"Old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new" 2 Cor 5:17

It's been a few days into the new year, and since last year, dear and i have decided to commit the new year into God's hands by coming together to pray, reflect and come up with new year resolutions. This is the 2nd year we went for watchnight service together, this time being Pastor Joel's last msg before he transfers to Faith Methodist. I was reading through my post just 1 year back on my new year resolution (click here) and as i look back 2008, I really cannot thank God more for how He has led me through the entire year.

Just yesterday, dear and i decided to head down for ECP in the afternoon to spend several hours with each other and with God to reflect. I felt it was really good in terms of strengthening and once again, committing our relationship to God. Personally, 2008 for me was rocky at the start, and smooth at the end, as though God was leading me through a tunnel. It was a year of faith for me, as i trusted Him to lead me out of a friendship bondage which I, even today, couldn't believe that I've stepped out of it. Perhaps not 100% in terms of inner fear, but, God made me realise that He can do the impossible, and that He has His plans. I just need to trust and obey. Despite the road being very uncertain and painful, God has been very gracious to me by sending me people to comfort and bring me joy. Dear has been very supportive, be it in my walk with God or even my studies. He has been there for me, and i want you to know that I appreciate it. Having lost a friendship, God gave me new friendships and strengthened some other friendships, and made me realise that the environment in Chemical Engineering isn't as negative as i always thought. Making friends with the Indonesians, Doreen, and the Chem Eng Prayer Group brought me immense joy, and studying became not-so-much-of-a-hassle. In fact, i really enjoyed this semester's modules. Separation Process and Process Control were really interesting and enjoyable to study for, despite the stressful workload. Perhaps the joy in Chem Eng became to surface as the environment i was immersed in this year wasn't competitive, but a very friendly and peace-loving one. I thank God for that. Surprisingly too, my focus on the lectures has improved tremendously this year too.

That being said, i really thank God for doreen. She has been so very supportive, and has been a very loving friend. By God's grace, she was together with me in all the project groups and it has been a great joy working with her. I thank God for the many times that we can share our problems with each other before and after lectures, the many lunches that we had together, the teases and gossips we shared to spice up the monotonous routine, and more importantly, the support we gave to each other and the prayers we prayed together before every separation test and so on. Thank you doreen :)

God has blessed dear and i with lots of time together in 2008. Even though our timetables weren't similar and that we stopped attending each other's lectures, by His grace, we could still fork out the time to watch a movie and have dinners with each other frequently. We thank God that we could study with each other better and better each semester :) In fact, almost every weekend was spent studying with each other. We were greatly blessed with grades the past year too, and we cannot thank God more. I'm sure it was God's doing because the past semester was the year i felt least stressed, but it was the best sem i ever had. Indeed, God blesses you when you let go and let Him take control.

Despite all the blessings, i must also recognise my very own failures / shortcomings. In all honesty, I haven't been a good SM in the past semester. I rarely met up with my disciples as a result of the immense workload. Project meetings seemed to be on top of DG and i wasn't praying for my disciples as much as i should. For that, i'm ashamed and i pray God will cont to guide them in their walk with Him even as i leave this semester for exchange. I haven't been a very good friend either. I could count the number of times i actually made an effort to push back my workload for them. For that, i would like to sincerely apologise to all of my friends esp jess. In terms of my inner being, i felt i could have put in more effort to control my emotions. Many times, i am still throwing lots of tantrums esp to my darling (which we discussed in our long talk) and many times i did that even without realising. Guess i really need to be more sensitive and be more sensible as a student, friend, daughter and girlfriend.

There're still many areas which i need to improve on, and some of them have been listed in this year's new year resolutions. There's a lot of room for me to grow personally, as well as in my relationship with dear. Being together for 2 years, the way we speak, the actions we portray and the certain attributes start to change. It is very easy to start taking each other for granted, to be less supportive, to be more possessive, to be less understanding, to quarrel more, to be more controlling etc. I'm not kidding...it's very real and it happens to us too. But i thank God for dear to be firm with me at the right times despite my very non-teachable and unresponsive spirit. It can be painful at times, especially when we bicker, but we trust God to give us a sensitive heart and a loving spirit for each other. As long as God is in control of our relationship, we know that it'll be a very blessed one.

This year will be pretty special since half of it will be spent overseas. It's not going to be a smooth one i know. It's not going to be just about the fun and travelling. I know that it will be tough being away from my family (my very own comfort zone), and it would take a lot of understanding and giving in terms of our r/s, especially since we would be seeing each other almost 24/7 other than our sleeping time. I know God has a special plan for me and dear, and however much homesick i forsee myself to be, i'm still excited to see how i can serve Him while being in a foreign land. Of course, i must also remember not to be anxious but above all, listen to His voice and be discerning.

A new year has begun, and i pray, especially for my Dad, that though it would probably be a painful year for him, God would be very real and gracious to him. I love my dad, but i know God loves him even more...and if i can't even bear to hurt him, how much more can God bear to see him in pain?

2009 - a year of seeking, a year of experiencing, a year of learning, a year of growing.

God bless you.