Some place to write

I need some place to write my thoughts down, guess it has to be here.

Been thinking a lot lately, everything from work, to about my best friend, to friends that have left, opportunities that have gone by.

Somehow, I have an awful feeling there's something very wrong with the world today.
Its not just simply a case of climate change, but something feels awfully wrong.
And I can't place it, but there seems to be a loss of order, a chaotic sense of things present.

Went back for FYP symposium just last sat, and it really reminded me of a lot of things.
Think it reminded me most of the "conflicted life" i had. It reminded me so much of rjc.

Now I know why people hate growing up.

Sigh, think I am a little bit depressed, and its just certain people in my life that make me happy everyday.

"Have you reconciled the thought in your head?"

No. Wish I did, thought I had, but No.

4 years of my life in SS, you don't think of all these. Come out into the world, and it blows up in your face. Don't blame me for being idealistic, but somehow, thats what "it" made me. The world is the exact opposite of idealistic. There's no such thing as perfection, but there's something known as condemnation.

Seriously. I need to learn to survive in the world today. It is eating me alive.
I have a whole mind full that is ready to go back to Switzerland and do something meaningful. Tuck, you definitely made me think too much. Environmental engineering in SG is just an escapist solution to the world out there.
Then again, I could be too blinded by the snowcapped peaks.

I really don't know, and really don't understand the world.
If God created zombies, we could be them. Life is meaningless at this point, at least for me.

Through my observations, days of a Singaporean are spent in the following ways:
1. Study
2. Eat as nice food as possible
3. Work
4. Earn Money (1C)
5. Try to Earn more Money (4 Other Cs)
6. Get attention, awards and accolades (3As)
7. Not much Sleep
8. Shop
9. Entertainment
10. Help Others via helping themselves.

I might sound angsty, I might sound dejected.
But I truly think I'm just insecure.
I feel just like 1 of 6 million people, or even 6 billion people.
God, I feel so small.

God, how do I ever get big for you?
We all spend life the same way........................
I'm not a zombie, not a robot.......................
I'm a person.