It's been a while, and much things have happened since my last post. In short, it was a very trying period but we've now grown to be much stronger than before. Thank God for how he has led us through each and every hurdle that we face. His grace, we cannot fathom and cannot taken advantage of. This love we cherish, for it was His grace that brought us to each other.

Anyway, just wanted to let out some thoughts. Year 2012 - a year to really celebrate and look forward to with the upcoming weddings, not just mine but also my brother's. While it's a joyous occassion, I do feel a tug in my heart knowing my parents' hearts. I'm sure they are happy for us both, but I also do know they are wondering of what's like to go through an impending empty-nest phase of their lives. Having been their one and only daughter, I could more or less understand their feelings and thoughts, even though it remains unsaid most of the time. They may express it differently, saying that it's okay for us to move out and all, but I know deep down that they wished that at least one of their children would stay by their side. And I'm already starting to feel that my mum is trying to take it all in, trying to adjust and adapt to the upcoming changes and that itself kinda makes me sad. I really wish for my parents nothing but happiness.

And I know my hubby-to-be really wishes to migrate and get out of this stifling country. I really do love the place he wants to go to as well, but when I put myself in my parent's shoes and feel for them, i know they would definitely want me around to take care of them. Life is full of hard choices sometimes. As the Lord leads. If He wills, He will clear the obstacles.

On a side note, I am still feeling very lousy as a person. I used to pray everyday, wanting to be like Jesus more and more each day. But when I look at myself right now, I feel really really ashamed. Even at work, it seems like whatever I'm doing is just for myself. I need to really look beyond self, be a better friend, and help the less fortunate. I believe i've a soft heart, a heart that really feels, and I need to make use of that like how i used to volunteer to help out in Salvation Army and THKMS. Felt that life back then was really more meaningful. Should really consider doing a regular form of volunteering / social work again. I want to extend my heart out to God's people and be a blessing rather than always being at the receiving end.

This's a post that's all over the place. But i'm blogging because my heart is feeling really all soft and formless right now...oh well.