child, that needs befriending
For everytime the innocent, will ever need defending...
Thats why he came...

Thats why he came, for all the lost and lonely
Thats why he came, for all the questions,
only love explains,
so that when we need him, we can call upon His name..
Thats why he came...

Dear,

In times of trouble, and times of tribulations, when times are down, and times are dreary.
Read a little daily bread, pray a little prayer.

There is no mountain too high, he cannot climb it
There is no river too wild, he cannot calm it.

Trust in Him.

I know I've not been perfect, I know I've not been there at times
Sometimes, its about giving just a little bit more.
And I've not done that.
And maybe I should. And expect less of others

You're not alone darling, I'm with you.
And God with us.

We might just be small little fry in the ocean, but God knows we exist.
We might just be a couple struggling with life, but God lets us cherish it.
We might just find it hard going to sleep, but God waits for us.
We might just work too hard, but God allows it.
We might just be wrong, but we still go for it.
We might just be having blind faith, but God appreciates it.

Stay strong, For life is harder to live, than it is to have.
I appreciate you.

Of winding turns and cross roads...

2011-02-16T20:09:00.002+08:00

I haven't felt like this for some time. Feelings of depression and desperation are slowly suffocating me, and it is getting worse and worse each day. I really feel lost, confused and exasperated with myself right now. I am tired, having increasing difficulty to get to bed, and feel listless and moodless at work. It's terrible, and I really need some headlight from God.

While walking home from the MRT after work today, I had a talk with God. I really had to. I am desperate to hear from Him but I just find it so hard to silence myself. I have absolutely no clue where I am heading in my life. There are certain things that I think I would like and want to have in life, but it's really so hard to give up certain things and take the courage to go for it. And at the end of the day, I find myself going back to the same question, "What do I actually want to do with my life?". I kept repeating and emphasizing to God that I want everything to go according to His way..it doesn't matter if it's not going to be what I like. But, I want to know what His plans for me is. I know I am being demanding, but I really hate feeling lost and directionless. And slowly, I feel like I'm changing into being someone that I don't want to be. The ugly thoughts in my mind, the ugly feelings that evoke in me...it's terrible and I know it's from Satan. I have to get out of this and be who I want to be, someone that will shine God's love wherever I go. I am upset not just because I feel that life is suffocating at the present moment, but also because I am starting to hate myself.

God, show me some light, will you? If it's supposed to be another tunnel for me, please grant me strength and comfort.

2011-02-12T08:50:00.002+08:00

Its been a fast moving, and exhilirating week!
I'm amazed.

From all the rejections, spurned opportunities, and times when it seems I've made the wrong decisions....

God delivers. Its amazing. I had to wait for a long time though.

But I think it was all for the better. My expectations have been moderated, I feel less arrogant/proud and more ready to be a good worker! I've learnt a lot in my 7 months so far actually. I have had some great colleagues who have really done an amazing amount of things for me; even if its the simplest pieces of advice.

I feel a bit sad though....

But I know I am so blessed. God is good. Without him, this would never have been possible. Its nothing short of miraculous.

Now.. on with life. The christian life. Its important to show more love, and less of everything else. We always give, rather than take. We don't worry about the future, but always trust in him to provide.

50th Month

2011-02-06T10:00:00.000+08:00

Hi Hunny,

HAPPY 50TH MONTHSARY!!

We've been together for:

50 Months

1,500 Days

36,000 Hours

2,160,000 Minutes

129,600,000 Seconds

And I love every single moment of it all.

I love you.

(Photo Taken @ Universal Studios - 29/01/11)

God is Good.

2011-01-26T18:33:00.002+08:00

You know God cares when you feel like you're swept by the tides of the world and God speaks to your heart, "Come back to me, child. Remember me and walk in My path."

I am constantly in need to be a better person. Lord, make me become like you more and more each day. The last thing I would want us to lose sight of myself and get sucked into the wordly currents.

Work Experience

2011-01-21T20:29:00.003+08:00

Here's a short update about my work! Well, I am really thankful that my boss has recently been giving me much opportunities to learn and grow. About a month back, I was asked to give a technical presentation to the team as part of my learning process. Being so fresh, there's actually very little technical depth that I could offer to my fellow colleagues who are much more experienced than me. But, I took it as a good opportunity to hone my presentation skills and to be more confident in a corporate environment. Thank God that it went quite smoothly.

Just yesterday, I was also given the opportunity to accompany my colleague to ExxonMobil to help provide a training session for several process engineers so that they could learn how to use our software. It was a one-day affair but there was so much to learn. The turnout was 20 exxon's engineers, with a diversity of race, age and experience. I was quite surprised to see 3 of my fellow coursemates attending the training course as well. It was actually quite awkward for me as we're now standing in a different position - no longer as students, but me being a consultant, and my coursemates as engineers. Just by hearing my colleague present, I have already felt that there's still so much technical knowledge to grasp. Aside from that, I had also no choice but to facilitate the presentation and help the trainees whenever they encounter problems or have questions. I felt yesterday's training session was really useful in building up my confidence level. Overall, it was quite a pleasant experience and it was also my first trip to a refinery (from a distance of course).

In addition, I have another upcoming opportunity to Melaka to provide a 3-day training (together with my colleague of course) for another of our client, Petronas. That would be my first overseas worktrip, and I am sure it would be enriching. Hopefully, this trip would also help me to be more independent (since I've never travelled overseas without matt / close friends / my family before).

In short, I'm indeed thankful for all the learning opportunities God has provided me. Whilst I may not be entirely passionate about the technical aspects of my work, these opportunities do help me a great deal in terms of growth and maturity. My work experience has so far been good; not only because I get to learn much in a short span of time, but also because of my very nice colleagues and boss! :)

Boxes and Dust

2011-01-16T21:53:00.002+08:00

The entire weekend was spent shifting boxes after boxes and unpacking them. As some may already know, the ong family is in the process of moving to the east. Having been through just a weekend, I think I can safely say that I have underestimated the amount of sweat and muscles needed in house moving. I worked as hard as I could, tried to help out and be useful in as many ways as possible, and no where compared to the strong men in the ong family. One thing I can take back from this is that the time and hard work laboured have definitely strengthened family ties. God has granted them smooth delivery of furnitures and we thank God for that.

Well, the next few weeks will be filled with even more unpacking and cleaning! And I need to find time to also spring clean my own room before cny, provided I have any strength and time left.

Poor dear is suffering from severe allergy now...must be uncomfortable. Get well soon dear!

Dear Mable,

2011-01-10T17:55:00.002+08:00

While we are all truly glad to have you back with us once again after your 2 wks trip back home, words can't express how painful this trip must have been for you. 2 wks ago, you went home feeling excited, bringing along with you lots of gifts for your family. It has been at least 3 years since u last went home and 9 years since u started working for us. Those 2 weeks without u made all of us feel a little empty. Other than the inconvenience of having to do the household chores ourselves, we truly miss your smile, your presence. We were excited to have you back. In fact, we counted down to your arrival. When I saw you at the airport, I was happy. But my heart sank when you said it was quite a sad trip for you. It wasn't something I expected to come out of you.

You couldn't hold your tears when you revealed that you and your husband got separated because he had another woman and a 2 year old daughter. All these while, you have been helping him financially, saving up for your future. Who would have expected? You went home, in the hope of reuniting with him, but came back being single again. It must have been so painful, and this scar would stay with you for a very long time.

But what I want you to know is that God loves you. He hears and feels your pain. He understands your difficulty right now. And I've been praying that you would come to realise His presence and that His peace will heal your pain. Dearest mable, we love you and we hope you will be strong and not lose your will in life. God has an amazing plan for you. You have been a blessing and I want you to know how much our family has been blessed by you. Don't lose the faith okay?

Remember, what hurts you hurts God. You are his precious child.

Welcoming 2011

2011-01-05T18:28:00.002+08:00

The New Year has always been kinda a quiet affair for us since we are naturally not crowd-lovers. Nonetheless, it was well spent with my family. A pity dear's parents are out of town though. So NYE was spent having a lovely steamboat at home with my family. It was nice, warm, cosy and simple. Perhaps, it may seem nothing really special to some but it was definitely special to us.

While we were planning how to do our countdown at about 11pm-ish, I was surprised when dear came up to me and asked me to take out my bible. My dear boy prepared a list of reflection pointers for us to share our inner thoughts and to align ourselves for the new year. Truly, I didn't expect it and was very thankful for the effort he took to prepare it. We took turns to share about our individual walk with God in 2010 and discussed how we could work ourselves and with each other in improving our relationship with God. Essentially, we brainstormed on our new year resolutions, based on what we think wld be best for each other. I particularly don't think very much about new yea resolutions as I always thought itms just a spur of the moment thing and when time passes, we forget about them and move on. But, this time, I take on a diferent view. Having or rather making one, allows you to reflect about the past and I believe it's this reflection process that reminds us of our inadequacies, flaws and also God's goodness over the years. It's amazing how we looked back, and realised how much God has been providing and how He's always been there even though we might not realise it then.

Both of us were clear with what our new year resolutions had to be this year. We each have our own spiritual area of growth that needs to be worked on. For me, it would be to be more bold in Christ and for dear, it wld be to have more faith. We will try our best to constantly remind and encourage each other, and we pray that God will come alongside and provide us with the strength and grace to see us through and mould us into better persons.

Hello! MAD (Matt & Dav) is back!

2010-12-26T17:40:00.007+08:00

We have indeed taken a very long hiatus from blogging. Everytime I yearn to blog, there's somehow an intertia in me as there's so much to blog about but I somehow don't know where to start. Perhaps this post would stimulate me to revive this blog and post more frequent updates.

For the past few months, we have had a lot of things that were pretty much eventful in our lives. Some were just couple-activities that we occupied ourselves with; some were casual meet-ups with friends; but i think there were a few signficant ones that are probably worth mentioning a bit more.

Firstly, it would be my Dad's 60th Birthday. It was about a month back now and it took us approximately a month to plan. I wanted this birthday celebration to be really special - not because he's 60, but also, I wanted to do something to bond the family back together. Ever since I got together with Matt, and my brother together with Jen, somehow, we've lost much time spent together. Sure, we always try to make time for dinners and lunches together as a big family, but our conversations seemed to be very polite and cordial. Perhaps, my family has always been like that - conservative, somewhat traditional, and not so personal. It feels awkward to talk to my brother about personal things. Hence, I came up with the idea of a weekend family getaway at Changi Beach Club. It wasn't expensive, and surprisingly, we were also given a complimentary night stay. Dear came up with an awesome idea of a family jersey. We sourced around for the cheapest shop, and had a good deal for a plain adidas jersey with each of our names printed on it for only $20 per person. With my persistent encouragement, our family of 4 wore our jerseys to CBC. It has been almost 10+ years since we stayed there, and the rooms have pretty much changed quite a bit. We filled our weekend stay with plenty of activities for our family to be involved in - swimming, pool, bowling, badminton, table tennis, mahjong, morning boardwalk. I could tell that all of us enjoyed ourselves thoroughly - especially my Dad since I've never seen him smiled so widely before. God was gracious, as He granted us safety and a wonderful weather during our stay. But I guess the most effort spent in his birthday present was a 15 min video made by me and dear, filled with pictures of his entire life thus far. It was so troublesome digging out his oldest brownish-black & white photos, and having to take out a photo each from every single family holiday we have had over the years. Thanks to my cousins & aunties, I also managed to get short video clips from them of their personal birthday speeches to my Dad. It's really touching to see all the effort spent by his loved ones in making his birthday a really special one. Especially the video clip from his sister's family all the way from Canada. There was just so so much love. We watched the video on his actual birthday after a very expensive Japanese Teppanyaki meal at Pac Pacific Hotel, and he was very very moved. All in all, I think he had a very memorable birthday and we thank God for blessing us with such a wonderful earthly father.

Secondly, it would be our 4th year anniversary. Time flies, eh? I could still clearly recall how we met and first got together with you, dear. We talked and reminiscise all that we've been through together over the years, and had a good laugh over the silly things we've done and said to each other. God has blessed us both and these 4 years have been more than beautiful. May God continue to bless us with never-ending years of love, till death do us part and we shall reunite in heaven.

Third would be my 23rd birthday. It was the first birthday as a working adult, and it did feel somewhat different. As dear and I are actively saving up money for our future, we've agreed on not spending money for our birthday presents. Hence, he made me a very sweet birthday video, capturing memories of the times we've had, and he even video-ed his workplace as I've been wanting to see how his work desk looks like haha! Thank you for the very amazing video...and the computer quizes I had to play and guess before I could view the video. That was very creative dear. Thank you also to my beloved jess and guitar dearies for the presents and time forked out to celebrate with me. Also, not forgetting my family for the japanese dinner. I'm truly very thankful!

Fourthly, both dear and I have reached another milestone - dear has finally gotten the green light to meet my grandma after 4 years. Strange, you might think. Well, my grandma is very traditional, so much so that she always tells my mom that I should only get a bf when I start working. It has been 6 months since I've started working, and it seems to be a pretty reasonable time to finally introduce my other half to her. That first-meeting was cute and interesting. Both dear and i have been waiting for this moment for quite a long time..and it caught us by surprise when the time has finally arrived. In short, i think my grandma likes him and there's no need to play hide-and-seek anymore. Hooray!

The fifth one is perhaps the most significant milestone ever - but that, we will keep it in suspense for the time being. For those who are thinking about wedding bells - No lah! Not so soon! When the time is right, it shall be revealed.

Next in-line would be our graduation (which I think i blogged before but there wasn't any picture posted as far as I remember) and all the wonderful gatherings we've had over the past few months - birthdays meet up with jess (the grill we had still makes me salivate whenever I think about it), k-box with guitar dearies, catching up with gy, erlin, crystal, birthday celebration by my colleagues in the office and the recent xmas gathering with the guitarians at my place. That probably sums up my social life in short during this period haha.

The other not-so-significant events would be the very talented pet bird "Sunday" I had for a month and my cooking / baking attempts! I didn't extensively baked / cooked but since it's my hobby, whenever I have the zest / inspiration / time / money, I will try to whip something out. Because I like to do it from scratch, sometimes it just doesn't work out the way I wanted it to be. So, they are not perfect but as the saying goes, practise makes perfect!

Sunday - the very beautiful and talented (as you can see from her different moves) love bird. She was found and "saved" on 16 Oct 2010 and was released back to the wild exactly a month later.

Mango Pudding & Konyaku Jelly

Cranberry & Oatmeal cookies

Self-marinated pork chop + mashed potato + vegetable salad in apple cider vinegar dressing

the "guinea pig" boy (lucky or unlucky) who always gets the "privilege" to taste the food i cooked first-hand haha

the omu rice which was an uber-fail. It became fried rice wrapped in an omelette! haha. But well, i think it was due to the pan-size and me trying to stuff too much rice in it.

vegetable soup which tasted just right for me. :) i absolutely love the taste but i think it turned out a little too oily cos of the chicken bone

Cottage pie for the guitar dearies on our xmas celebration night. I think the picture looks nicer than it tastes haha. (Photo credits: Yuting)

Blessed christmas and new year everyone! Without Christ, what would our world be like? Perhaps it will be a world entirely void of love. Let us, then, thank God for His love for without Him, there would be no us.

p.s./ Hope my OTHER-HALF will be more encouraged to blog now since I've made the first move to revive it!

2010-10-02T23:24:00.002+08:00

Wow, i know so many of my friends stopped reading my blog already....
But, its a big day today. Big pieces of information, and big big situations.

I feel like sleeping now, because its all so unreal.

"But if life might face a tragedy, a tragedy might save a life."

I feel like taking leave on Monday, on Tuesday, on Wednesday, and so on....
Things have changed, and;

I really need time to take it all in. I really need time to think about what I should do.

I was right. But God was even more right.
Things are never in our control. And even in the midst of these circumstances, I can only rely on Him.

Wow. I'm amazed.
How will this change me...?
I'm shocked, surprised, and I'm really thinking to myself now....

"Rise and rise again, before lambs become lions..."?

"If you really knew me"

2010-09-25T07:57:00.003+08:00

I woke up today... and just happened to catch an episode of Oprah.
Today's episode was really amazing because it went up front and personal with obese teenagers, and their parents.

And it was amazing to see them play such a simple game, with such shocking results.
It was called "IF you ever knew me...", and it evoked such powerful responses...
I was so taken aback by it... It was a real, emotional moment.

Taking me back to maybe about 6 years ago, things have definitely changed tremendously for me.
And I would say now: if you really knew me, you would see the reality in my life.

At this point in my life, when you look at all the different people around. Everyone is strong, everyone is confident, everyone is so assured, and seem so void of problems. Even when problems arise, it is but a fleeting moment.

But some things never go away. Some problems always remain. I always wondered how people got over their problems. I believe I never got over mine. Maybe I'm lucky because people (and God) have actually come along and helped me through it.; and continue to help me cope with it.

And, watching these obese teens really reminded me of myself. How, just because they are fat, life can be a living hell for them. But yet, these are the people that no one care about, people make fun of, people look at differently; because in society, its always the good lookers and the "sexy" who always command the attention. And people like them just remain in the shadows all the time. People just don't understand them.
But, it really sucks being fat. Just the thought alone is enough to prevent me from getting fat, each and everyday. Thats how bad it is. But, not every fat person can get thin.

Even as I look at Oprah talking about these problems, it seems apparent even she does not really understand. How can you pull a straight face seeing all this unfold in front of her? And even some of their parents, they still look at it so logically; when something like this has nothing to do with logic. Its not about conditioning yourself to tell a fat person you love him/her. But. perhaps its simply above love.... its simply above love.

That said, I definitely think I was a better and nicer person when I was fat.

Because, I saw things from the depths of one's life; and then you begin to really understand.

I saw so many "real" cries today. I saw many heartwrenching moments. I saw the remnants of man's selfishness.

In another exercise...
"I'm angry that i make fun of myself"
"I'm angry that everyone teases me at school"
"I'm angry that I think about suicide"
"I'm angry that I get called a hippo"
"I'm angry I rather be dead than be overweight"

These problems didn't come from simple lack of self-control.
It truly came from other problems - from divorced parents, from a sister, from a mum with a brain tumour, from a stepfather who didn't love her. And to me, it just simply showed that these people truly lived real lives, that they were truly affected by what happened around them.

I cherish the real.... I cherish the real problems, cos we learn and grow so much from it... I cherish these real experiences, because they are the one we remember... I cherish the real people, because thats what make living this life a real one.

All that goes on with materialism and success in our society today. Is really crap when you see these people. I can't just be contented now. The blessings definitely need to be shared.

Hello blogspot!

2010-09-12T16:41:00.002+08:00

Wow, it's been 2 months since we last blogged! It certainly didn't seem that long to us. We're now into our 3rd month of working life and things have been good and bad. On my side, there have been some ups and downs at work, but I think all is well for now. And one thing that I want, is to surrender all my plans, hopes and ambitions to God. Only He can determine my future. We've both been very blessed to be able to meet up with many different groups of people for the past few months. Although, I have been staying back a lot more frequently at work than matt, we are still trying very hard to balance our time and meet up our dear friends as frequent as we can.

In many little ways, our lifestyle and perceptions are slowly changing. Now that work takes up so much of our time, we're trying our very best to adjust lifestyle so that we can spend enough time for ourselves, for our friends, and for our families. Realising how little exercise we've been getting as compared to the times when we were students, we've been trying to make an effort to do some running. Home-cooked food is something that I would try not to miss, so no matter how late work ends, I will still want to get home for dinner. Working has truly been a very humbling experience. Our perceptions on money and people has become broader. I once used to focus more on the part of the verse "be as gentle as a dove" more than "be wary as a serpent". But lately, I realised that i've to emphasize on both. But it is truly very difficult for the human heart to be wary and yet gentle..for when we're wary, we try our very best to be distant and be cold towards someone. Yet, we all know how important it is to love all creations of God, no matter how unlovable someone may seem to be. Having entered into the working world has opened up my eyes and my view on many things. There's still so much to learn, but we'll both take it step-by-step and trust that God will guide our moves.

In short, it's been a tiring journey (especially for me lately), but we're truly contented with life, and with each other.

Wrapped ham with baby asparagus, Garlic Bread, Chunky Chicken and Wild Game Soup

2010-07-17T21:04:00.002+08:00

Another week has passed. Work has been alright, but one thing that I've finally come to understand...is how the currents of the world can so easily sweep us off our feet. Perhaps because I am always so easily influenced, I constantly feel the desire to fit in with the team. Sometimes, I really wonder who I am, and why I always find it so hard to just be myself. Maybe it's a sociological issue? But today was a really good reminder to me. Dear and I had a tiff over something in the morning, and that woke me up a little. The weather after rain today was soothing, and the 15 minutes walk back home allowed me to have a good time talking to God. He reminded me of His plan, of His purpose in creating me, and how He is in control; if only I allow myself to trust Him. It was a big burden lifted off my chest after having a good talk with God - something which I needed all these while. I've been an awful christian, filled with so much pride and selfishness. I want to return back to God and truly be a good christian everywhere I go - not just with friends, but also with my loved ones, colleagues and bosses, and even to people whom I don't know. They are all God's people whom I am taught to love just as He has loved us. We love because He first loved us. It's a tough road, but I am assured that it will be worth it at the end of the day :) Though we had some disagreements along the way, we've kinda communicated it out, and we believe these downs will strenghthen us and bring us through the road ahead. To make relationships work out requires a whole lifetime of learning and growing. May God continue to grant us teachable hearts.

On a lighter note, since it's Saturday, I got the chance to whip a meal again! Sometimes, it seems like i'm turning this blog into a food blog ya haha. Cooking is something which I really enjoy - not that I am good at it, but I just enjoy experimenting new dishes. Today's dinner is really simple...but I am happy as long as the person eating brings him / her warmth.

So, the menu! My cousin brought back cans of wild game soup from UK. It's supposedly a premium venicent (deer's meat) soup. But, since there's no ingredients inside, I just simply threw in carrots, onions, mushrooms, corn and chunky chicken which I did a simple marination with salt and pepper.
Realising that I have a packet of honey baked ham at home, I decided to do wrapped ham with baby asparagus, coated with maple syrup. Turned out quite nice but I think i kinda burnt the ham as you can see from the charred meat.

To accompany the soup and as requested from the boy, here's garlic bread! Wholemeal bread is the only bread my family eats...so I just have to use that...garlic bread is really easy! just butter / olive oil with pounded garlic and some herbs.

So that's dinner for today! Next few weeks are gonna be quite busy for us, so it will probably take a while before I get to cook again (:

Hope you like the simple dinner!

New Dish: Kebab with Aglio Olio!

2010-07-04T19:28:00.003+08:00

I've officially worked for a week now, and matt has worked for 2 days! It has been an exciting week for us both, and we're both very happy with our jobs on the whole. Colleagues have been more than nice on both sides, and the working environment can't be better. We're truly grateful to God and we hope that we can fulfill the calling God has given us in our workplaces. There's definitely a lot to learn each day. Sometimes, I feel really lost but i guess it takes time to learn. Hopefully, both of us will be able to learn the ropes well and enjoy our work.

So, this is our very first weekend being officially employed. I've heard from many working people about how precious weekends are when work commences. We had a lot of sleep and rest which makes me feel like a lazy bag of bones. I initiated to cook dinner for dear yesterday night, and after some thinking, I decided to try making kebab with Aligo Olio using Angel Hair pasta. I googled 'kebab' a little and found some recipes using orange juice to marinate. Having a packet of orange juice at home, I decided to go ahead and experiment. Did my own combination of ingredients like lemon, honey, soy sauce, garlic etc, which was the fun part. However, I don't have a grill back home so i simply just used an oven. It didn't turn out brown and a little charred which was what i expected, but the chicken was cooked just nicely and the flavour was tangy and nice. But i think the flavour can be a little bit more intense...maybe i should add sweetened orange juice instead cos i used an unsweetened one haha. Aglio Olio turned out okay...but no where close to dear's standard! He cooks really good aglio olio! A weird combination i know, but we had a bowl of fish soup supplemented by my maid haha. It was a nice, homely dinner!

We're both looking forward to our 2nd week of work! This coming tuesday will be special cos it'll be a double celebration - our commencement + our 42th monthsary! Because we're both in different courses, it's really a real blessing to have both our convocation ceremony on the same day, same time, same venue! We'll be 2 rows apart! (: And on that day itself, we'll be having dinner together with both our families. It has never really happened before, so it's gonna be exciting!

Pictures of the foooood....

Embracing Transitions...

2010-06-27T21:16:00.002+08:00

This blog of ours has been silent for a while now. We've gone and came back from our 3-weeks long graduation trip and although the trip has its ups and downs, it was a very fruitful and meaningful one. Truly, we have to thank God for keeping all of us safe. Thanks to all who kept us in prayers. Personally, I truly appreciated the rare opportunity to stay in KhaoSok Rainforest. Those days were truly back to basics, and I love being immersed in the natural form of the rainforest. Hearing the cacophony of insects and wildlife, the smells and humidity, the natural terrain...it's just so so beautiful. Of course, the tradeoff for this enjoyment would be the insects and bugs, but having seen God's natural creation makes the experience totally worth it. The next highlight would perhaps be in Chiang Rai's Akha Outreach Foundation - where Guo Yi has been serving the past several years. Life there is simple, but not as simple as I thought. It was, to my surprise, very self-sufficient and the children are quite well provided for. But God really gave me a heart for these children. Though we were too unprepared to really do anything other than painting a wall which was physically tedious, I had very memorable experiences with some of the children there. They may be brief encounters, but i love how the little ones there are so pure in heart and innocent. I can never forget the hugs they would run to give me, how Sparrow would always hold my hand to sing for me, Supanee who would hug my waist and lie on my lap, nong pooh whom i piggied-back on my very first day there, Areeya who coloured a drawing and gave to me....Truly, these children are the reason why I'm still feeling nostalgic even though a week has passed since I returned. In short, I'm very thankful for God's blessings throughout the entire trip :)

As titled in this blogpost, both of us are currently in the midst of coping with transitions. I will officially be starting work tomorrow, while dear will be starting on thursday. It will be an exciting time for us, not just in learning new ropes, but also a time of getting to know our colleagues and there will also be some learning on our relationship as well. Thank you, dear, for spending the past week with me, always asking what I would like to do. It has been a very rewarding week, and I am truly thankful for the afternoon we spent just talking on sharing our fears, goals, and how we would work together towards our future. Such conversations, I believe, are very important in honing the foundation of a relationship. Thank you for the time that you gave me dear.

Do continue to keep us in prayers. While it's scary at the thought of having new responsibilities, taking charge of my own finances etc etc, we'll choose to embrace these transitions and trust God in His plan. We believe that we're both called to our workplaces, and we both hope to fulfill the calling God has kindly blessed us with.

Finally, I will soon start to understand how Monday Blues feel and truly treasure weekends.

Grad Trip!

2010-05-29T15:43:00.002+08:00

Our long awaited graduation trip has finally arrived and I am having mixed feelings. On one hand, I've been looking forward to the trip ever since we started talking about it but on the other hand, I am a ltitle worried of the following:

1. the SUPER HOT weather
2. safety in Thailand...(which might cause us to re-route back to sinagpore if unsafe)
3. leech attacks in Phuket rainforest
4. bugs Bugs BUGS!!!! (please don't let find me and please don't let me see you)
5. hygience conditions in thailand (esp phuket and chiangrai)

and lastly...

6. the fact that i'm going for grad trip means my holidays are ending and the next chapter of my life is going to commence really really soon.... free and easy days sure pass by so quickly...

On a happier note, I really am looking forward to spending the time with the group, and of course, my other half. It's our 4th overseas trip together (if you exclude all the trips we went during exchange) and I hope it will bring us both good memories. Other than friendship bonding, it's my heart's desire for us to really encounter God during the trip and grow closer to Him.

Please do keep all of us in prayers, especially for safety and health, and for God to lay aside my many worries.

*30th May - 18th June*

Penang, KhaoSok Rainforest (Phuket), Chiangmai, Chiangrai

Dying to self before you die

2010-05-26T21:41:00.003+08:00

I get myself slightly nervous everytime someone asks me to share my testimony. Although I've been a Christian for approximately 8 years now, I sometimes still wonder why is it difficult for me to share my love for Christ after all that He has done for me? Do I not recognise His purpose in my life?

As a matter of fact, my becoming of a Christian did not happen over a particular instant / occassion / sunday service but rather, it was over a long blurry process. But it's an absolute truth that I stepped into church myself and this, I know, is not so common. Every time I share my testimony, I would mention that it was this particular secondary geography teacher of mine who made me decide to step into a church. It is not completely false because during a period when I felt rejected back then, this teacher of mine was there to comfort and to tell me how Jesus was rejected and spat at; but still love God's people all the same. "What great love!", I often thought to myself. But not many people knew how bad a person I was back then, perhaps other than the ones I have hurt. I was a very competitive individual back in secondary school, often using people as a benchmark for my personal motivation to achieve top grades. I did achieve wonderful academic grades but, at a cost. My competitiveness was subtle and silent, but it made people around me and including myself, very jealous and manipulative. Despite my ugly heart, God still provided me with fantastic results, but it definitely did not make me feel as happy as I ought to be.

Now, as I look back, I believe it was my aimless pursuit that led me to feel empty and it was this emptiness that drew me to God. Perhaps on the surface, I wanted to know this God so that I could ask for His continued blessings to obtain good grades but now, I've come to realise that it must have been this surge of underlying emptiness that led me to Him.

Dear was just telling me several days ago how blessed I really am because God seems to always answer my prayers. It was that conversation that made me re-think of my testimony and made me once again, be aware of how God has truly worked in my life - to every finest detail. Time and time again, I have been oblivious of His work in my life. How could I ever be so blinded? Yet, this wonderful almighty God still loves me so much that He never once gave up on me. It must have been so painful everytime I fail to realise how much He has done for me. Please forgive me, Lord.

The world will continue to revolve and spin. Days will continue to pass by. Cars will continue to zoom past. People will continue to come and go. But, we should really take a step back from our selfish goals and pleasures for they are nothing, but an aimless pursuit that will only leave you feeling empty at the end of the day. "To live is Christ and to die is gain" - Truly, we need to die to self and only then, can God come to fill our empty hearts and quench our thirst. A beautiful poem, titled "No Chance", says it so aptly,

Our time is but a season,
Like a simple wisp of breath.
So look quick to find life’s reason
’Fore your eyes are closed in death.
Seek the Lord of earth and sky,
With the faithful take your stance.
Die to self before you die,
After death you’ll have no chance.

Knowing Jesus has been the most beautiful encounter I can ever have in this life of mine. It has been a tough road, and may perhaps be tougher than those who have not come to know Him. But, this personal relationship with our Creator is priceless and leaves no regrets. Though He did not promise us a life of wordly success and warned us to expect much persecution ahead, it is definitely still worth the sacrifice. There is really no greater thing than the love of Christ.

Now, I will no longer shudder at the thought of having to share my testimony to anyone. I will go forth with full confidence, knowing that I have Christ in me.

2010-05-26T00:24:00.002+08:00

Matthias' plan for this week.

Wed: Bank Stuff + Movie
Thurs: Medical! + Cell Dinner
Friday: Outing! Mexican FOOD?
Saturday: Packing
Sunday: TRIP

i wish i didn't have to go to such lengths (the medical) though!
But, at least, its a one-off.

More Food! Yummms

2010-05-22T20:29:00.003+08:00

What a better way to spend a Saturday than to bake and cook! (: After spending 11-hours in slumberland, I woke up feeling like a lazy bag of bones. I was so nua the entire day, and dear didn't want to go Vivo which we planned earlier. So, it became our rest day and I was desperately trying to force myself to get out of bed.

Finally, I decided to surf the net and look for nice recipes. For the past 2 days, I have been telling myself that I want to bake Fruit Tarts next because it's another of my favourites! I loovveee fruit tarts a lot. And since my entire family would not be around for dinner, I thought to myself, why not settle my own dinner too? After all, it's been a while since I last cooked. Hence, I settled on these two recipes from the net - Fruit Tarts & Chicken Stroganoff.

But because I decided to save some money and scrimp on some ingredients, I didn't follow the recipes rigidly. Anyway, it's nice to alter recipes and take a risk sometimes :)

Fruit Tarts

You may be wondering...why the weird combination of fruits, Dragon fruit & Pineapple?! Well, i didn't want to spend any money buying fruits just to make my tarts since i wasn't confident enough that it would turn out nice. So, I looked around my kitchen and decided that these are the only two fruits that I could use. Anyway, the colour combination turned out pretty, no? :)

Although a little huge in size, i guess it turned out not bad. But I think I could do with thinner crust and put less of cream cheese in the filling cos i personally found it a little rich. Not too bad for a start! :)

After an afternoon of baking, it was time for dinner!

Chicken Stroganoff (Served with Fetuccini)

I must say (although a little paiseh), that i really enjoyed my dinner! It was sooo yummy! But I think i should have bought some mustard, which was an ingredient listed in the recipe. I wanna cook this again, but perhaps using beef instead (:

Really happy that an initially unproductive nua saturday turned out to be productive and fun-filled!

On a side note, I hope i can lose off all the calories with a run tomorrow...

All time favourites (:

2010-05-19T18:43:00.005+08:00

Throughout the years, here's one thing that I've never got sick of - Agar Agar. With the time in my hands lately, I had the urge to make some agar-agar for my family and cell group. So, here're the products.

The first batch is pandan flavoured and the second batch is grape flavoured. Notice the 2nd layer with coconut milk? That's always my favourite part of the agar-agar. Of course, i cannot resist not putting nata de coco in there too.

Just today, dear and i decided to make another of our all time favourites - Chocolate Chip & Walnut Cookies! So, we headed down to cold storage, got our necessary ingredients and made the cookies from scratch. Pre-mix cookie dough is too cheapo. Getting our hands dirtied is more than fun :)

The cookie dough: (i know it looks a bit errrr....)

Before:

After:

Ta-dah! Yumm yumm...it does taste good and smells really fragrant. But i find it a bit too sweet and too chocolatey for my liking.

Anyway, we didn't know how much we were making until we really started bringing them to the oven. We got a little shock when we saw how many cookies we made! Thank goodness they turned out pretty nice and edible of course. Otherwise, it'll be such a waste!

All packed and ready to share the love (:
So these are my little bundles of joy lately. Agar-agar and cookies are two of my all time favourites and they are really really simple to make. Having started out with simple recipes, I want to go on to making more challenging stuff like strawberry jello cheesecake. But, I would only do it when I really have the urge. Otherwise, it'll just be all talk but no action haha. Other foodies that I itch to try are: glutinous rice wrapped in banana leaf, ngor hiang, hand-made tang yuan (which we'll be doing with jess next week!) and bobo cha cha.

But sigh, these urges of mine aren't really working alongside with my weight-losing plan!

Mama, Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-08T22:18:00.001+08:00

To my dearest mama, hope you like the card i personally made! (: Thank you for being so wonderful, always sacrificing yourself for the family and always giving us the best!

Hehe, if you all want nice pictures like these too, click here and enjoy playing with the photo editting applications! :) easy to use!

Thank God for each and everyone of you (:

2010-05-08T16:05:00.000+08:00

Oriental cookouts!

2010-05-08T14:56:00.003+08:00

*click to enlarge

Finally! ORD!

2010-05-07T23:10:00.003+08:00

Today was dear's FYP presentation day, and it also marks the end of his undergraduate education in NUS. Mine ended much earlier, but it's nice to know that both of us are officially no longer students. So, we had a mini celebration at Shio Teppan, a somewhat similar to Pepper Lunch japanese restaurant at Ion Orchard. Though, it was a simple affair, we had a good time.

Btw, yesterday was also our 41st monthsary! (:

His FYP presentation:

Her FYP presentation:

Our little dinner (with some editting):

A love-hate relationship with driving

2010-04-30T21:48:00.002+08:00

Ever since i've gotten my license, i have driven quite a few times east-west already. And i must say, it's really not easy :( I got myself all so excited after i passed my driving test, but when i started to drive the road, it was really scary.

It's not that I can't drive properly, but i really freak out when cars horn at me. The first time i was horned was when I was supposed to turn right, but i was waiting for the green arrow filter ot come on first...the caucassian driver behind me horned so loud i almost jumped out of the seat. Singaporean drivers...really impatient huh? :( And the rest of the horns mostly came from parking...because i took immensely long to park, and because there are cars waiting for me to park...i always panick and got myself all worked out such that my alignment of the car will always be off, and i'll get myself all confused whether i should turn right, turn left, return the car, make the car straight blah blah blah.

I just can't park! :( And because my other half wants me to learn parking properly and independently, he refused to tell me how to park even if there were cars busy horning at me! That got me all flustered and helpless. And i always end up parking very badly. I even knocked down a cone today and it's terribly demoralising.

I always tell myself that it's alright, because I only passed my driving 1 week ago. It should be reasonable that I would take some time to be accustomed to singapore's roads and road drivers, and learn how to park with a different car without using kerbs like how i was taught in the school, right?

But, perhaps, deep down, it's just an excuse...

Driving isn't that fun afterall. Was it supposed to be fun, anyway?

Problems

2010-04-25T20:41:00.002+08:00

During sunday school lesson today, the children were given handouts filled with questions for them to answer. Very rarely were they given worksheets to do during a combined teaching session. So, when the papers were handed out, most of them gasped and exclaimed "Oh no...are they problem sums?!" I have to admit that the handouts really looked like problem sums with just a few sentences, no diagrams, and a lot of space between each question.

Then, one of them made this comment,

"Why do we have to do problems? Aren't there enough problems in this world already?!"

Hahaha. Intelligent comment isn't it?

Mind you, he's just a primary 4 boy.

A very disproportionate (but cute) doodle

2010-04-23T23:33:00.001+08:00

I'm a certified driver now :)

2010-04-21T11:46:00.003+08:00

I am truly very thankful for having to pass my driving test. I was feeling rather nervous before my warm up, and just kept thinking of all the trouble and time i had to go through should i fail. Thank God for His grace and blessings.

I must say, I am really very thankful for my driving instructor. He's really very very nice, and i fixed him for all my revision lessons. We would talk to each other on countless of random topics while i drive...and that definitely made the driving lessons much more enjoyable. Of course, there were times he was pretty strict and got me so worried of my driving skills. But on the whole, he was encouraging and i really enjoyed his coaching. I was just telling God, on the day of my test, that it would be great if i could pass because I've bought a christian book "The purpose driven life" for him to read and so, the faster i pass, the faster he can learn to know more about God. I hope he reads it though :)

And a very big thankyou to all my friends too, esp Jess who always believed i could do it. It meant so much, and I was really glad i could end off that day having a nice meal with you.

And to you, my dear. I truly couldn't have pass without having you by my side. The many times you took time to drive me down to the driving school...and patiently waited for me for the entire 2 hours without having anything to do. It must have been boring, but you never once complained. You were there to give me advice and knew how to deal with me. You made sure that i wasn't too overconfident or too overly-worried. That must have been tough on you, especially with my constant whines and anxieties. On the day of my test, you were there to see me off before my test, and when i hopped out of the car after my test, you were right there before my very own eyes :). That made me very very happy. Throughout my test, you sat patiently for 50 minutes, and prayed endlessly and sang songs to God. God heard your prayers, and must have been touched with them. When we both found out that I passed, you immediately gave me a big, tight, warm hug and said "Congratulations darling, I knew you would pass" with a big glow and smile on your face. You were proud and happy of me, and that made me soo happy. Not only that, you went straight ahead to buy the P-plate for me and upon knowing that Joel Swee (our senior) was also there and passed his driving, you went to buy another one for him. Your generosity touched my heart. What can i do without you? I really don't know. And immediately after i collected my temporary license, you did not hesitate and encouraged me to drive your car. Your confidence in me means a lot to me, dear. Thank you for every single thing. I love you.

So far, with him by my side, I've successfuly driven from my house to the airport, from bukit timah to vivo city and parked in the carpark, and drove back home via ECP from PGP (NUS) at night. There's still a lot more room to improve on, and a lot more confidence to build up...With God's grace, i hope one day i'll be able to drive by myself safely and confidently.

Anyhow, here're some pictures we took after the results were revealed.

Me with the P-plate dear bought, and my test results...16 points haha.

Thanks for being there for me, through it all :)

Yay! i've graduated!

Hehe, my crumpled temporary driving license.

The place where i often had to queue to get things fixed

Praise be to God!

Jesus loves the little children...

2010-04-18T12:07:00.005+08:00

Certainly, there are no orphans of God.
Here's some snapshots taken during JSS Camp & Easter Sunday event (which took place quite a while back...)

Easter Eggies :)

Re-enacting the Last Supper and the washing of disciples' feet

Dear giving the lesson on Easter Sunday to the P4s

JSS Camp'10

The air-conditioned bunk for the kiddies...they really enjoyed themselves hopping around from bed to bed and their mid-night parties haha.

Here's cute little Renee, responding to Christ!

Dear, praying for Christopher

Me, praying for Grace. We were supposed to place oil on their foreheads and pray with them

Jordan the Great haha! He's really cute and michievious. We were making the Armour of God.

So...here's dear's design for his group! Very pro right.. haha. Clement was the model..
Here's his team!

And here's my team!

Group Photo!

Camp Theme Verse:

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

-2 Tim 1:7-

2010-04-17T19:12:00.002+08:00

Hmmm!!! Its finally drawing to an end... the entire 4 years in NUS.
And, so much has happened.
But, You look back, and well, nothing really comes to mind....
Thats life in the fast lane, so fast, so quick, so unmemorable.

Maybe its because I saw it coming, and was more than prepared for everything that occurred.

Anyway, well....
Thank God.

I'm still living life looking forward to the end. Still waiting for it to come.
Preparing myself and people around me for it as much as I have the influence to.

You can't plan for everything though, and some things need more prayer.

I'm kinda looking forward to working. I guess, its because studying bores me, the results too meaningless to make a difference. Its just not worthwhile doing things for yourself.
A job perhaps, you could argue you're doing it for God, or well, even for others.

Even as we work, I really wonder where I am going to end up, who am I going to end up working with, how far am I going to go, etc.

Sometimes, you're just unsure where the best place is for you.
Sometimes, you just have to leave it to God.

At this very moment, its really entirely out of your hands.
Anything can happen, the company might lose your resume, they might just simply not like a single sentence you put down on your resume, etc.
So well, the best place is the place God puts me.

Its not the one with the best career track.
Its not the one that pays the best.
Its not the one that has the least barriers.

I think, my mindset has really changed at this point in time.
I could have planned all I want to get the job which would allow me to go the furthest.
And, i definitely try to plan.
But, its more than that.
I just have to do my best wherever it is that God places me.
I'm just thankful for this changed mindset, because I believe it has made me a more capable and talented individual than I have ever been.

Someone once said, that the basic rule is that "Every single person thinks of themself first."
I would like to change that, somehow.

Updates...

2010-04-02T21:20:00.003+08:00

Okay! so this blog has been silent for a while... well, it's really not an excuse that we've been and still are busy :) though we were kinda lazy as well. So anyway, first up...just wanna congratulate brian & joce's for their sweet B&J wedding. Here's a picture of our cell during their wedding dinner! Looking forward to xin yi & jon cheah's one on 24/7! :)

Other than that, a big congratulations to dear for winning the best fyp poster award! You did a fantastic job dear :) Am so proud of you. In fact both posters shown in this blog (his and mine) are all his work! :) wow, right?

Last week was really terrible for me. I was sick for 5 whole days, suffering from high fever of 40.1oC with vomitting, asthma, cough, phlegm and what not. Thanks to all friends esp jess, doreen, mh, san, mj, gy, jo etc etc for their concern and prayers. I'm all well and good now.

There's nothing much to update...other than JSS Camp which we went for a weekend before i fell sick...probably do up another post with some pictures another time! In short, we both had a very good time with the kiddos in our own groups. I think it was great that we were both in charge of different team...cos it allowed me to really interact with the kids more :) It was really enjoyable.

Please do keep us in prayers this sunday, as Matt is involved in the JSS Sunday School Activities for Easter Sunday. We'll both be acting in a skit..so pls do pray for us, and for the kids to enjoy the craft work and re-enactment of the Passover. We really want to do it well for God.

And also do pray for our upcoming test next thurs! it's a heavy load of 10 chapters cos there's no exam for that! :X...and also for matt's interviews next week! Thank you for covering us in prayers. Do let us know how we can pray for you too....Till then....! :)

Dedicated to you.

2010-04-02T20:55:00.003+08:00

*To other readers who happened to read: sorry if it's mushy...it's not meant to be showy at all. if i could protect this post, i would have...unfortunately blogspot doesn't have that function...*

Dear,

I'm writing this short post to you as *another* form of appreciation for your sacrificial love towards me. When you came to know that I fell ill last week, u immediately stayed over that night just to take care of me. And when u realise that I didn't get better in the morning, in fact it worsened to a high fever, u skipped lecture in the morning and took great care of me. All the manuka honey that u feed me, the constant monitoring of my temperature, putting of ice-packs, and most of all, staying by my side the entire day (even though i was sleeping 90% of the time) just to make sure i'm alright. You were always so encouraging, and so supportive...constantly praying for me and comforting me that I will get well. Truly, i felt very very very loved and blessed to have you.

If not for you, i was very sure that i would take even longer to recover. Thank you so much for being there for me, not only when i needed you...but for being there all the time. It truly means a lot to me, and i am really very touched. The few days that i layed on bed as thoguh i was bedridden, i've never once felt lonely and bored because u were always smsing me, calling me, or physically beside me. I've felt your sacrificial love, and i'm so undeserving of it. I just want to say, from the very bottom of my heart (as cliche as it sounds), that I appreciate you and your love, and that i love you. When i say you mean the world to me, i really mean it :).

We probably won't be able to celebrate our 40th monthsary (in 4 days time) cos of our hectic academic week coming up, but it's never about the celebration... :) It's simply a reminder of how much God has brought our relationship through during the past 40 months. Happy 40th monthsary in advance, dear! :)

(Picture taken 2 years ago....:))

Love,
your other half, always.

2010-03-27T21:00:00.000+08:00

Yay. now its my turn to put up my poster. =)

2010-03-18T00:04:00.002+08:00

I've been reflecting on myself intermittently the past week, and i came to realise how bad my heart condition is. Not physically, but spiritually. The thoughts that come to my mind, the emotions that whirl in my heart...they're really ugly. And I feel terribly ashamed to call myself a Christian.

I hope that the upcoming 3 day JSS camp this weekend will allow me some quiet time and be immersed in His presence. Though i'll be helping out as a teacher and it's probably gonna be quite messy with many little children running around, I am looking forward to see God working through these little ones; and when that happens, I pray that God will renew my heart. It's gonna be a busy weekend though, with joce's wedding and a probable recruitment consultation as well. Somehow, there are so many events collapsing on this single weekend.

May God purify and cleanse my heart & mind; and make me new again.

And just for rememberance sake... :)

2010-03-06T20:07:00.002+08:00

Thanks for designing the poster background for me darling :)

Poster Presentation Day

2010-03-06T17:44:00.002+08:00

And so, yesterday marked the end of my Final Year Project. Over the span of Thursday and Friday, I had the opportunity to present my project to a Professor, and attend the Poster Award Day.

In all honesty, I am very thankful for the very fact that I was nominated by Prof Lee Jim Yang as the Best Project Award. It really came as a surprise, as all along I knew I didn't deserve it. I told many of my friends that my approach was wrong. I still think there was something amiss with the way the experiment I was doing... and it was true that I didn't manage to produce any fantastic or revolutionary results. However, I made a decision to stop doing any experiment when exams started the previous semester..and spent the entire december writing my report. I did spend a lot of time trying to analyse and write my report in a way that everything flows. And it's a testimony to share...because everytime I start writing the start and end of the report, somehow God gave me the inspiration to link my thoughts in a certain way such that everything flows. It's something very amazing, and I was very thankful during the days i slogged out for my report.

But anyhow, I didn't win the award. And i'm very thankful that I didn't win either :) Because i know there are alot more people out there who are more deserving of the award. I mean, I honestly didn't do as much lab work as others. I only really started doing my lab 1 month after everyone started, never stayed later than 7pm to do my lab, only went back on Saturday once, and stopped all experiments before exams started.

God has been good to me. And His goodness reminds me of how much I have failed to obey and abide in Him. This nomination has truly reminded me the importance of focusing and depending on Him. Anyway, enjoy the pics!

wouldn't have survived without the support of these people!

My design project group mates! :)

And of course, the greatest support that I could ever receive...goes to you dear :)
Thanks for helping me (literally helping me, technically & emotionally) throughout the entire semester!

and my SM (Spiritual Mentor) Josephine came down too!

Presenting to you...my prof!

Prof. Lee Jim Yang (also the department head)!

Jealousy - the ugly side of Man

2010-02-28T21:20:00.002+08:00

It's not the first time i'm blogging about jealousy, but recently, it's been back haunting me again. As a girl, we tend to claim our rights to be jealous, since we claim to be the more emotional ones. We tend to justify our reasons for being jealous...and the most common one being our need for security; of which we 'demand' or rather 'expect' our boyfriend / husband to provide. I suppose in a relationship, girls often seek for emotional security while the guys probably have some other needs. Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong between both of us :) and we're both secure.

My biggest vibe is jealousy and everytime i get jealous (irregardless of the cause), i would be irrational and get myself all worked up. Without thinking, I would sprout unreasonable remarks and biting comments. And after all the hype, i would realise how ugly my heart is and feel utterly ashamed.

That's why, security in Christ is so very important. If we truly believe and claim our citizenship in heaven above, there's really no reason to feel insecure. Our identity in Christ is thus so pertinent, and we, christians, really do need to believe that we are God's precious little children. At this point of my life, I guess I am still working on this aspect...to realise my self-worth. When I am truly contented with all that I am and have, then perhaps, I would find no reason to feel jealous anymore.

Special days of celebration - V-day & Matt's 25th Bday

2010-02-27T00:05:00.005+08:00

I'm back on blogging finally. It's been about a month? So, it was Matt's birthday a few days back...and we celebrated it with a surprise bday cake with my family, a really sweet movie "The Blind Side" and dinner @ Vivo. So here're some photos to remember that day...

The birthday presents were revealed @ Labrador Park. Gave him a briefcase that he really wanted and a photoframe :) Thanks to all (Jess, Mum, GY, Doreen) who helped in my present surprise in their little ways!

And our romantic V-day. Thanks dear for the very lovely roses :) They're so pretty...and i hope u like ur fav song specially played by GY, and the lyrics that flew all the way from Swtizerland!

We're truly very blessed!

happy 25th birthday dear

2010-02-23T21:52:00.000+08:00

u mean the world to me :)

2010-02-15T19:46:00.002+08:00

I realized something.

"Good and Bad, Intertwined.
It is still returning to God that counts.
Whether good or bad, whether intertwined.
Its still believing in God that is important.
The hope is for one to return to God,
not for one to turn to good.
For, the good will be honored,
and, the bad, condemned.
But many, as I, intertwined.....
Can only return to God. "

1 John 2:15
Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the father is not in him.

2010-02-14T22:11:00.005+08:00

CNY.
Chinese New Year, Oh Happy Chinese New Year.

Its has really been a pleasant Chinese New Year.
Pre-Chinese New Year was a time of discussions
The First Day about an extremely hectic schedule
Second Day, probably, about staying at home

Anyway, I was just thinking back to when Grandpas and Grandmas were still around.
The knowledge the possessed, and the wisdom they had.
Sometimes, in this modern day, you really appreciate silent thought
Silent thought that really means more than; just mindless chatter

Sometimes, I understand I talk too much.
I allow my tongue to slip, and my mind to wander.
Everyone (incl. me) thinks we have the answers to everything

And, when it happens, i enter silent thought.
Silent thought of reflections
Where i realize that I could change so little through my words,
yet change so much through my actions.
Silent thoughts where I realize I'm blessed, and gift-ed
yet know so little, and falter so much.

My uncle sat, watching the tv, in silent thought on New Year's Eve.
No one appreciates it.
But I sit, now, in silent thought on New Year's Day.
Whether in Ah Im's House, in ST's house or even in my own.
and appreciate what my uncle sat there doing.

For I am in touch with God.
And God has spoken to me.
In so many words, for so many times.
Trust.
Obey.
Love.
To live my life in hope, to do all i ever can for Him
To see His purpose, and to walk down His path of righteousness.
For we cannot change another
But we can OBEY. We can LOVE. We can be like Our Father.
Our Father, His Son.
Who did everything for us.
Who did enough for me.

=My Own Free Verse for Today=
"My journey has reached,
silent thought.
That my finger, should point to heaven.
And my hands, made to love.
My heart, offered to Him.
My soul, designed for His purpose.

I am to follow Him.
He has granted me His favour.
For my steps shall never cease.
And his mercies never end."

21-day Lifestyle Fast!

2010-02-02T21:23:00.002+08:00

Campus Crusade (Engine Region) is going on a 21-day Prayer Engage. And since fasting goes well with prayer, I've decided to go on a lifestyle fast - of which i'm going to abstain from blogs (includes reading other people's blogs and reading my own blog) and facebook. Oh my, this is going to be so tough, tougher than skipping a lunch meal. Because I am on fb and blog-surfing almost once in and every hour, i think the temptation will be very very strong. But i guess that's the point! To abstain from a lifestlye dependency, and thirst for God rather than all these wordly entertainment and gossip platforms.

So, till 21 days later! :) May I really be able to draw closer to God, and enjoy His presence in the stillness. But i guess this blog may not be totally dead, since my other half can blog whenever he wants to. Matt's fasting commitment is more interesting. He's taking on a Daniel fast - abstinence from PORK! Say bye bye to bak kwa! :)

we can do it dear! :)

Site-visit to West Coast Park!

2010-01-31T23:06:00.003+08:00

We took a Social Work module "Human Development over the Lifespan" together this sem and our 2nd tutorial requires us to visit a playground to observe the quality of play of pre-school children. The playground @ West coast park is really huggeeee, and really wonderful for families to bring their children to play. This's our group of 8, and they're all very fun-loving people. We're the only 2 engineers around, and it's really nice to break free from the engineering culture and get to know the artsy-farty people! I personally am enjoying the module, because i find it particularly useful in understanding people..not only adults like us, but infants to early childhood and the elderly. The lecturer is an old, witty man who is really very funny!

The two little kiddies from denmark are really really adorable... we even had the oppotunity to interview their families. I don't know what made me laugh so widely though....

There is no higher calling than to kneel and bow before your Throne

2010-01-31T12:22:00.002+08:00

A reminder of God's glory

We had a back-to-basics session at CG last night, where we shared our testimony and how God has led us through these years. I was reminded of how faithful God has been in my life, and the many times i turned a deaf ear to Him and did my own things. I was touched by many's testimonies and their life-changing moments.

Ever since I came back from Switzerland, I have been clouded with a lot of fear in my work. It has been difficult, since there weren't really notes that i could be spoon-fed with. Modules like FYP and Design Project are very independent in nature, and it's something i struggle with. I have to admit, that i'm a very dependent person, and I have to get out of that comfort zone somehow. All these while, I am always afraid of not being able to do well, not being able to complete and do my part. Yesterday, I questioned myself, "Where is my faith?". And i felt thoroughly ashamed. God has led me through many dark tunnels, yet have i been forgetful of His goodness? Why do I fear when i have God beside me?

This day, I really want to draw back to God, trust in Him and let His love flows through me. I want to open up my heart for God to enter. Without His love, i cannot do anything. It's time i build my confidence in Christ.

2010-01-23T20:42:00.001+08:00

i feel utterly stupid :(

I AM FAT I AM FAT I AM FAT!!!

2010-01-23T13:01:00.002+08:00

i'm really fat :( i feel fat and i look at myself in the mirror, and i see the fatsss. Sigh, and today, i went on a weighing machine and felt really dismayed. I've put on a considerable bit of weight ever since i got back from switzerland! i think it's almost a whole 6 kg! it's amazingggg and very worrying. It's definitely not an illusion, because people have been telling me that i've put on weight, and i can feel and see it for myself. Argh. I need to lose weight to get back healthy again. It's terribly disturbing.

So much for vanity.....

Thank God.

2010-01-22T22:02:00.002+08:00

It was a close shave. If it was 1 second later, both of us would probably have landed in the hospital by now. I think it was my bad as i was making fun and teasing matt, causing him to be distracted. As such, he didn't realise that the car in front suddenly braked while cruising on the expressway (ok la, i think the car in front probably braked late too), so matt jammed the brakes but because he knew the stopping distance wasn't enough, he swerved to the left. But it was very scary, because there was a BIG lorry just beside him when he swerved. Thankfully the lorry wasn't moving at high speed. And with skill, matt just managed to swerve between the car in front of the original lane and the big lorry on the left lane. I think the 2 vehicles were very angry, but we were both very thankful. Thankful that God protected us, and thankful that matt's reaction was quick enough. The amazing thing was...matt was still holding onto my hand very tightly while he swerved. On a light note, i was very impressed though very stunned. It took me the entire ride home to recover from the shock. Truly, i felt very bad for distracting him too :(. And i'm now feeling very jittery and paranoid with driving...it's just, way too dangerous in my opinion.

Btw, it was my first time doing star-gazing today! i had this wonderful opportunity cos we took the Einstein GEM module which had weekly star-gazing. It was quite cool, cos i could see Jupiter and the bands on the planet so clearly, the orion band of stars, a cluster of stars which showed some green aura due to some pandora effect or smth, and the moon magnified. It's funny to see all the craters so clearly on the moon. Feels so ... imaginary. The whole star-gazing thing makes me feel very small and realise how big God is. To think we, humans, could be so prideful even though we're just such a small fry in this amazingly huge universe.

2010-01-21T12:22:00.003+08:00

Hmm, failed the interview thing yesterday (MAP)...
I kind of expected it, because I wasn't very focused, or very good at it that day.
YA, just like the other interview I did before that, did not perform very well.

Sometimes, its maybe a bit of personality conflict,
Somtimes, I'm not so good with these kind of things,
a little bit too emotional/aware of things; for my own good.
At times, maybe too much honesty/naivety works against me.

But, oh well... i really think the others there at the interview were so much better than me.
Ya, there are a lot of people better than me, in a lot of different ways.
I'd be lying if I said i was not downcast. I am! a little...
Stupid Pride.. Stupid EGO.
But.. well =) God has great things in store for all of us.
I'm still blessed with things. I'm not the best, but I'm still blessed.

Yup, well... anyway on the bright side, there are still people that like/love me.
There are still other things for me to do, other ways for me to make a difference.
Still a long journey ahead and a lot to discover.
Faith helps us to live, to cherish and to grow.

Sometimes, I feel like an idiot.
Haha =) I take 4 years to get where I am today, when i could have been there from the start.

2010-01-20T22:22:00.002+08:00

God made miracles for a reason.

One of the greatest ones He made for me, is the reason that I'm happy right now.

Spiritual (and Physical) Check

2010-01-17T12:20:00.003+08:00

It's been quite some time since I reflected on my spiritual health. Though the past semester was trying (partly because I gave myself additional scare and pressure to deal with the unpredictable fyp results), I could clearly remember what I was constantly praying for. Aside from the experimental results itself, I was constantly reminding myself to seek joy in the Lord admist all circumstances and to trust in Him. As time went by, humans being human, God's goodness to me slowly slipped off my mind and once again, throughout the december holidays, I was plainly focusing on finishing my FYP report. Even though I prayed every day, it was always about ask God to help me finish my work. Hardly did I still myself just to hear God's voice and to be soaked in His presence. It was all about me, me and me. It's time i draw back to God and seek to know Him better. Funny how I sometimes complained that I can't hear and discern God's voice, when I refuse to be still and open up my heart and ears to hear him. All i had to do was just to put down whatever I'm doing with, and seek the Lord. Yet, the world is always moving and we're constantly on the move with things, finding it hard to slow down.

I read Psalm 37 a while back, and i fell in love with it.

Psalm 37: 3-7

Trust in the LORD and do good;

dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the LORD

and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD;

trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,

the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;

do not fret when men succeed in their ways,

when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Psalm 37: 23-24

If the LORD delights in a man's way,

he makes his steps firm;
though he stumble, he will not fall,

for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

If there's one area I would really like to grow, it would be to listen to His heartbeat. And for that to work, I need to constantly seek Him in all that I do...read the bible daily, pray everyday, and be still. Especially now that I have to make a major decision for the next stage of my life, I really want to abide and understand His will and purpose for me.

***************************

In terms of our physical health, i guess both of us have been growing horizontally ever since we came back from Zurich. Really missed the days i could slipped into my jeans with no effort. Vanity aside, i think we really need to exercise. The laziness has led to me feeling so 'nua' and lethargic everyday. Anyhow, it's a good thing we decided to start our exercise regime. We had a good time of swimming with my family last sunday, and thinking it would end there...we actually motivated ourselves to run approximately 2.8km today without stopping. It was really a good run in the evening, and the walk back was fruitful just being able to talk to each other, hand in hand. Our family swimming is scheduled again next sunday, hopefully it would be realised. Afterwhich, i think we have quite a few big dinners coming up! Ah well, better than nothing i guess ;)

I am really glad too, that I managed to spend the last week reading a novel "True Believers", written by my favourite author, Nicholas Sparks. I've read quite a number of his books, and i love the feeling how his books always tempt me to continue reading. The flipping of pages by my fingers always act faster than the reading of my eyes. It's nice that i could spend some time to do some reading, at my own sweet time and comfort, after so long.

Driving has been quite alright i guess, though matt thinks my progress needs to quicken a little. Amazingly, i had the same instructor for the past 3 lessons and i think i've grown accustomed to his style. But, tomorrow I am getting a new instructor...and i'm feeling a little jittery about it. I sitll can't do my turns properly, hopefully he will be nice :) Btw, i have actually started driving on the road..and my previous instructor directed me to drive from eunos all the way to tampines last friday. It was quite an adventure, as my first road-drive :)

Other than that, I think I should really get down to doing some academic work once again, before everything starts piling up....

2010-01-16T18:07:00.001+08:00

My logic is flawed,
But I'm gaining wisdom.

2010-01-13T18:07:00.002+08:00

You see...
God has been good to me.
Really really good to me.
I really have so much to thank Him for, more than just world successes, or life experiences..
But really, with the faith, things are just so different....
Its a different perspective, a different life.

Coming to Engineering in NUS has taught me....
how driven the world can be, how drive for money, for success and for status.
I am blessed, i have had money, i've tasted success, and i do have some status.
But its not what I WANT!
and its definitely not what I NEED.

I remember about 4 years back, I realized i was someone that learnt from negative examples.
Thinking about it now, I still learn from negative examples;
Just that now, God has provided positive examples to remind me

After 4 years just having my main focus fixated on trying to do enough in my B. Degree,
i have learnt so much about engineering.
And learnt so much more about life.

I've learnt that
People come and people go,
Some people stay together, and some people don't
Some people live their lives together, and some people live their lives alone.
Some people want money, some people look for fame, some people just look for friends.
Everyone that i've met over the 4 years want to succeed, but its the people that don't whom i admire and respect.
Everyone needs love, but not everyone finds love.
Everyone wants love, and some people mistake love.
Someone told me last year, everyone basically seeks for self benefit.
And i have found out it is true, except for "Everyone"
That there are those who have a greater meaning and purpose in life.
There are those who forsake success for happiness, and forsake success for more happiness; even if they had both.
There is me, who burns with righteousness, who burns with desire,
But fails to do it, and succeeds in being misunderstood.
Everyone wants to be right, more right than others, including me.
But its better to put it back in "righteousness", for from God it came, not from man.
And we were never right to begin with.

On my way to being a certified driver...

2010-01-08T21:21:00.008+08:00

Good news! I passed my Advanced Theory Test! i know it's no big deal, but i'm still glad i passed with my limited studying. My 6 bucks didn't go to waste, and i don't have to waste time travelling down to re-take :) Thanks for everyone's encouragement and 'good-luck's'. I officially managed to start a real car last tuesday, and moved it forward and backwards. It was really quite scary at the start, esp when i first stepped on the accelerator. Seemed so fragile to me...didn't know it was so sensitive, the car jerked forward when i first stepped on it. Managed to learn how to turn right too in the circuit...hur hur. My instructor on that day was really nice (i rated him excellent hahaha), he was very friendly and patient...We talked a whole lot of topics..from family, education, career to even...my height -_-''. It was really hard to concentrate while turning the car and having to conversate at the same time. But, it was generally a nice start!

Here's some pictures of events that took place during our dec holidays :)

1. FYP (Some pictures i took during the process from beginning to end)

So..this is the lab i was stuck with for 6 months..E5-B-09this is part of my synthesis procedure....the red / purple colour represents Gold nanoparticles..the colour changes with the shape of the nanoparticle. When it gets purple, the shape shifts to be like prisms or rods.
The small little round thing are TEM copper grids. Each of this is one sample, and u can insert it into a Transmission Electron Microscope to see your nanoparticles like.....this

Cute right...these is one of the samples i produced. These are GOLD nanoparticles, and they are relaly cute, of different shapes and sizes. Looks like sweets right. But haha, this isn't considered a good sample. (but then again, do i actually have a good sample?!?!)
the final report, which i painstakingly wrote it.... :) with God's grace, and much support from matt and dear friends
a pic of our reports with me and andreas!

2. Met up with some guitar dearies at The Central for catch-up & A BBQ end-of-year (red-green themed) party @ my place on the 28th Dec'09

3. Cell Group X'mas Dinner...We prepared home-made pizza. So here's the process! It was really fun and yummy :)

The RESULT!!! :) tA-DAH!

4. The Great Big Christmas Giveaway (TGBCG) Christmas Service @ BEFC, Auntie Doreen's Bday Celebration

glad willy, andreas and friend came! :)

with cousin Delwyn

my house xmas tree! nice? :) each angel is hand-made from auntie Christine. Amazing right..?!?!

5. Edmund's Performance @ E5 Classroom, Chem Eng Prayer Grp X'mas BBQ Gathering @ Ian's place

6. Christmas @ JSS Sunday School

7. Meet-up with Jess for my belated bday dinner! Thanks dearie :) love the photo!

Updates...

2010-01-06T22:46:00.003+08:00

1. FYP report has finally been submitted. Thank God for His guidance all these while. It signals much freedom to chemgineers i guess. Though i did not feel extremely elated or felt freed having submitted my report, I am relieved that it's over...although i am slightly apprehensive trying to visualize evaluators tearing down my poster presentation in time to come.

2. My first driving lesson is tomorrow and i don't know what to expect. I was feeling excited a week back, but now i'm feeling a little jittery. As everyone already know, i'm accident prone...i don't wish to be a road hazard though. Hopefully the driving process will start out well...

3. My final theory test for driving is the day after tomorrow....and i only really started reading up today. Hopefully i can pull through and make my 6 bucks worth.

4. We had quite a fruitful dec holidays i must say. Had a lot of eating-outs with uncle chung chi, auntie pooh lii, auntie may, uncle frips, dear's parents, some friends, cell group christmas party etc. I've put on a fair bit of calories, and i need to burn them off.

5. My health has been deteriorating ever since FYP started. How silly, that must have sound. But, my period hasn't come for the longest time, and i'm getting worried. I think my hormonal imbalance is causing the acne on my skin these days, and it's very irritating. Haven't been able to get relaxed sleep for a while now...

6. I'm very happy to see a good friend of mind getting hitched. Pray that it'll be a very exciting and sweet process for them.

7. Am also very happy to learn that my senior, since sec to jc, is pregnant. Really happy, yet envious too...it's so nice to be able to play and grow up with your child when u're still youthful and full of energy. Unfortunately, i think my family is too practical to accept early marriage.

There's really a lot to give thanks for. Am glad that our nightly bible study has been more effective for the past few months (though still alot that we can improve on)...will cont to pray for us to grow deeper in the word and in the presence of God.

As for my new year resolutions, i haven't really got down to thinking about it...but both of us did attempt to reflect and talk about it on new year's day (we try to do that every year)...For matt, it would be to be more generous. While for me, i think i should cont to improve on last year's resolution which is to better control my emotions, be a better support for matt, and to grow deeper in the word together.

Brainless post

2009-12-31T12:02:00.002+08:00

I hate to admit it, but i'm addicted to this HK drama! My entire morning is always spent on Channel 55, and it always gets me teary and emo. But i can't wait to find out what happens next...it's been a long time since i feel hooked to a drama series. If not for the impending report and driving theory test, i would have gone online to finish watching the series!

now i've a bigger inertia to handle before i get myself to do some work.

2009-12-30T16:56:00.002+08:00

The hardest part in writing a report is the abstract as it essentially accentuates the essence of the entire research work.

I need insipration, and of course God's wisdom to do it.

6th jan - a day all chemical engineers are looking forward to. While many take it in a light as a 'freedom day', i choose to see it as God's faithfulness to me for the past semester. He has guided me much, and matt's tremendous support for me has really touched me inside out. 6th jan would also mark our 37th months of being together :)

So much to give thanks for

2009-12-22T15:47:00.002+08:00

Both of us had a really enjoyable christmas, spent with each other, family and friends. We had a few meet-ups with our friends, and that itself was very heartwarming. I really have to thank God for TGBCG, where my aunt, cousin and my entire family spontaneously decided to come...we had a very good family time after the service. Pictures later!

Hmm results for this semester have been released, and i can only say that God has blessed both of us much. We truly don't deserve any of these good gifts. Well, I'm really proud and happy for my other half cos he did exceedingly well once again :) Congrats dear. As for me, i'm more than happy with my results. It's strange though cos ever since God revealed to me the need to break a friendship bondage, God has been really faithful and my grades increased gradually ever since then. His plan is always perfect and pleasing. We claim nothing of these credits, for we are truly worthless without Him. It's all yours, Jesus.

On a side note, there have been far too many loopholes in my report which i've been painstakingly writing. All i can say is, God has led me thus far, i'm just gonna trust in Him to finish this. Thinking back, I don't think i have any regrets with the prof i chose or the mentor i was given or even, the project i balloted for. No doubt it has been a tough and discouraging process, which really tested my patience and endurance...but i just have to keep going and finish this race.

I think i'm left with about 10 days before the submission date. Right now, i'm really hesitant to look at my report after a good christmas break i gave myself. I really hate the INERTIA (bad inertia of course). I wish i could just lie on my bed and read my nicholas sparks book which has been waiting for me for a long time. But i guess that has to wait. After my fyp report is due, i still have got to chiong and mug for my advanced theory test in a day. But that's definitely more enjoyable than fyp. Seeing and hearing the 'word' 'fyp' is really dreadful.

Enough of whining. For NOW, i just have to really break the inertia. Hopefully i won't succumb to it. My bed looks too enticing.

c'mon c'mon!

2009-12-14T00:28:00.002+08:00

a bit more to go..... before i can phew the first sigh of relief. I can't wait to start going out (the past week felt like a confinement to me, self-imposed of course) to pak-tor and meet-up with friends whom i haven't met for a while! And of course, start applying more jobs, exercise, study for advanced theory test, and prepare for the coming celebration of Jesus's birth!

2 more days of endurance and perseverance to go...please please, let me meet my deadline. And hopefully, things will go uphill from then on. Or, at least, let the next hurdle be a smaller, more manageable and hopeful one.

I've been too much like a lard, seriously accumulating fats all day long :(

Go, tell it to the mountain

2009-12-13T12:33:00.001+08:00

Go, tell it on the mountain
Over the hills and everywhere
Go, tell it on the mountain
That Jesus Christ is born

While shepherds kept their watching
Over silent flocks by night
Behold throughout the heavens
There shone a holy light

Go, tell it on the mountain
Over the hills and everywhere
Go, tell it on the mountain
That Jesus Christ is born

The shepherds feared and trembled
When lo! above the earth
Rang out the angels chorus
That hailed the Savior's birth

Go, tell it on the mountain
Over the hills and everywhere
Go, tell it on the mountain
That Jesus Christ is born

Down in a lowly manger
The humble Christ was born
And God sent us salvation
That blessèd Christmas morn

Go, tell it on the mountain
Over the hills and everywhere
Go, tell it on the mountain
That Jesus Christ is born.

blah.

2009-12-11T13:52:00.002+08:00

I detest writing anything with regards to FYP, but I just needed an avenue to garner some prayers. The past week has been somewhat a difficult one, having to force myself to start writing my report (since my results can't get any better). It's such a huge inertia to really start myself going, but I have to since my phd is leaving next week for Thailand. Writing a report is like a roller coaster ride..it would always start out hard, with much frustrations trying to express my thoughts and to decipher what i'm actually writing, and then it would get better once i've passed through a small stage, and then back to the difficult part again when a new paragraph starts. Currently, I guess i'm into the most difficult part of the report, where I really think anyone who reads it would scratch their head, wondering what on earth I am doing and why everything seemed so messy and confusing! And so, I'm really trying to make things clear...but i myself am quite muddleheaded too. Sadly, i'm progressing much slower than I thought (i didn't expect myself to take such a long time), so please please do pray that somehow, God will really grant me wisdom as I type. I couldn't have come so far without God, and whether or not it's gonna turn out acceptable, I really need Him.

It's been 3 whole years :)

2009-12-06T15:08:00.003+08:00

3 years, and I'm truly thankful for him being a wonderful blessing in my life. There are so many things to give thanks for in our relationship, and at times, it wasn't easy. Both of us aren't perfect, and each and every day of us being together, had played a part in teaching us every single thing about love.

Thinking back, we started out pretty rough and emotional with my parents being not so welcoming to the idea of me having a boyfriend at the age of 20. But we prayed for God to move the mountains, and we're indeed thankful for their acceptance, for this happy family. It's true to some extent that relationships are easier to handle at the start cos things seemed so nice and rosy, but gets harder along the way when we started taking each other for granted and becoming more picky with each other.

Though both of us had our rough moments now and then, we tried to depend on God and always seek to reconcile and make things work out. Me, being unperfect, had to eliminate the idea of wanting things my way. I've come to realise that a relationship wouldn't work out if i kept insisting my way. Rather, we've both learnt to listen to each other's needs, to communicate and to ask God for wisdom; though i think we can always improve on the latter.

I guess throughout the 3 years, the main thing that I've learnt is that a relationship is really not about 'me'. And that's where unconditional and sacrificial love comes in, which is always the hardest. Many times, our interest has to be put aside and either of us must take the initiative to compromise.

That being said, it's been a really enjoyable and sweet process, and we're indeed very blessed. While we will continue to work for our relationship, we pray that God will be in the centre of it all and guide us; for without Him, there would be no us. As for our friends, we too are really praying that one day you would find 'the one', just as we did :)

We love because He first loved us.

A simple Jap dinner at Orchard's new mall :) thanks hunny

2009-12-04T15:54:00.005+08:00

Today, a very meaningful phrase popped up into my head, it was "never blame God for the wrongs people have done unto you"

But besdies the point, i would like to reflect a little bit about my time in NUS

In NUS, I've can't say i've enjoyed my time. I now understand why NUS alumnus do not give much donations back to NUS. However, I don't even feel its really the students at fault, neither is it the NUS system. It just seems to me that it is an inherent flaw with the flesh of mankind.

Over the last 4 years, i've seen maliciousness, dishonesty, disregard for authority and for others, sexual immorality, news about molestation and paedophilia, selfish ambition, copying and stealing. Its a result of putting about 35000 different students and staff together in a melting pot community.

I've seen good things as well, though, such as love and romance, homemade gifts such as little sweet bags and homemade cakes, community service, care, kindness, brotherly love, people helping each other out and encouragements. Thing is, it seems the bad things overshadows the good for me, not because there were more of it; but, because it was so empowering and destructive. "Ouch".

Thats the nature of good versus evil, where the lure of darkness engulfs the draw of the light.
Simply put, grey always seems more black than white.

The interesting thing is, in the church, you don't see the dark overwhelming the light. In a good church, it is so nice to feel the everpresent warmth of the light. You don't feel the dark, and i've thoroughly enjoyed the experience. Even if someone is individualistic in the church, it doesn't seem to have as great an effect as that in school. Love engulfs the unlovely.

So I say "Wow..." The church is magnificent. The church is beautiful. The church is a modern day Utopia. And to me, it is a fact. The church is a great refuge.

I shall resist the temptation to stereotype here. But to me, the church feels bright and NUS seems so dark. I haven't met a single person who actually committed suicide in church before, although i've seen people commit suicide in school and at home. Pity, we should have brought them to church for a stayover camp.

NUS, I am sorry i compare you to a church, for you will never be one. Maybe Campus Crusade and VCF and Navigators will be a church of bright lights, but NUS will never be one. It was just not built for that.

As such, even as i contemplate my future career choice, i really hope there is a church out there for me to join. A church shining in the darkness of the commercial world. I met an investment firm which told me they ran by christian principles and that their boss was a christian. But, when the recession hit, they told me they did nothing for the guy who lost all his money. That is not a church to me, that is nothing but a company living in the darkness, proclaiming it as light. That is like teaching your colour blind child that blue is orange and orange is blue. Note I bear no intention of the coincidental colour matches with the NUS colours here.

In Switzerland, EAWAG was a company that seemed to be a church, that seemed to really be abounding with love and care for others. The Singaporean company that was recently featured in the news seemed to be doing a similar kind of work with EAWAG as well. We are always too quick to judge, but to me, there is always a fine line between commercial profit and love. Where ever did unconditional true love turn into rational love. Can love without sacrifice truly be called love at all?

I am a dreamer, an idealist, a person who believes that paying it forward is the way for society to move forward. People these days pay it backwards too much. Paying it forward was based on irrationality; vice versa for paying it backwards.

Seems like the only answer for someone seeking the light, is to really join the light. Christians always say Jesus was in the world, but he was not of the world. "Cheem Ya." Can we be the light in the darkness? We need to be light. We need to be the light in the world, a light not of the world because that equates to the ray of darkness. But we need lights in the darkness, to light our way, to ensure that darkness does not consume us. We are in great danger of being consumed.

In essence, having given it enough thought, i hope that "someone please set up a church in the world of darkness that i can join!" A church that is bright, a church that pays it forward, a church that is in the world but not of the world! Is that a viable business strategy compared to the "blue ocean concept"?

Even as i expand the idea, we run into the conflicts of complexity and the limitless knowledge that exists. And even so, there lies so many loopholes in what i write. Everything is simply too subjective for its own good; except maybe God's word.

So anyway back to my point, looking back at the last 4 years.
1. I've thought about so many things.
2. I've come to so few conclusions.
3. I've met dark people and bright people.
4. I've been jaded enough by liars, and encouraged enough by friends.
5. Church has been good, NUS hasn't been so good.
6. Company doesn't appeal to me, but church does.
7. Obedience is key to answering my dilemma.
8. Nobody really listens to me. Everyone listens to the other person because they do not understand me.
9. People often mistake the ray of darkness as the ray of light. What we should remember is that the light is in the world, but not of the world.
10. Light and darkness can intermix, but light does not necessarily wins over darkness. That is because darkness is so powerful and empowering. Most places in the world are thus dark places, because the light has been overpowered.
11. I'm happy that at least i will have a household of faith in this world that will shine for me.

I pray for a church.
A church where i can serve my purpose.
A church in the world of darkness, not of darkness.
So that i can leave the darkness behind.
Cos i've come to the end of the 4-year tunnel,
And it is almost time for light to prevail.

I really have to say "sorry" to so many people.
Please do believe "Jesus lives" and that "he is the true light of the world" and the "only path to God".

Only without darkness, can light prevail.
It is a simple choice, for each and every person to choose.

Do not be consumed.

Prof Christoph's Visit!

2009-12-03T23:31:00.003+08:00

It was really nice for Prof Christoph (our ETH Environmental Sanitation Professor) to contact Matthias that he would be coming down to Singapore for the World Toilet Summit, and therefore asked if he could meet up for dinner. It was initially supposed to be a day plan, but unfortunately, there was some misread of his schedule and thus, it was changed to dinner. Nonetheless, it was really a good time of meeting up and a wonderful opportunity and privilege to be able to be personal with our very own professor from Switzerland!

We thus tried to our best ability to plan out something nice and memorable for him to remember Singapore and to take home to Switzerland. So it started out with a nice stroll at East Coast Park, a widespread of local dishes at the hawker centre, a stopover at the marina barrage to see Singapore's night skyline, and then a drive through Orchard Road to see the Christmas lightings. It was simple, yet i think a great experience for him we hope. We enjoyed ourselves throughly, trying to play a good tour guide by giving him some historical background of Singapore. Christoph has a really friendly disposition, and we enjoyed his presence very much. We had a great time just chatting and talking at a personal level. Thank God for this wonderful meet-up.

It was a great pleasure for us both to be given this opportunity and we sincerely hope he enjoyed himself tonight. He said he would bring his wife and son down one day, and we hope to be able to meet up then and bring them around to more places. My other half has been a really good host today! :)

And that's our prof! (2nd from the left, with a broken nose back then when he went hiking)

2009-11-29T23:14:00.002+08:00

The following is actually a story of a family (written by the mum) of one of my Sunday School children in my JSS batch this year. Its been a great testament to the Lord for how he has not only brought this JSS student so far forward in his walk and in his faith. How he has changed so much, and how it all fits in within God's great plan for his family.

It wasn't long since we had our JSS Camp 2 years ago and Daniel came to accept Christ. Since then, he has really changed, he has really grown so much; and I am thoroughly impressed of all that he is now.

Back from Coma to Life (Taken from BFEC Frankelite Vol 073/04/2009)
By Daniel's Mum; Kate Chew

On Thursday 30th July 2009, I was informed that my husband was critically ill Lock Sung at Changi General Hospital (CGH) and that I should go there immediately. Frightened, I quickly rushed to the hospital and was told that Lock Sung was in intensive care unit (ICU) in a coma and on life support. The entire cell group one gathered there to support me in whatever way I needed. I was numb but I knew that their silent prayers held me up.

The next day, I contacted Dr Tay Khoon Hean, Sung Lock's best friend and told him what happened. Prof Teo, Head of Medicine in CGH Sung took over Lock's case at Khoon Hean's request. Lock Sung had a seizure before it could cause any damage. After the MRI, the neurologist assessed his brain and said that there was no brain activity. The neurologist said that if Lock Sung could wake up in three days, the chances of recovery were better. If not, it would be bleak. I sent out smes to good friends from our and other churches to pray.

From Saturday, I played and sang some worship songs and read from the Bible. I also asked God to teach me what He wanted me to learn. The Holy Spirit impressed upon me to read the book of Matthew to Sung Lock. When I arrived at ICU, I was informed that Lock Sung did not show any progress. I was confused and upset. I sent a dismal sms to friends who were praying for us. They encourage me not to lose hope. I then Decided to read the book of Matthew to Sung Lock as Prompted by the Holy Spirit the night before. I read aloud till I came to Matthew 7:11 Which says: "If you, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven will give good gifts to those who ask Him ! "I then cried before the Lord" Sung Lock is a good gift to me, a very good gift to me. "

In the afternoon, Bee Poh and Susan came and we praised and worshiped God in the ICU room with my children. After they left, my son Daniel said that he wanted us to sing a song for Dad. Daniel began to sing this song that the Junior Sunday School taught him. Lock Sung shuddered and moved his right shoulder for the first time. More movements continued and God was giving me hope.

On Monday, Prof Teo explained that in many cases coma, people wake up with a degree of brain damage from mild to serious. I understood what he was trying to say but I told him that I believed that Jesus was Sung Lock's healer.

When he had examined Sung Lock, he told me to wake Sung Lock up. I called in a gentle way but Prof Teo then shouted: "Sung Lock! Wake up! "Immediately, Sung Lock's eyes opened. The doctors were not positive about his intermittent wakefulness as it seemed slower that a normal recovery should be. They feared there was brain damage. However, God comforted me Despite the pessimistic view. God was still doing His healing work. On Thursday, Gina came to pray over Sung Lock. Well, what happened was that God woke Sung Lock up, fully.

Though Lock Sung was conscious, I was Disoriented. It crossed my mind that Sung Lock may have some brain damage. What if the Lord wanted to give him back to me like this? I told God, "O Lord, if this is your will, I am so frightened." The next morning, God gave me this look in Romans 8:! 5 "You did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear .. "My fear was halted and my faith arose. The next day on Friday 7th August, Sung Lock's improvement was phenomenal. On Wednesday 12th August, Sung Lock was discharged.

Through all this time when I had to be in hospital, the cell group and Frankelites came to the ICU and prayed and helped me in all sorts of ways. God took care of my ever need through His Holy Spirit and through you. Thank you.

Of Praise, Joy & Thanksgiving

2009-11-29T14:56:00.002+08:00

"The LORD your God is with you,

he is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

he will quiet you with his love,

he will rejoice over you with singing."

- Zephaniah 3:17 -

(Pictures Taken on a Copenhagen-Oslo Cruise - Sunset)

O' Lovely Capri

2009-11-27T12:01:00.002+08:00

Picture Taken in Capri - Italy

Capri was one of our highlights of our grand tour, and it's no wonder why. That small little island by itself is so so pretty. The water was exceptionally clear and blue, oh how i remember the blue grotto cave we went to. Filled with so much wonder and mystique. I would love to go back there one day, and stay in one of the resorts for a weekend. But, nah, it's too expensive. I hope to dream of Capri though.

How I wish...

2009-11-24T21:17:00.002+08:00

that I could just spend the entire day, lying on my bed, and reading a storybook;

that I could go out and do some retail therapy and get some essentials like formal wear;

that I could just sit on the beach and watch the waves crash against the rocks;

that I could just be a couch potato at home and watch some dramas.

Argh, guess all the above won't be able to materialise since I have to be stuck at home doing my fyp report in december! Sigh, so no holiday for me :( And for now, i have to mug for exams. Wish there was a real holiday to look forward to.... :(

Birds can stand on 1 leg!

2009-11-20T13:42:00.002+08:00

"Ten miles north of Atlantic City, New Jersey, is the Edwin B. Forsythe National Wildlife Refuge where I spent a morning photographing herons, terns, geese, ibis and this snowy egret. He got me to thinking why I see so many birds standing on one leg.

A Google search revealed this explanation:
Birds’ legs have an adaptation called “rete mirabile” that minimizes heat loss. The arteries that transport warm blood into the legs lie in contact with the veins that return colder blood to the bird’s heart. The arteries warm the veins. By standing on one leg, a bird reduces by half the amount of heat lost through unfeathered limbs.

I’ve since found out another reason for why a wading bird, like this egret, will stand on one leg since I posted on Monday:

Birds also purposely create their own shadows in the water. Apparently egrets can blend better with their surroundings and look like a shrub to a fish by standing on one leg. The word “pedigree,” which is one’s family tree, comes from the French “pied de grue” – crane’s foot. This is sometimes represented artistically as a tree with exposed surface roots or even a bird’s foot in old ancestral diagrams. Take a close look at the egret’s legs and feet if you ever get the chance. The tough skin really does make them look like tree trunks, and undoubtedly fools fishes seeking a bit of shade for cover too." - Scott Thomas -

You all must be wondering, what's with this random post?! Well, I was about to start typing my notes, and when I looked out of my window, I saw this very beautiful elegant white bird standing so still on top of my neighbour's roof. It doesn't look like the ordinary minors or crows that i often see in my vicinity. So I took my camera and snapped a shot, intending to ask matt if he knows what bird this is. See!

Then, I decided to do a macro shot with my really out-dated lumix camera. This is the best zoom I can get. Then I realised this bird has got 1 leg! I was bewildered and amused, so I googled "birds with one leg". And most of the web pages that appeared were describing on why birds stand on one leg. So I looked closely at my picture, and saw a little stump sticking out of the body. That must be the other leg, do you see it?

Soon after, it started to drizzle, and the wind was getting stronger. This bird finally revealed its other leg to firm up its stability. Interesting huh? At least for me, heh heh, i didn't know anything about this!

And as I continued to google, I came across a site (where the excerpt above was taken from) and there was this picture in it. I'm pretty sure and confident that this was the same bird which I saw. The long protruding beak, the long thin legs and the brown tinge near the eyes are very distinct. So, it's called a 'snowy egret'. See the little leg hid up in the feathers? Now i know it's for insulation purpose :)

The flamingoes do it too!

Cool, birds are really stable creatures. I can never stand on one-leg for more than 1 minute, or even shorter! hee hee.

Just for you dear :)

2009-11-20T12:03:00.003+08:00

(Picture Taken in Marseille, France)

"I waited patiently for the LORD;

he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear

and put their trust in the LORD."

May God guide you and bless you as you sit for your exam tomorrow :) He'll give you enough grace to bring you through your paper. Have faith, i'm with you :)

2009-11-19T00:09:00.002+08:00

Hmm the maximization of potential never ends.
Man's potential is almost close to that of God's; limitless.

The chase never ends, contentment never comes; in that sense.

Today, i started thinking what makes a man great?
What makes a man succeed?

For some people, it is really the drive and hunger they have for success.
Even missionaries have that drive and hunger to spread the word.
So the question is, what if you don't have a drive and hunger for anything?
Surely there must be something right?
How to discover what it is?

OR what happens if its something that you cannot reach? Thus you give up?
It is a predicament.
I talk about this, because i see the drive in people around me, in all walks of life, in various circumstances, and i began to wonder whether it really makes a difference?

Michael talked about the difference between a 1000CC car and a 1600CC car...
but it is also true we can overclock a 1000CC car....
So where lies the difference?
I was exploring and discussing success the other day, its definitely not about brains; we kinda put it to the dice that God throws us.
Not about motivation or drive, but basically based on the concept that God blesses you as you follow Him.

The problem with that, is that it might be too old a theory to hold true in today's society.
It might be a rationalizaton of God's plan, but it seems true in the modern context.
Its really a gamble at the end of the day.

As a christian, not just bound by my beliefs, but because of my trust and faith in God, I must believe that the gamble we take is the right path to take, that God never shortchanges us even as we follow his plan for us; that his plan is the best for us, and we should take it even against our own logical reasoning.

Life has just too many questions, I keep trying to rationalize thing to unravel them and make good solutions for myself, but it is obvious it is a dead-end.
So much for such a path of thought.

I wish a Philospher's job was still available.

We love them.

2009-11-17T23:41:00.002+08:00

We are truly so thankful, that even though we're in the midst of the exams, we were given the oppotunity to meet up with Uncle Chung Chi & Auntie Pooh Lii, Auntie May & Uncle Frips. Auntie May & Uncle Frips have just touched down in Singapore several days back. So, we just had to arrange a dinner to meet up with these 2 wonderful God-sent couples. Truly, meeting them is no coincidence. First, we got to know Uncle Chung Chi and Auntie Pooh Lii through matt's family doctor, and Auntie Grace gave us Uncle Frips & Auntie May's contact before we went over to Zurich for our exchange. And to our great surprise, these 2 couples long knew each other and were from the same church. That's how we joined IPC in Zurich. God was truly gracious; they treated us so well, inviting us and our friends to their homes for lovely meals, bringing us out for meals and showing us around Zurich.

As time builds, friendship gets forged too. We had dinner @ Waraku, Cuppage Road with them today. And it was just sooo wonderful to see them once again; although we met Uncle Chung Chi & Auntie Pooh Lii way before that in Singapore. We ate, laughed, chatted for a good 4 hours at least. There was so much to talk about, covering many topics and social, christian issues. We had fun, and we're going to meet again after our exams, before Auntie May & Uncle Frips return to Switzerland. Talking to adults is truly very different, and their company is forever so warm. Here's them!

with Uncle Chung Chi & Auntie Pooh Lii

(them treating us to a chinese meal a few days after we touched down in Zurich)

with Auntie May & Uncle Frips

(a home-made barbecue that they prepared for us at their lovely humble abode)

And it's really exciting to hear from Auntie May that Auntie Lee Hiang is coming over to Singapore during Christmas! :D We got to know Auntie Lee Hiang through Auntie May in IPC too :) so wonderful right. I can't forget Uncle Clarence too, whom we met through them as well, and it's really amazing that i happen to know his son, who's from BMC. Hopefully, we get a chance to catch Auntie Lee Hiang. Even though we're away from Switzerland, having get to see them, just feels as though i'm in Switzerland. A big part of the reason why our exchange was so beautiful was really because of them :)

and here's a picture of Auntie Lee Hiang & her daughter, Marie ;) and this was taken when she invited us to her place for a home-cooked dinner.

we're truly blessed to be able to meet and bond with these wonderful people and have the oppotunity to visit 3 swiss homes, don't you think so?! :)

Jealousy - an addiction

2009-11-16T19:06:00.003+08:00

Sorry, i think i tend to blog more when i am home all day long since i'm so easily distracted, and random thoughts just keep whizzing by...plus studying is undeniably boring. agree?

Anyway, sigh, why is it so hard to let go of our sins? Knowing that they're bad in nature, why then, do we still let it stick to us? It's sad you know, when people around you start getting hurt because you just can't let go of your sin(s). It's just like an addiction, be it computer games, idolizing celebrity fans etc. Maybe pornography would be an apt analogy. The temptation is so great, sometimes it feels as though that particular sin is part of you, part of our character, and therefore we try to rationalize and claim that it's impossible to change because "that's just me".

I'm not afraid of hiding my sin actually - it's just plain jealousy. Funnily (or maybe not so funny), i always feel as though jealousy comes naturally for me. Before it gets into my head that i shouldn't be jealous, i have already felt jealous! It's like crying is just so natural when you're sad, or laughing when you find it humourous. Jealousy just feels like an emotion to me! Well, as honest as i can be, i started realising that bad side of me ever since i was really young. I don't think anybody knows this, not even my other half. The first time i can ever remember getting jealous was with my cousin who used to stayover at my house, just to play. I started feeling jealous when i had this impression that my mum is showing her more attention than me. And so, i tried to get her attention by crying and crying, all curled up in my bed. But, to my disappointment, she just put my cousin to bed, tried to ask me what's wrong and i didn't reply, and switched off the lights. That was it! So i cried even harder cos i was really sad, and the night just went by.

Thinking back, i think my jealousy was probably induced when i was in kindergarten. There was this tall girl in my class that constantly likes to bully me. I remember she took away all my coloured pencils and just gave me the black, dark blues to colour my paper butterfly while she had all the nice pinky, red colours to herself. hmph. HAHA. But, a simple incident like this could actually be really traumatizing and torturous to me. I hated kindergarten life because of her, truthfully. I actually felt victimized, not just from one incident of course...it was a daily affair but only this one incident remained in my memory. And life just went on...going through my primary school days with friends laughing at me for being lousy at captain's ball and in my studies, and to secondary school where friends became jealous of my grades, and therefore the competition induced even more jealousy. This sin practically grew up with me, but i was totally ignorant about it until i came to know Christ, and realised that jealousy was actually a sin. Sigh, but to totally renounce it and let it go is so hard, because it feels as though it's just part of me. Many people just do not understand that, and plainly think i'm being silly for getting jealous over the nitty-gritties.

Just like all the other sins, jealousy can kill. It can really consume our thoughts, and control our actions. The irony is, I already know how it can be removed off me...and that's through Christ. I need to submit it to Him, and truly let the Holy Spirit take over. As simple as that, yet it's so difficult. It's as tough as quitting smoking. And as for why it's so difficult, i just can't logically reason out :(

As depressing and serious as it may sound, i have been an addict to jealousy. But this must end. And the strength to overcome it needs to come from God, and of course, a persevering and determined me. SIGH.

Driving

2009-11-16T14:37:00.004+08:00

Yes, I FINALLY went down to ubi to register for my driving. I've signed up for autocars, under the school.

My basic theory test has been confirmed to be on the 4th December, and my driving lessons, hopefully, should start in January next year.

Anyway, i have never been a big fan of cars. And many times, i wondered if i should just NOT take up driving since i'm accident prone and totally directionless; most probably ending up as a road hazard. BUT, what changed my mind was actually the thought of having to take care of my parents in the future, the need to drive them around and such. Plus, there's family pressure. I am, actually, erm, the last one to not have a driving license. All my cousins (except little emma of course) have passed their driving. Oh well.

Wish me luck! :)

a Mazda 2 if i pass, pretty please? ;) Just a little motivation!

The old has past, The new has come

2009-11-15T23:43:00.002+08:00

All of us have made mistakes in our life. Looking back, sometimes you just wish that these mistakes weren't made. If only we could forsee the future, then we wouldn't have chosen the paths we chose back then. For example, if only we knew who Mr Right was, then we wouldn't have gone for silly crushes and accept wrong relationships that could have perhaps allowed us to avoid the hurt back then. Jo mentioned to my DG before that God will definitely forgive our sins, but we still have got to bear our consequences. For a person who had pre-marital sex before, sure, it was a sin committed. But if you confess wholeheartedly, God will forgive you, but the consequence is that it will be straining on your future marriage and might be a barrier. We have to bear the consequences. Hence, we should never take God's forgiveness for granted. Be on the alert always, and weigh the choices you make, each and every step of the way.

But, that being said, what can we do also, when wrong choices have already been made? We may have fallen for the wrong person, we may have been more liberal back then thinking hugging an opposite sex isn't wrong or going after idols is a cool affair etc. Change is never constant. And perhaps we regret the position we were in back then, wishing this and that didn't happen so that it wouldn't affect our present spouse/gf/bf/friend. But, I guess all these little mistakes, the bits and pieces of our past, are lessons that shaped into who we are today. In order to love a person wholeheartedly, we truly have to accept the past, present and future, and love the person for who he or she really is. And that's why discovering and revealing the past is important.

Since we can't reverse time, we can only move forward with a positive attitude and focus on the new rather than the old; for life moves on. And having said that, it is precisely why i feel it's important to know the past, for even though it makes no difference to life as it is now, it was a significant part of who we were and how we have grown. And only have we truly accepted the past, can we then be ready to move on to the present, and never looking back again. Sometimes, it is important to have the complete picture in mind so that we can focus on eternity that is to come.

2009-11-15T22:32:00.003+08:00

Forget Idealism,
For people betray themselves.

Once Bitten, Twice Shy.

Thank you :)

2009-11-13T23:19:00.003+08:00

A very big thank you to all my dear friends for the well-wishes :) Appreciate that so much, and definitely made my bday so special and warm, knowing that i'm remembered. Of course, to my dear family, jennifer and my maid mabel too, for the gifts and the cake celebration - a family tradition!

Above all, i really want to thank my darling for being really so sweet. Not to brag about about him, but just wanna express my thanks and appreciation. Thank you dear for being so understanding and supportive, knowing that i have got a test to start my day. You brought me to school to ensure that I could reach in time and get more rest, and that prayer you said in the car really touched my heart and gave me more confidence. Thank you for always cheering me the entire day, even though i was a bit disappointed that it was raining whole day long. But God was really gracious, He stopped the rain in time. It would not have been so special without having you. Thank you for the movie, the dinner @ bistro 103, and the gifts u presented to me at labrador park...the diamond cross necklace was soooo sooo lovely. My eyes sparkle everytime it sparkles :) Thank you so much for being so thoughtful. And the triple christian DVD!!! :) Finally, we can get to watch fireproof marriage together! You melt my heart dear :) But u must have spent a big bomb :(. I must say, i was caught off guard this birthday! sneaky dear.

Dear, it's not about the movie we watched, the dinner we ate or the wonderful gifts, but i just want to know that my best gift is you, and i really really really thank God for you. My greatest wish (other than the salvation of my family), is really for us to continue growing deeper in love with God being in the centre. And also for me to be more like proverbs 31 day by day. I am truly so blessed. I love you dear.

Sorry for the mushiness... but truly, i thank God for each and everyone of my friends and family. To each of the blessing i received, i pray that God will give each of you a double portion of blessings back. Thank you, once again.

oh-so-sweet :) a prayer that i will cont to keep Christ in my heart, and be a faithful child of His. Thanks hunny.

i love this trio dvd set! i've watched flywheel already! Really inspiring and meaningful :) thanks dear!
from my maid, mabel :) Really surprised that she gave me a christian book! =)

Not forgetting, the pretty shirt from jennifer and my bro, the angpao from my mummy, the card from my crusade DG, and the smoky picture from yiling :)

Hypocrisy

2009-11-12T00:46:00.002+08:00

According to wikipedia,

"Hypocrisy is the act of pretending to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy is thus a kind of lie. Hypocrisy may come from a desire to hide from others actual motives or feelings."

I was reminded that I am not real, and to tell you the truth, it was painful to hear and it struck a chord in my heart. Driven by emotions, I couldn't possibly get that statement out, and so I pondered and tried to reflect on myself. Not being real could probably equalize to being a hypocrite. Hence, i wiki-ed the definition of hypocrisy. If hypocrisy is considered somesort of a lie, then, I am sinning big time in my life. My list of sins then will expand to 2 major ones: jealousy and hyprocrisy. Ouch.

I must admit that many times, I give way to people and sometimes, my principles that I thought i held dearly to. Needless to say, i'm a big hypocrite to my emotions. Often, when i am sad, i pretend to be happy, hoping it would not cause much of a worry to people around me. But it wouldn't last very long before the bubble burst. Truly, why is it so hard to be genuine, to be just who you are? Why, do we humans always put on this facade and the many layers of masks? Of what purpose does this serve? I was thinking, maybe this is an issue of pride? We pretend to be happy because we do not want people to think we're weak, or we just do not want people to see us in a miserable state. We oblige and help even though we don't have that sincerity, so that people will think nicely of us. Does all this just boil down to image and pride, which equates to all the superficiality?

Not that i am fighting for myself, but i do am genuine sometimes, doing things out of love. I guess most of us are like that. But being a christian, i do feel a heavier responsibility to be genuine. If I myself am not genuine, then how can my faith be genuine? Even if people might think badly of me and assume me to be like a rebel should i decide to do things against their wishes, if it is truly what i feel, perhaps i shouldn't do otherwise. To be someone of pure heart, should be what I should be seeking for. Pride, a simple word, yet causes many to fall.

At the end of the day, after acknowledging and recognising the flaws in us, we just have to submit to God and truly seek for forgiveness. Let the phrase 'I aint perfect' not be an excuse anymore.

I hope i don't have to take too long before you can start seeing some progress in me.

I am sorry.