it's so trying :(

I had a really bad day today...

Had a good cry for a full half an hour in the car today and on dear's shoulders. I guess i really cried very badly today, tears were practically streaming down continuously and to the point, i was gasping for air.

I'm still feeling very vulnerable at the moment though.

I really couldn't understand why God is putting me in this situation right now...i've taken the first step, and trying my best to let go of these troubles...yet, God is really pushing me to the limits now. I can't sustain any longer... i have been having very bad nights already, hardly sleeping soundly these days...plus, i fell sick and my period hasn't come for almost 2 months i think?

God, i really need you to lift me up once again. thank you lord for my darling angel...i just pray that You reveal to me your plan...i feel so lost, feel so alone, feel so directionless, feel so useless.

these days, i've been really contemplating of quitting school...i really dislike chem engine..not for the modules, not for the workload, not for the stress...but something even deeper. i really can't take it. hai, don't know if my parents will support me though. i doubt it.

everyday, i go to school putting on a facade...trying to do my work to forget my troubles...trying to put a smile, trying to enjoy my time in school. only when i'm out of school, i reveal my true emotions...and let it all go.

only my darling truly understands...he says "i can read you like a book. i know exactly when you're troubled" i tried to hide it today...but dear's too good for me to hide. dear, i love you so much...you know, when i'm feeling so low and weak, i really feel so blessed to have you by my side..knowing that through thick and thin, you'll be there for me. how much more can i ask for. huggs. thank you.

how long more will this take. God, i really can't see where you're leading me to....show me, please?