Not Again...

once again, i'm being sucked into an emotional whirlwind...getting myself all depressed and demoralized now that things (or rather more explicitly, fyp) has taken a downturn. well, it's just fyp right? why should i get myself so worked-up over it? i don't know, it's probably the fact that time is running out, i have only about a month, and me (incl my phd mentor) seem totally clueless and i feel as though i'm just doing my expt aimlessly, trying to manipulate 1 out of a 1000 variables, hoping perhaps something miraculous would occur. But i don't like doing that, i feel as though i'm heading to nowhere, without a sense of direction and understanding of what i should expect to get out of all these.

i guess, what makes me even more jaded is that i feel terribly upset with the environment i'm working for my fyp. nobody talks to me, the phds talk amongst themselves, i tried to initiate and say hi a few times but that was it, and my phd mentor isn't really that friendly to talk to. so my mouth is practically shut everytime i'm in the lab, so my mind became really free to wander and put demoralizing pictures into my head.

but somehow, i know God has a reason for my existence and the fact that this expt was given to me. still, it just feels that my expt and presence in the lab is meaningless and futile...i don't see His purpose for me as yet. I'm not interacting as much as i wanted with any of the people around, and i'm not producing any solid work either.... so i'm just an aimless experimenter. perhaps, God wants to test me on my perseverance and faith. well, that's the only thing i could think of for now.

p.s.//just read Gen's blog, and it really depicts the amount of pain and hardwork in delivering a child. congrats Gen (guess u won't read this), but u're really amazing to be giving birth one after another!