Yes, this is the 4th post for the day....

Our blog readers would be quite occupied with the sudden surge of blog posts. haha.

Even though my body is physically tired due to the entire day of workout, i just don't feel tired despite it being 1am now. It's way past my usual bedtime and I guess it's because something is bothering me. Trying to occupy myself by blogging and hopefully, get tired gradually but it's not really working. After this post (yes, the final one!), i'll probably read the bible, pray and go to bed. Long day tmr...will be accompanying my mom to buy quite a bit of stuff for my grandma and go down to grandma's place for the entire afternoon. The 3 generations (me, mom, grandma) haha.

Well, i'm kinda bothered by crusade. I haven't been thinking about crusade for the past few weeks until i started to receive Jo's emails. Then, the same old feeling about crusade filled me. Somehow, there's something that doesn't feel right. Honestly, i really am not sure if being in crusade was God's plan afterall. I'm contemplating about quitting crusade but i don't know if it's spiritual attack or God has really something else in store for me. I don't know why...but i don't feel the desire to serve in there, and the desire to attend their events or go for DG. Even though the people there are really nice and i do enjoy DG with my girls, somehow, there's smth that's tugging my heart and making me feel really uncomfortable and giving me the unwillingness to go for crusade stuff. I just don't have the heart for it. And i fear staying on would just add on obligations on my part. Plus i don't really dare to quit cos i don't think ppl wld understand.

So...i really need God's guidance regarding this issue about crusade. Dear thinks crusade is not for him and that God wants him to focus on sunday school ministry instead. But what about me? I don't serve in church nor do i attend cell group regularly these days....Father, where do you want me to serve you? Speak to me Father and open my ears to listen.

Another issue that's bugging me is cell group. I personally don't feel belonged in bns but i want to be sure of God's plan for me and not follow my emotions. So far, i've 2 doors open for me. Either bns (my church) or dear's cell group. And....when is the right time for me and my dad's baptism Lord?

So many question marks... but there's only 1 way. Father, lead me....and i'll follow Your way.