On Leaving and Teaching...

When I was a student, I always wondered what it would be like to enter into the working world. There were always uncertainties and sometimes the mere thought of it can be overwhelming. Right from the start, I knew in my heart that I was never meant to climb up the corporate ladder. Somehow, I have never had the drive within me to chase for title and promotion although I must admit that being recognized for your efforts be it increment or praises from your bosses does make me feel appreciated for my worth. And so, once again, a year later, I have arrived to another juncture of my life. 2 years ago I graduated as a Chemical Engineer, 1 year ago I left my job with Siemens as a Process Safety Engineer, and now, I have officially left my job with CH2M as an Environmental Engineer. To many (perhaps to the older generation), this phenomenon would be termed as "job hopping" and it's a negative stereotype for sure. It is often associated with no loyalty, instability, unrealistic high expectations for the company and fickle minded-ness. I have to admit that I'm someone who is always highly conscious of what people think or say of me, and I do get quite affected by these remarks / comments even if it's not shown outwardly and it sometimes is a struggle when I debate with myself if I am really doing the right thing. But, ultimately, I have resolved the fact that every move or change I make must be for God for that will be the right path, whether or not I've been in the job for 1 month, 2 months or 5 years - it doesn't matter. God puts you in situations at different stages of your life to prepare you for the next phase, and ultimately lead you to the final destination where you will discover your purpose.

My last day in CH2M has been nothing short of bitter-sweet. It's been a wonderful 1 year. I started my first project within 1 month of my first day and have, to date, completed 6-7 projects and reports independently (with internal checks and reviews of course). Along the way, I have received praises and compliments from my clients directly as well as from my supervisor and colleagues. I had my increment and was recognized for my efforts for a particular project and given a sum of cash as a token of appreciation. I have given several presentations to authorities (NEA, SCDF, MOM, JTC etc) and did receive positive remarks. When received my letter of notice, one of my clients expressed his thanks and said he was impressed with my expertise and customer service and would like me to provide my contact should I continue to work in the same line. All these appreciation and commendations - if it were you, will you still leave? My supervisor said that she would expect me to be able to rise up quite high in the corporate ladder should I stay on and she emphasized that I have a promising future. But are all these really important? Of course, it makes me feel good and I may perhaps be able to expect larger pay checks in the near future - but if it's for and of the world, all these glory comes to naught. All my efforts that I have put in in my line of work as an environmental engineer (specifically in the area of Quantitative Risk Assessment) were solely in my own strength. Sure, I did pray and ask God to help me during some formal presentations to authorities (and God did lead me through them), but I know 99% was in my own strength and I was not able to see how my work ties in with God's will for me. There was no extra motivation to work late (believe it or not, 90% of the time, I will leave the office by 5.30pm sharp), and I did not have any joy in my work other than when I receive compliments. It is definitely difficult to give up the experiences that I have gained as an engineer over the past 2 years, the knowledge that I have accumulated over the past 4 years in University, but the skills will definitely carry with me. But without God, all is meaningless. I know I have to move on and do something purposeful, especially in an area where I know I cannot depend on my own strength. Because true servanthood needs dependance on God.

And so, as some of you are aware by now, I will be going into the education field - teaching. While most people say I do have the look for a teacher, I have received countless of demoralizing comments like "you confirm will be eaten up by your students one!" or "you sure will kena bullied" or "are you sure? have u tried teaching before? it's really stressful and you will get jaded after a while" or "teaching got no life one leh! you sure or not!". I have been praying to God (in fact, it's one of my many prayers written in my prayer journal), seeking for reassurance and encouragement from people. But I know now that life isn't about embarking on the easiest road to attain worldy materialistic success and it isn't meant to be rosy, but life is only meaningful and fulfilling when you choose to live out God's purpose for you. Ultimately, God knows what is best for you and He knows how much you can bear. I have decided to abide in His will and need an extra portion of faith and perseverance to live this through.

I am excited, yet I can't deny that I'm VERY apprehensive (the horror stories made it worse). Needless to say, I have never taught secondary school students. My time in Junior Sunday School gives me confidence to teach primary school students. But Secondary School Students? Nah - 0 experience. Many times, I tried to picture myself as a teacher in the worst class every (you know, putting yourself in the worst case scenario) and imagine what I would do in various circumstances. I tried to imagine myself raising my voice and not letting my students step over me - but I will always question myself, "are you sure you're able to do it?". And that's why teaching is going to be colorful - because I know I will see God's hand working in me. And I know I wont' be able to do it alone - and that's why it's going to be beautiful. God will work through my heart, and the hearts of these students because we are made to worship Him. I pray that God will use me as a vessel to reach out to them, to encourage them, to help them find themselves and more importantly, to bring them to the right path. Lord, You know my heart and You know my weaknesses. May You tap on my strengths, transform my weaknesses into strengths, and mould me into the person You want me to grow into. When I am most vulnerable, help me to remember Your calling and the reasons why I chose to teach. Amen.