"If you really knew me"

I woke up today... and just happened to catch an episode of Oprah.
Today's episode was really amazing because it went up front and personal with obese teenagers, and their parents.

And it was amazing to see them play such a simple game, with such shocking results.
It was called "IF you ever knew me...", and it evoked such powerful responses...
I was so taken aback by it... It was a real, emotional moment.

Taking me back to maybe about 6 years ago, things have definitely changed tremendously for me.
And I would say now: if you really knew me, you would see the reality in my life.

At this point in my life, when you look at all the different people around. Everyone is strong, everyone is confident, everyone is so assured, and seem so void of problems. Even when problems arise, it is but a fleeting moment.

But some things never go away. Some problems always remain. I always wondered how people got over their problems. I believe I never got over mine. Maybe I'm lucky because people (and God) have actually come along and helped me through it.; and continue to help me cope with it.

And, watching these obese teens really reminded me of myself. How, just because they are fat, life can be a living hell for them. But yet, these are the people that no one care about, people make fun of, people look at differently; because in society, its always the good lookers and the "sexy" who always command the attention. And people like them just remain in the shadows all the time. People just don't understand them.
But, it really sucks being fat. Just the thought alone is enough to prevent me from getting fat, each and everyday. Thats how bad it is. But, not every fat person can get thin.

Even as I look at Oprah talking about these problems, it seems apparent even she does not really understand. How can you pull a straight face seeing all this unfold in front of her? And even some of their parents, they still look at it so logically; when something like this has nothing to do with logic. Its not about conditioning yourself to tell a fat person you love him/her. But. perhaps its simply above love.... its simply above love.

That said, I definitely think I was a better and nicer person when I was fat.

Because, I saw things from the depths of one's life; and then you begin to really understand.

I saw so many "real" cries today. I saw many heartwrenching moments. I saw the remnants of man's selfishness.

In another exercise...
"I'm angry that i make fun of myself"
"I'm angry that everyone teases me at school"
"I'm angry that I think about suicide"
"I'm angry that I get called a hippo"
"I'm angry I rather be dead than be overweight"

These problems didn't come from simple lack of self-control.
It truly came from other problems - from divorced parents, from a sister, from a mum with a brain tumour, from a stepfather who didn't love her. And to me, it just simply showed that these people truly lived real lives, that they were truly affected by what happened around them.

I cherish the real.... I cherish the real problems, cos we learn and grow so much from it... I cherish these real experiences, because they are the one we remember... I cherish the real people, because thats what make living this life a real one.

All that goes on with materialism and success in our society today. Is really crap when you see these people. I can't just be contented now. The blessings definitely need to be shared.