Tired Girl - Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually :(

I always thought I knew how to love someone. I always thought i knew what it meant to love my friends, family, boyfriend.

Today, the harsh reality struck me so hard.

All along, I don't know what it means to love. I only know what it means to be loved.

To me, love has been accommodating...but today, i realised love has to be courageous. Of course, that's just a part of love. Love has many facets, many layers, u can check it out in 1 Cor 13:4-13.

I guess throughout my life, I have never been so troubled over something for so loong...it has been at least 3 years. And i thought i could tolerate another few more years till my next phase of life comes along...but i realised that God would continue to put me in other situations cos i'm disobeying Him.

Over the past 3 days, i have shared my troubles over 4 person - Anh, Jess, Jo, and Dear. All of them, i guess, have been telling me the same thing but i kept going in circles.

Today, during DG, Jo, my spiritual multiplier, also a crusade staff, asked for prayer request and i asked to pray for my trouble. And we ended up talking about my trouble...and i broke down so badly in front of her and dear. It was so embarrassing. I was tearing and tearing. She prayed for me, and told me in her perspective what I, as a christian, should do. Then i had dinner with dear...and we talked about my troubles again. Actually, i'm very thankful cos everyone wants to help me stand up and grow. But i have been controlled by a bondage that i couldn't free myself for years. And now, I have to face it. God has put so many people in my life, showed me so much, that its time i face it. And He told me clearly that He would not help me the easy way out..i have to do it with faith and courage, knowing that He's with me...so that i will get out of the bondage, be freed, and grow in faith.

It's really very hard. I can't stress it further...those who knows will understand how hard it is for me. I've shed many tears...after dinner with dear today, dear talked so much to me and i just kept tearing and tearing...my emotions were overwhelming.

And I had to face the brunt of the problem when exams are nearing. I'm so very tired Lord...so very very tired. Please grant me strength...and show me the way. I'm so fragile... :(

But above all, i'm really thankful for concerned people esp Jo...she's been a great source of encouragement. And most importantly, my dearest....truly, God has sent him to help me grow in this christian walk. I know it and believe that...dear, thank you for being my pillar of strength...i'm comforted to know that you're with me. Love you so much...so so much.

I'm still clueless as to what i should do next..which step to take. But i know God will guide me through it somehow, some way...but right now, i can't see it...but i can only believe it with faith.

Pls pray for strength. I'm really tired...emotionally and spiritually drained.

I should stop crying soon....

Thank you Jo. Thank God for you.