This is really rare,
but i think i'm really a little troubled, and sad today.

Think it has been about 1 year since i last switched off my emotions,
so i could really concentrate on the work at hand.

Coming to this point, i'm not sure if i regretted...

It kinda meant blocking out almost everyone else; except those I love and cherish,
It kinda meant blocking out my emotions, the vunerable me that few might know.
But I am still vunerable inside...
Its really weird, but I still feel it was meant to be,
and maybe even simple mistakes in my everyday life tell me, the loopholes I've left, that let myself get exploited, perhaps its time to wake up again.
To stop making those mistakes; but achieve the once balanced life I had.

The real thing was that, it was meant to be...

What i had to do was necessary, not that i pushed anyone out of my way in doing do; because i didn't and i lived it as honestly as i could. But to prevent myself from falling into the traps laid for me. And i didn't, till God made a little raindrop fall on me; to remind me, to call me back, not to stray too far; but that I've been equipped, and greater things are in store for me.

The thing is that I am sorry, for the last moments in which i might have caused people disappointment. For the road taken was never easy, but filled with tribulations. And perhaps, i took one step too far. But, to me, i really felt, entering the wilderness was understanding more about the wilderness. Not so i could destroy the wilderness, but so that i could survive the times when the wilderness came. And the wilderness proves itself to be the wilderness, untamed, angry. But yet so, I am not God's chosen one to calm the wilderness, but i am the one to stir the wilderness; as it seems. I am unafraid, but scared. I am willing, but hesistant. And God said, "No one who puts his hand to the plow, and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." And this, i will remember.

But now is a time of thought for me, a time of deep reflection, knowing that if i made any careless mistakes along the way; it will pass, and chances will come again.

Today, my prayer is for God to continue to change people, for he already has.