thank God...

thank God for my stabilised emotions right now.

just had a 2 hour talk with dear...and it was such a messy conversation. i'm such a difficult and unpleasant person. urgh. i need to understand and genuinely believe that God made me special. One of the hardest things in my life i feel, is 'to love myself'.

i really dont' know what i'm doing. it's been soo long, and i'm not done with the disgusting F2 lab report. and i've got so many other work to do, but so little time. Yet, i'm having this 'heck-care' attitude right now. Maybe there's too much pressure going on that instead of pushing me further, it's taking on a negative effect and making me feel desensitized with whatever that's going on; such that i just want to get things over and done with rather than trying to give my best performance. this's what happens when i get emotional and irritated with life.

it's tiring.... and i really...really do hate chem engine.

oh my. what have i gotten myself into again.