Faith

Hebrews 11:1
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."


Relationship isn't smooth sailing all the time. There are times we disappoint our fathers, our friends, our spouses, even God. God gets hurt when we make him sad too.

Today is a rocky day between me and dear because I questioned if we're being certain that we're meant for each other. I questioned if we are "the one" for each other. And i questioned because i allowed doubt to creep in. And it hurts my dear so much. I know it would hurt but i felt i needed to talk about it to him. And so i did. I asked him how sure is he that i'm the one for him and his reply was immediate, and he said he's sure. The next question was then..what made him so sure? He said faith.

For those who know me well enough, i'm quite a fickle-minded, indecisive girl. But i felt its time to get out of that shell, and change. I needed to get past that unsteady transition stage. Honestly, i've never loved anyone so much before. I love him so much yet Satan cast a slight doubt in my head, and always make me wonder about God's existence. Where is my faith? Today, i was reminded by dear that faith is not about testimonies. Faith does not come from God's works in my life. Faith is unseen, unheard, and comes from within. I questioned my faith.

Dear gave me time to think about all my doubts and I prayed and prayed. I asked God to take away all distractions and reveal to me His plan and purpose for me. I asked God to once again fill me up with faith and love. I thought about me and dear when we first started out, till today...and truly, i can see how God has worked through us. I questioned myself if i'm willing to give up everything for dear. And whether i would be willing to give up everything for God. It's not an easy question.

If i'm willing to give up everything for dear becos of love, and this love comes from God, I'm giving up all these material things in life for Him too. Would i be able to give up 19 years of studies and grades for him? Would i be able to give up all material wealth and success and live in poverty with him?

I thought about judgement day and what i can present in my life to the judge. I presented all my A's, my wealth, but i was rejected. But when i presented love, love for my darling, love for God's children, I was welcomed to the heavenly gates. I came to the conclusion that I want to give up all these material things for dear, for God. But i know its hard. If i truly love my darling, i would do everything for him, and everything that i do would be in line with God's will.

Faith. Where does yours lie?

Perhaps only being in a relationship would you be able to understand what i mean. It's not easy to maintain a relationship for a whole lifetime. Life is never about a bed of roses. Love is not just about lovey dovey romance. It encompasses so much more.

And i want to tell my dearest darling that I want to walk this christian road with you. I've chosen you, just as you've chosen me, and God have chosen us. Let us walk step by step, in faith, together. You once said to me, no matter how difficult our road may be, no matter what struggles we may face, we'll walk in faith through God. Our relationship is not like any ordinary relationship. We abide in love through Jesus Christ. We've our Father. You told me that we would run the race together...and dear, i'm not giving u up. I'm not loving u any lesser. I want to grow deeper in love with you, a love that is so strong that no matter how strong the winds are, it would never break us apart.

I know at times like these, i've broken your trust for me and insecurities overwhelm you. I'm sorry baby. But let's pull ourselves together and rebuild this trust and grow even stronger from here okay?


Our promise.
To build a household of Faith.

I'm giving you my hand. It's only meant for you to grab it and once you grab it, don't ever let go okay.

i love you.