Crossroads

The crossroad infront of me is visible and I cannot avoid it. I'm not sure if I should steer to another direction or if I should continue going straight. I don't have very much time to think as I have to make a decision real soon - and real soon means within this week or so. Seriously, I have no idea what to do and what I want to do, because there's no real secure backup plan. And because of that, being human, I'm afraid. I'm scared. Being pretty much of an escapist, I try not to think about the pending decision deadline and try to carry on with my usual life routine. But being aware that the date is looming near, makes it difficult to really shun away from the decision-making thought process. I've been praying, and really trying to trust God that He will do His will. But somehow, I'm just afraid that He wants me to just let go without knowing what's next. It also doesn't help knowing that making that decision will definitely face a lot of opposition from family and probably, friends.

Today, at Sunday School, I noticed one of the p5 boys in our class left halfway during the lesson. I saw him, and "chased" him to bring him back. It started with a little bit of probing about his actions and why he has seemed to lose interest in sunday school, and it escalated into a deep heart-to-heart talk with this child. We talked for a good half-an-hour or so, and I realised how desperate this child needs to feel and be loved. Him sharing his deepest inner feelings with me about being rejected, teased, mocked by friends led me to recall my days in primary school. I could identify with him in someway, and I felt so led to share with him about my past experiences of rejection. As he teared while opening his heart to me, I felt really compelled to encourage him and I did. His current emotions of wanting to commit suicide, to give up with life, feeling rejected as he has no friends, being laughed for his height, having no self-confidence and all, made me realise how much support and love these kids really need. Sometimes, all they need is just a friend, a true friend who will listen. I told this little boy about how Jesus was likewise being rejected, mocked and laughed at and how He could still love them and forgive them. In fact, this was what my secondary school teacher told me when I was feeling rejected back then - and that became my turning point of my faith. I pray that this boy will continue to pursue the narrow path. Many people would go for the easy way, and few would go through the path that is persecuted but that's the right one and we know that it'll be worth it at the end of the day.

While speaking words of encouragement to this boy, I subconsciously reflected upon my own words. Despite being in a different circumstance as the boy, should I not also move by faith as I encourage him to? Going through a decision struggle and lamenting endlessly about my predicament is a very human thing to do and I wish I could stop myself from leaning on the tangibles to make myself feel secure. Faith is afterall, something unseen and unheard. Trusting Jesus may be the easiest thing I could say to this boy, but I also know how difficult it is to fully abide. The problems this boy is currently facing really crunches my heart. He's really one beautiful boy - with a heart of gold, and it's my prayer that he will see Jesus as his best friend.

And likewise, I should also see Jesus as my helper and guider and fully submit my worries unto Him.

Open my ears Lord, for your servant wants to listen.