A titleless post.

This post is gonna be about and for you. I guess things have kinda soured between us ever since we went for that trip together. It's indeed very sad that things turned out this way, and I never meant any of it to happen. When I told you that I was blessed and thankful to have met you and that God has placed you in my life back then, I was sincere and I still believe that it was God's plan for us to meet. I still thank God for you, and never regreted the times we've shared. This post is not a post to differentiate who was right or wrong, good or bad, but just my feelings about this issue all these while. Perhaps I won't be able to pen everything down in words, but maybe putting it here (even if you don't see it) would allow me to just release my emotional burden and submit it to the Lord. Honestly, I've been really tired having this emotional burden resurfacing in my heart time and time again and it's time I let it go. If it's God's will for you to see this post, then I want to say sorry if I've caused you any form of discomfort / sadness /disappoint / anger at any point in time. Well, I personally don't hold and haven't held anything against you all these while. Things went awkward between us, perhaps because I might not have agreed with you in everything and went ahead doing things the way I thought should be done. In all honesty, I felt really bad for neglecting your concerns at certain critical times of yours. And i hope you won't hold that against me. Perhaps I should have tried harder to compromise back then. Later I also found out that you couldn't trust me anymore, and hearing that very words broke my heart because I have never ever thought of giving up this friendship. When trust is no longer there, the friendship can no longer possibly hold. That was then I started to hold myself back and was thus afraid of being forward/initiative in the friendship. Guess this led to a domino effect and spiralled into a prolonged period of quietness, coldness and awkwardness. I guess perhaps maybe both of us had ever thought of closing the bridge and reconcile, but just that we don't know what each other was thinking - and therefore none of us made that move. As time passes, things have changed and we've each continued our different paths of life, so much so that it seems like we are slowly beginning to become complete strangers. It's really sad, but I'm also very happy to see you happy. Don't know the little details of your life, but just from the surface of looking at things (accurate or not i do not know), it seems like you're doing well and are enjoying your work and church ministry. For that, I'm happy for you. Just hope you know, I really did pray for you and for our friendship - I've asked God why things had to turn out this way. Many thoughts came through my mind and I always wonder if i'm just really a lousy friend. This is not the first time I've lost a friendship, and it just pains me to see it happen time and time again. When things happen the second or third time, it's really easy to just conclude that "it must be me again". Perhaps the root cause for the friendship failure is me? my heart? or was it just meant to be? I really don't know and am trying to figure it out myself. I tried to smile and open myself up when I see you, but perhaps, it may be all just a pretense in your opinion which I don't blame you for thinking that way. But just wanna say that...if the bridge between us is not meant to be repaired, then the only thing that I could do is really just to ask God and whipser a prayer of blessing and protection for you and your loved ones. If two hands doesn't clap anymore, then may God replenish you with an extra abundance of friendship. I am sorry for how things have turned out the way it is now, and I sincerely seek for your forgiveness in any way. Nothing of this was my intention, and I really do mean what I've said. God bless you.