In the quietness of the night, it's just me and the computer today. My heart feels really heavy, frustrated and vexed over a remark made by my parents. I know they wanted more so as to be "fair" and in a way, follow the customs. But I have no control over this either, and I'm just thankful for all that have been given. I guess, at the end of the day, it's not really important at all, and I hope my parents will not feel in any way shortchanged. Being in the middle, I feel tugged and of course wish everyone would be happy. But when things are not so rosy, I guess someone just has to give in.

Sometimes I feel that I really worry too much. Not sure if most of them are unfounded, but one thing i'm sure of, is that these worries bite into me. It makes me fall into a bottomless pit, getting myself all so pessimistic and gloomy, thinking that there's no way out, and affecting people around me with my mood. Then, I ask myself why can't I just be filled with the joy of the Lord..and what does Matt 6:33 really mean to me? In a way, worrying excessively is disobeying God for it must be of utmost importance if God clearly states in the bible that we should not worry about tomorrow. Yet, the heart is weak. O God, may you teach me how to lay my burdens and worries at the foot of the cross.

I have been questioning myself about life these days. I guess I'm desperately trying to seek meaning in my day to day life, in search of God's purpose for me. Golly, I am in great desire to feel useful! Not for my glory, but His to be done.

This is such a random post, made up of sentences and paragraphs that don't really flow. But oh well, I am just feeling moody and all...and for the rarest time, I went online on msn and facebook trying to see who I can talk to...and ended up realising that I couldn't find anyone that I could really talk to that was online. That's sad. I suddenly felt like a loner, and ended up in this space, typing irrationally. It's tiring to be optimistic when you're sad, and it's even more tiring trying to be happy so that others won't feel sad when they look / talk to you.

Anyway, I think I'm not getting anywhere. I shall stop it here.