you, of little faith.

I know i'm supposed to be studying...but....

I just can't understand why we, sinners, are such ungrateful creatures. Of course i'm not saying that everyone is like that, but i'm saying this in reflection of my own heart. I'm one such guilty sinner. Often, we pray and seek God for help and guidance. And when our prayers have been answered, we get so happy and we say 'Praise God' or 'Thank God'. Afterwhich, we're absorbed back into our own lives and neglect God. Only when we're in trouble, do we seek Him.

How terrible God must have felt. Personally, before each and every single test or exam, I seem to pray more fervently, hoping that God would hear my prayers. And in the past, i would fast together with prayers too. What i've been failing to acknowledge is this: Have i been fasting for my own selfless pursuits or really fasting FOR God and ONLY God. Fasting is really, an act of faith, and not something that you hope to do so that God will be pleased with your sacrifice and thus, answer your prayers. That's the wrong attitude, i feel. And right now, while i'm in the exam trial, God has guided me safely through the 1st paper. And i do thank God for it. But after each hurdle, i tend to forget God's power and grace and start to feel insecure, thinking that i won't be able to do the next paper da dee da dee da. How can i forget that God, with such awesome grace, has been helping me each and every single time, and yet have so little faith everytime i'm faced with another hurdle?

I really hope to grow in a way such that I can trust God for everything and i mean trust in Him to guide me through every difficulty, and not trust Him only after He has shown how good He is to me. Do you get my point? It's like i know through God's grace, i've managed to overcome an exam. But when it's time for the next exam, i start to doubt and kept thinking i won't go through it cos i'm not smart enough or i don't have the confidence...but if we really do take the time to look back, we should really ask ourselves...In the first place, were your grades the result of your mere efforts or was it God who placed you through it?

And now i'm feeling exactly that way. Afraid of tomorrow's paper cos i can't seem to do the past year questions and feeling really insecure and worried. But thinking back, i have been saying that before every paper since secondary school! Yet, by God's grace, i've survived and even managed to enter uni! I, really, should learn to be grateful and trust in Him wholly.

you, of little faith!