Facing my Giant

Just 30 mins ago, i made a huge step by finally sending out an email to her. Initially, i was contemplating between sending a snail mail or email...and i wanted a prompting by God. Since both dear and jess said email without any hesistant, i decided to go by email instead. I have taken more than 1 month to craft out the email with lots of procrastination. Somehow, when it was time for me to stop writing for that day, God will give me a really painful headache and i'll just stop typing. So anyhow, today, i felt it was God's perfect timing and i can't procrastinate any longer. 4 years of dwelling in a friendship that went wrong...i really have learnt much and grown much. Reading the email, i really am surprised for i know i cannot write it a 2nd time. Without God, this email won't turn out this way.

Thinking back, it's really amazing how God has guided me each step of the way. I have been so blinded to what He's doing when I was going through the pain and struggling through my weaknesses back then. Only when i'm out of the tunnel did i realise how God helped me out of the tunnel. And when i'm in the tunnel, all i could think and see is darkness and misery. God is amazing. Each and every person He brought to me to help me out; each incident that He made it happen; each sign and prompting He gave; the inner peace; each and every answered prayer....i could only marvel at His awesomeness. Thank you Father for guiding me, really. You're just so so amazing.

I know i'm not totally through with this struggle...because inside me, there's still fear and uncertainty of what is to come. I've absolutely no idea if she's going to reply me and what she'll reply and absolutely no idea what will happen to our friendship...whether it's meant to end or whether God will revive it. But 1 thing i know is that God has His plans and i just have to trust in Him and open my ears and heart to hear Him.

I'm really thankful for understanding friends as well like Jia Min and Yi ling. Thank you for understanding my difficulty even though both of you probably don't know what went wrong. I really appreciate that and thank God for that.

Jess, you've heard me whine and been there through everytime i'm in pain or in difficulty. The advices that you give me, the support that you give me...i can never thank you enough. 4 years..you've been hearing me talk about it. Yet, you still listen and never fail to be there. Thank you for your love. Really really appreciate it. You've seen how i've grown since primary, secondary, jc, uni days.... You can testify for me. God has been so real to us, through our friendship yeah? Really thank God for you :) Huggies.

Darling, i know you're God sent. God sent you to me and i cant be more grateful. You've been there for me and have always been with me, no matter rain or shine. You're there to pray with me, you're there to lend me a shoulder when i tear, you're there to hear me whine, you're there to help me out when i'm stuck with decisions or when i don't know what to do. I've been so dependable on you. It's you that really gave me the courage to stand up for myself and to wake me up and reflect upon my own iniquities. You woke me up from oblivion, thinking that i can just let time pass and perhaps everything will be alright. You reminded me that God has His plans and that He has His reasons for making all these happen. Thank you for reminding me to depend on Him and pray to Him everytime i feel lost. I know it hasn't been easy on your part also, always seeing me cry and always lacking the courage..yet you never gave up on me, always standing by me and encouraging me. Thank you so much darling...i love you.

matthias. -planetary magic knows no end sent 6/10/2008 11:48 PM:
u must have faith in what u have said
matthias. -planetary magic knows no end sent 6/10/2008 11:48 PM:
and trust god to do the rest
matthias. -planetary magic knows no end sent 6/10/2008 11:49 PM:
i'm with u though
matthias. -planetary magic knows no end sent 6/10/2008 11:49 PM:
=)
matthias. -planetary magic knows no end sent 6/10/2008 11:49 PM:
all the way
matthias. -planetary magic knows no end sent 6/10/2008 11:49 PM:
through thick and thin

matthias. -planetary magic knows no end says:
i'm proud of u baby
matthias. -planetary magic knows no end says:
u did well

baby, i love you :) so very much. thank you. muacks.