Today, a very meaningful phrase popped up into my head, it was "never blame God for the wrongs people have done unto you"

But besdies the point, i would like to reflect a little bit about my time in NUS

In NUS, I've can't say i've enjoyed my time. I now understand why NUS alumnus do not give much donations back to NUS. However, I don't even feel its really the students at fault, neither is it the NUS system. It just seems to me that it is an inherent flaw with the flesh of mankind.

Over the last 4 years, i've seen maliciousness, dishonesty, disregard for authority and for others, sexual immorality, news about molestation and paedophilia, selfish ambition, copying and stealing. Its a result of putting about 35000 different students and staff together in a melting pot community.

I've seen good things as well, though, such as love and romance, homemade gifts such as little sweet bags and homemade cakes, community service, care, kindness, brotherly love, people helping each other out and encouragements. Thing is, it seems the bad things overshadows the good for me, not because there were more of it; but, because it was so empowering and destructive. "Ouch".

Thats the nature of good versus evil, where the lure of darkness engulfs the draw of the light.
Simply put, grey always seems more black than white.

The interesting thing is, in the church, you don't see the dark overwhelming the light. In a good church, it is so nice to feel the everpresent warmth of the light. You don't feel the dark, and i've thoroughly enjoyed the experience. Even if someone is individualistic in the church, it doesn't seem to have as great an effect as that in school. Love engulfs the unlovely.

So I say "Wow..." The church is magnificent. The church is beautiful. The church is a modern day Utopia. And to me, it is a fact. The church is a great refuge.

I shall resist the temptation to stereotype here. But to me, the church feels bright and NUS seems so dark. I haven't met a single person who actually committed suicide in church before, although i've seen people commit suicide in school and at home. Pity, we should have brought them to church for a stayover camp.

NUS, I am sorry i compare you to a church, for you will never be one. Maybe Campus Crusade and VCF and Navigators will be a church of bright lights, but NUS will never be one. It was just not built for that.

As such, even as i contemplate my future career choice, i really hope there is a church out there for me to join. A church shining in the darkness of the commercial world. I met an investment firm which told me they ran by christian principles and that their boss was a christian. But, when the recession hit, they told me they did nothing for the guy who lost all his money. That is not a church to me, that is nothing but a company living in the darkness, proclaiming it as light. That is like teaching your colour blind child that blue is orange and orange is blue. Note I bear no intention of the coincidental colour matches with the NUS colours here.

In Switzerland, EAWAG was a company that seemed to be a church, that seemed to really be abounding with love and care for others. The Singaporean company that was recently featured in the news seemed to be doing a similar kind of work with EAWAG as well. We are always too quick to judge, but to me, there is always a fine line between commercial profit and love. Where ever did unconditional true love turn into rational love. Can love without sacrifice truly be called love at all?

I am a dreamer, an idealist, a person who believes that paying it forward is the way for society to move forward. People these days pay it backwards too much. Paying it forward was based on irrationality; vice versa for paying it backwards.

Seems like the only answer for someone seeking the light, is to really join the light. Christians always say Jesus was in the world, but he was not of the world. "Cheem Ya." Can we be the light in the darkness? We need to be light. We need to be the light in the world, a light not of the world because that equates to the ray of darkness. But we need lights in the darkness, to light our way, to ensure that darkness does not consume us. We are in great danger of being consumed.

In essence, having given it enough thought, i hope that "someone please set up a church in the world of darkness that i can join!" A church that is bright, a church that pays it forward, a church that is in the world but not of the world! Is that a viable business strategy compared to the "blue ocean concept"?

Even as i expand the idea, we run into the conflicts of complexity and the limitless knowledge that exists. And even so, there lies so many loopholes in what i write. Everything is simply too subjective for its own good; except maybe God's word.

So anyway back to my point, looking back at the last 4 years.
1. I've thought about so many things.
2. I've come to so few conclusions.
3. I've met dark people and bright people.
4. I've been jaded enough by liars, and encouraged enough by friends.
5. Church has been good, NUS hasn't been so good.
6. Company doesn't appeal to me, but church does.
7. Obedience is key to answering my dilemma.
8. Nobody really listens to me. Everyone listens to the other person because they do not understand me.
9. People often mistake the ray of darkness as the ray of light. What we should remember is that the light is in the world, but not of the world.
10. Light and darkness can intermix, but light does not necessarily wins over darkness. That is because darkness is so powerful and empowering. Most places in the world are thus dark places, because the light has been overpowered.
11. I'm happy that at least i will have a household of faith in this world that will shine for me.

I pray for a church.
A church where i can serve my purpose.
A church in the world of darkness, not of darkness.
So that i can leave the darkness behind.
Cos i've come to the end of the 4-year tunnel,
And it is almost time for light to prevail.

I really have to say "sorry" to so many people.
Please do believe "Jesus lives" and that "he is the true light of the world" and the "only path to God".

Only without darkness, can light prevail.
It is a simple choice, for each and every person to choose.

Do not be consumed.